213 things you're not allowed to do in the U.S Army.

[Jangle]

I thought it was pretty funny.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as 'Dad'.

129. The Microsoft 'Dancing Paperclip' is not authorized to countermand any orders.

136. Shouting "Let's do the village! Let?s do the whole ****ing village!" while out on a mission is bad.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

 

[DreamThrall]

I LOL'd the whole time I was reading it... I used to be in the USAF, so there were a few that struck me as particularly funny, like the Mom/Dad one.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Hahah my friend Darren recently got back from Ft. Sills in Oklahoma and attempted the chewing gum in formation number, he was made to do some PT (physical training) on the spot, one leg army pushups (about 30) in front of his entire training division.

 

[CyberPitz]

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

oh god, that got me good.

 

[Stigmata]

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

[edit] oh my god i'm ****ING LOLLING AT THIS: 152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ? batteries.

 

[cheddarrr]

haha
thats great

 

[Smoke]

All of these are gold

 

[ríomhaire]

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

He was meeting with Kane :shh:

 

[<RJMC>]

174. Furby ? is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.

03. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

lol

 

[DEATH eVADER]

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a ?Wanker?.

Pwned

This got my attention as well

66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.

 

[WacK]

37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.

Wahahahaha! xD

 

[JNightshade]

Oh my god, that was amazing. This guy is basically me as a soldier

 

[tehsolace]

My favorite:

205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

 

[Danimal]

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

 

[15357]

Why is this guy not in military prison?

 

[Stigmata]

Part of me wants to explain how twisted your government is, Numbers, but at the same time I'm afraid that if you did end up enlightened, your government would execute you.

 

[15357]

No, seriously, If I was his commander, I would lock him in the stockade/brig.


Imagine if some footie from your detatchment waved a cross at you, trying to ward you away.

 

[99.vikram]

No, seriously, If I was his commander, I would lock him in the stockade/brig.


Imagine if some footie from your detatchment waved a cross at you, trying to ward you away.

I'm getting the feeling that you're not, in fact, a libertarian. :O

 

[15357]

I'm getting the feeling that you're not, in fact, a libertarian. :O

Well, not in social terms. Economically,yes.but I do love democracy and the freedom of our glorious nations.

 

[Crushenator 500]

Part of me wants to explain how twisted your government is, Numbers, but at the same time I'm afraid that if you did end up enlightened, your government would execute you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEY_b81F0Uo[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrQllR5uA9U&mode=related&search=[/youtube]

This probably deserves its own thread but w/e (plus its about north not south but still)

I really really really wish you could all see the whole programme (it was a national geographic special) but shitty youtube took it down so all thats on there now is these 2 jumbled/ cut up clips. it's still interesting though

 

[15357]

Yeah, I saw that one. Ugh. Prolly one of the scariest shit I've seen.

 

[Tagaziel]

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

Yossarian didn't need any paint :]

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehue

EDIT:

PIE DOESN’T HAVE TENTACLES!