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I vote for the fifth option: "'Usen't' isn't a word" Hurumph. Beer's awesome though. Seriously awesome. I am currently drinking a lovely Czech beer called Ostravar. Did I mention that it's lovely? Well it is. When I was younger I really didn't like beer. I think in some ways I conditioned...

So that'll be about eleven and a half years since its original announcement... Bloody hell. There's still time... Someone just accidentally deletes everything. INSTANT HILARITY!

It's been a while but my memory of RF1's terrain destruction felt like punching a polystyrene block, except not nearly as satisfying.

Pix or it didn't happen kthxbai

I'm going to take my right hand out for a night on the town: no expense spared. I've bought it a raunchy lace glove and everything.

This joke is slightly more in the delivery, but here goes nothing: There's a guy hitch-hiking through Australia and late at night he gets picked up by this farmer. The hitch-hiker falls asleep, but then is woken by a *CRASH! CRASH! THUMP!* "What the hell was that?!" asks the hitch-hiker. "We...

Oh hush.

I swear a lot if no-one else is in, but if I'm not in the house on my own then an unconscious switch flips and anyone and everyone is a wide variety of extremely rude words.

Why would you want to feel for them? You're there to wipe them all out... Also, I'm not against the idea of the mod but how has it won an award when it's shown so little off?

Cate Blanchett's just about as pale as they get. Don't get me wrong, she's stunning, but part of that is because she looks like she's photophobic. Also: Who's she? She seems friendly.

Honestly, Keeley Hazell is an extraordinarily over-rated model. Yes she's got terrific norks and no scurples abaarrrt gettin 'em aaahht fer the lads but facially she's...sort of pretty, but nothing spectacular. So nurr.

Exactly what I was thinking. A little while ago they had a Big Daddy's finger touching a Little Sister's finger, a la Michaelangelo's Creation of Adam from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This didn't mean there was going to be some sort of Bioshock related revelation in the next issue...

There's something extremely unattractive about body paint.

I was unaware until now that there was a polite euphemism for paedophile. Every day's a school day. Especially if you're a lolicon! Wheeeey! Incidentally, my market stall gets a lot of attention from 14-16 year old girls, some of whom are disturbingly attractive. It's seriously...

Well it's true.

Jeff Buckley. /swoon

Actually no, which makes it even worse D: a dangerous look: do it right and it looks fabulous; do it wrong and you look like you've an extremely unfortunate skin disease.

Or cause her eardrums to burst and her inner ear to rupture, spraying bloody and ear wax everywhere. The three tiny bones inside would shatter and the shards would be blasted out with the rest like buckshot, becoming embedded in bystanders' eyes. As blood pours from their tear ducts they claw...

Slowly? Like bullet time? Although I suppose in the context it should probably be called Baywatch time.