Crazy story

[Foxtrot]

I had to write a narrative for English and I decided to be a little creative...it isn't down but how do you think it is so far?

remember last week like it was just a few days ago. I had just finished
downloading my plans for a time machine on the intranet when my future self
appeared out of nowhere. "Who are you?" I proclaimed dubiously.
"I am your future self."
"Huh?"
"Yourself from the future"
"Oh"
"Soo." He said, drawn out "Want to go steal some stuff?"
"No, future self! You are evil!"
"Haha I am not actually your future self, I am from an alternate universe
parallel to your's"
"What?"
"I got here through means of 5th dementional warps"
"Oh my gosh."
"Yup"
"No?"
"Yes, it is possible!" He said agonizingly.
"But.err how?" I said very confused.
"Shut up stupid, I am evil you, I don't have the inclination to explain
anything to you! Now bow down to your 5th dimensional warping god!"


I know some of the technical things are wrong, maybe if someone could suggest somthing more correct...

 

[redundant]

perhaps laying off the crack would be a good start...

jk jk.

cool idea, but it seems a little colloquial.

 

[Foxtrot]

perhaps laying off the crack would be a good start...

jk jk.

cool idea, but it seems a little colloquial.

What do you mean? Too much dialogue?

 

[nofx]

Uhm you spelled dementional wrong it should be dimensional. and it seems a little fast.

 

[Dalamari]

Your dimensional self needs a goatee like in Star-Trek

 

[Stigmata]

remember last week like it was just a few days ago. I had just finished
downloading my plans for a time machine on the intERnet when my future self
appeared out of nowhere. "Who are you?" I proclaimed dubiously.
"I am your future self."
"Huh?"
"Yourself from the future"
"Oh"
"Soo." He said, drawn out. "Want to go steal some stuff?"
"No, future self! You are evil!"
"Haha! I am not actually your future self! I am from an alternate universe parallel to yours!"
"What?"
"I got here by means of 5th dimensional warps"
"But... That's impossible, isn't it?"
"No, it IS possible!" He said agonizingly.
"But.err how?" I replied, very confused.
"Shut up, stupid, I am an evil you, and I don't have the inclination to explain anything to you! Now bow down to your 5th dimensional warping god!"

There, somewhat fixed. I didn't really change any of the pacing or what have you.

 

[Foxtrot]

Thanks, but I prefer intranet...because it sounds dumb...or do you think I will get points marked off for having that?

 

[Foxtrot]

Is that it? I have to keep this up otherwise I will forget about my homework.

 

[evil^milk]

Describe the setting and the characters a bit

 

[Foxtrot]

Describe the setting and the characters a bit

That is the thing, no one knows. It is going to turn out to just be me talking to some random object because I am insane...