Chuck Norris on Chuck Norris jokes

[CptStern]

wig wearing creationist, internet joke, and a member of the Karate Kommando Korps Chuck Norris speaks out on all the chuck norris jokes ....man is her ever a loon, his responses are funnier than the chuck norris jokes, but not ha-ha funny:

Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of the craze of "Chuck Norris Facts." It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. I'm so grateful for my fans. Who knows, maybe these one liners will prompt some one to seek out the real facts about me and the beliefs that have shaped my life and my career.

While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let's face it, most "Chuck Norris Facts" describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me

Steven Segal?

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."

Chuck Norris: There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases ? sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood

:upstare: riiiiight

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

Chuck Norris: It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

:rolling:



please for the love of jebus H christ never ever use another chuck Norris joke ..dont support the creationist loons! ..I propose all Chuck Norris jokes now be switched to Short Recoil ....observe:

* "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Short Recoil."

* "Short Recoil doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

* "Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Short Recoil."


Chuck Norris internets column:
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

 

[Ennui]

This is ancient I think. That first part is, anyway. We all knew CN was a crackpot creationist anyway, that just makes the jokes more funny

 

[CyberPitz]

They were kind of funny at first, but damn chuck, take it as glory! SAY ITS TRUE!

 

[Ytse Jam]

And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman.

Because we all know Superman was obviously a real person.

FOCLMAO
(falling outta chair laughing my ass off)

 

[CptStern]

it was posted on oct 2006 ..so it's a few months old

I never was a fan of the jokes ..probably because I know he's more a danger to rational thinking than just an internet joke

Because we all know Superman was obviously a real person.

FOCLMAO
(falling outta chair laughing my ass off)

umm he's talking about jesus

 

[AJ Rimmer]

God didn't create the universe, Chuck did, but he felt God deserved some credit for trying.

 

[Raziaar]

His roundhouse kick set off the big bang.


Chuck Norris jokes suck.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

His roundhouse kick set off the big bang.


Chuck Norris jokes suck.

Yeah, but they suck in that odd way which makes it sort of funny.

 

[Stigmata]

They are pretty much the epitome of "so bad it's good".

 

[Krynn72]

God didn't create the universe, Chuck did, but he felt God deserved some credit for trying.

 

[StardogChampion]

He talked about them ages ago.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs[/youtube]

 

[Unfocused]

Aw, c'mon, Stern wants you to make fun of Chuck's beliefs, stay on topic :angel:

 

[CptStern]

well that's no real surprise ..I mean chuck norris begs us to redicule his beliefs ..things like "here's a karate chop on behalf of jesus from Chuck Norris" or "Lord I was particularily good little christian today, I drop kicked 3 evolutionists, cobra clawed 6 heathans and judo chopped two people that looked like liberals, thanks be to god, your will be done, oh lord"

 

[AJ Rimmer]

But... if Chuck is a christian... that means he does not believe in the power of Chuck! He is a blasphemer! He must be roundhouse kicked to death!

 

[Geogaddi]

I already tried without success to switch over to short recoil jokes. I guess he didn't will it to be.

 

[CyberPitz]

Short Recoil > Chuck Norris tbh.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Wow. Can you say roundhouse kick to Chuck's internet cred?

Man, if only he hadn't alluded to the fact that he wasn't, infact, Jesus Christ himself. He was -this- close to getting his own religion.

 

[DeusExMachina]

I don't even know why Chuck Norris became popular. Vin Diesel was first. VIN DIESEL JOKES WERE BETTER.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Pssh, yeah. He doesn't even need an anti-terrorism whistle. He can just scream really loud. That's hardcore.

 

[Dynasty]

Chuck Norris > Leeroy Jenkins

 

[-Psy-]

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick me anyday.

 

[Tyguy]

But if the creationists have Chuck Norris as a spokesperson, who will the evolutionists get, batman?

 

[Stigmata]

Stephen Hawking.

 

[ríomhaire]

D:
*converts to Recoilism*

 

[AmishSlayer]

I've heard the jokes for ages...I know of the member...but I must've missed the beginning of the whole movement to adopt Short Recoil as the forum's #1 badass and why it occurred. What sparked this stuff?

 

[Remus]

Stephen Hawking.

*robotic voice* I'm going to kick you're ass!!

 

[CyberPitz]

I've heard the jokes for ages...I know of the member...but I must've missed the beginning of the whole movement to adopt Short Recoil as the forum's #1 badass and why it occurred. What sparked this stuff?

It was one of his posts about how he was better than everybody else, before he got banned for it...

 

[CptStern]

he's still around ..just with a different name

 

[Stigmata]

*robotic voice* I'm going to kick you're ass!!

Your mother is so fat that the escape velocity at her surface exceeds 3.0*10^8 meters per second

 

[CyberPitz]

he's still around ..just with a different name

Yeah, but EVERYBODY knows SR is Terminator.

 

[Dax]

Wow what a great anti-climax.
I knew Chuck Norris was a christian but not that hardcore.

 

[kirovman]

Chuck Norris is so fat that when he sits around the house, he sits around the house.

 

[Tagaziel]

Sometimes I wish I had an orbiting Particle Cannon and could obliterate any thing/peson on the planet in the blink of an eye.

Or give control over it to Mechagodzilla for exactly an hour for kicks.

Headlines:
"Vatican disappears overnight, hole left behind."
"Jack Thompson killed, nobody cares."
"Chuck Norris killed, thousands laugh at the irony."
"Osama Bin Laden pronounced dead as taliban part of Afghanistan turns into glass."
"Scientologists commit mass suicide - millions cheer"

Etc.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Chuck Norris can die.

Where is your God now?

 

[Tagaziel]

Chuck Norris can die.

Where is your God now?

God's in ur Bahamas, loling at ur fail.

Seriously.