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[ríomhaire]

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/QI

Stephen Fry: If a lion mates with a tiger, you get a...?
Alan Davies: Scandal.

Brendan Behan was asked by Guinness, as Ireland's most famous living playwright, to come up with a slogan for Guinness, and he said, (Irish accent) "You'll have to send a couple of crates round," and they sent two crates of bottles of Guinness, and they went round the next day, and all the bottles had been drunk and there were screwed-up bits of paper everywhere, and he said, "I've got it." He handed them a piece of paper and it said, "Guinness makes you drunk."

Stephen Fry: What is bottomry?
Clive Anderson: It's the opposite of topiary.

[on the inventor of the Hokey Cokey]
Stephen Fry: He died in 1996; what happened at his funeral?
Alan Davies: Oh, it was terrible, they couldn't get him into his coffin.
Stephen Fry: Why was that?
Alan Davies: Well, they put the left leg in... Then the trouble started.

Stephen Fry: Gentlemen, which one of you would like to smother Doon Mackichan in goose fat?
Andy Hamilton: What, again?

[About 10 Downing Street being the only door that can't be opened from the outside]
Jimmy Carr: So, someone's employed to open the door?
Stephen Fry: Yes.
Rory McGrath: He's called a "doorman".
Jimmy Carr: That's a rubbish job, isn't it?
Stephen Fry: Well, I'm sure they have other duties.
Jimmy Carr: Closing it again?

Stephen Fry: Do you know what was supposed to frighten elephants? What they would do, I'm afraid, is they would cover pigs in oil - this is not funny - set fire to them, and the pigs would then run after the elephants on fire, and the elephants would be so freaked out by the spectacle of pigs on fire, they would run away.
Sean Lock: I wonder how they found that out?
Stephen Fry: I think they found that out because when a pig squealed, an elephant would rear up and run away, and so they thought, "How do we get pigs to squeal? We'll set fire to them".
Alan Davies: Set light to them?!
Stephen Fry: I know, it's horrible.
Jo Brand: Is that how they first discovered crackling?

Stephen Fry: Why shouldn't I strip Alan naked and cover him in gold paint?
Phill Jupitus: You, win your Oscar properly like everybody else!

Sean Lock: I got the worst Christmas present ever, ever in my life. My sister gave me a "Grow Your Own Loofah" kit.
Stephen Fry: God bless her!
Sean Lock: It was a clay pot, a bag of earth and five seeds. And I think the clay pot hit her hardest.

 

[Stigmata]

Genius.

 

[Hectic Glenn]

I love QI, I went to watch an episode be filmed, sat in the audience and it went for like 2 hours +. Those guys just mess around have so much fun it's amazing. Stephen Fry should be knighted.

 

[ríomhaire]

I love QI, I went to watch an episode be filmed, sat in the audience and it went for like 2 hours +. Those guys just mess around have so much fun it's amazing. Stephen Fry should be knighted.

Seconded.

 

[Jintor]

I should just watch the show, not read the wikiquotes page, fun as it is.

Hey, I wonder if Whose Line has one.

 

[Evo]

Barely see it but <3 QI

 

[Beerdude26]

Stephen Fry: Where is ninety percent of the universe?
Jeremy Hardy: Ikea.

LOL

Stephen Fry: What begins with A, has six Cs, and no Bs?
Clive Anderson: Is it the Welsh Alphabet?

Oh lawd this is epic

Stephen Fry: He (Brendan Behan) was once on Canadian television, drunk, as he always was, and the interviewer said, (puts on Canadian accent) So, what brings you to Canada, Mr. Behan?", and he said (puts on Irish accent) "Well now, I was in a bar in Dublin, and they had one of those coasters, and it said on it "Drink Canada Dry", so I thought I'd give it a shot."

Absolute gold.

Stephen Fry: It's time to grapple with the unknown, unknowable, and the neverknown.
Alan Davies: What?
Stephen Fry: Yes.
Bill Bailey: The "neverknown"?
Alan Davies: Stuff that no one's ever known? We're gonna be asked about that?

Jo Brand: When I was a teenager, someone I knew gave their dog LSD...
Stephen Fry: Oh, my Lord!
Jo Brand: - It went to Glastonbury.