Fail/Facepalm/Cringeworthy Anecdotes

Mellish

Mellish

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My school holds a battle of the bands every year. Last year I decided to go since it only cost a pound. All the bands were reasonably good, but then this one band came on. I can't remember what they were called exactly but I remember it being one of the most cringeworthy events I've ever seen. There was one guy on bass guitar, one guy on drums, one guy on electric guitar and a woman singing. The electric guitarist kept on making mistakes, the lead singer was so out of rhythm it was untrue (she was also really bad at singing). I didn't even know if the drummist was an actual drummer. The only half decent person in the band was the bass guitarist. It was so cringeworthy I had to leave half-way through. God thinking about it now makes me cringe or facepalm.
 
It was a school battle of the bands, what did you expect exactly?
 
If you can't throw things at people at a battle of the bands concert, don't go. The first bands to go up are usually the bad ones, but if you stay later they get to the point where you can almost bear listening to them without putting in your Noise Canceling earbuds and playing metallica...

I've been in the same situation, if you couldn't tell. But it's always awesome when the people in your school that think they're awesome go up on stage and make a complete ass of themselves. Of course, all the girls that are in love with the douchebags just think it's hawt that they were on stage, so take a drillbit to their head, and rid the world of their stupidity. :D
 
I was telling an amusing anecdote among a number of friends and acquaintances. I had begun it with a few observations on the various definitions of the word 'trade'. I had noted its uses in business, government and personal affairs, and then, almost nonchalantly, I added - "of course, 'trade' is also a term used in the world of...prostitution."

As I said this, I looked directly at a female friend of mine. I did it quite by accident; I didn't mean to make any implications about her conduct. But when I looked at her and said it, a look of shock passed her face.

She was quiet for the rest of the story, and, when I had finished telling it, she asked me quietly: "how did you know...when you looked at me and said 'prostitution', how did you know about my...past?" There were some gasps around the table.

I took a puff on my cigar and looked at her coolly. "I didn't know."

There was silence around the table as her face flushed red.
 
School Battle of the Bands are always awkward.
 
Sulkdodds said:
I was telling an amusing anecdote among a number of friends and acquaintances. I had begun it with a few observations on the various definitions of the word 'trade'. I had noted its uses in business, government and personal affairs, and then, almost nonchalantly, I added - "of course, 'trade' is also a term used in the world of...prostitution."

As I said this, I looked directly at a female friend of mine. I did it quite by accident; I didn't mean to make any implications about her conduct. But when I looked at her and said it, a look of shock passed her face.

She was quiet for the rest of the story, and, when I had finished telling it, she asked me quietly: "how did you know...when you looked at me and said 'prostitution', how did you know about my...past?" There were some gasps around the table.

I took a puff on my cigar and looked at her coolly. "I didn't know."

There was silence around the table as her face flushed red.
Click to expand...

The best.

The best the best.

THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST this is not a good idea THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST
 
Thats why he's a super moderator. >>

I was with my friends at lunch once, and I asked my best mate, "HEY, DO YOU WANNA FEEL SO ENERGETIC?!" and my other friends said "TRY POWER THIRST!" and I replied "AN ENERGY DRINK FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!" "My best friend explained "TRY NEW SHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE ENERGY!", astonished, I said "IT'S LIKE ADDING CHOCOLATE TO AN ELECTRICAL STORM!", and grown agitated, my friend argued, "SOUND THE ALARM! YOU'RE GONNA BE UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!" Not expecting this, I asked, politely, "Whats that? You want strawberry?" and my other friend answered, "HOW ABOUT RAWBERRY?!"

...meh, screw it. You know the rest.
 
Rofl, Sulk, that's horrible. I think I've got you beat, though:

For everyone who's been living under a rock, the "Your MOM does [insert verb here]" joke is an American staple, but it can be risky. A year or two ago, I was at a party and bumped into a vague acquaintance. I was kinda sloshed, and my friends and I had been making Yo Mama jokes at each other all night, so when he told me he was "so drunk", I responded "your MOM is so drunk!" He immediately gave me a rather angry look and muttered "my mom's dead." Being a drunken idiot, I didn't really pay attention to what his words meant, and immediately responded with "your MOM's dead!" before covering my mouth and apologizing profusely.


I've been pretty careful about that joke ever since :bonce:
 
My sister just asked me if flowers could be pink.

We go to our grandparents most weekends and she has a garden D:
 
Is the sky blue during the day? I'm looking at it now, but I'm not sure what color it is. It's a blueish...white gray color.
 
I've got arthritis.

Today I fell over because my ankle gave out, and I twisted my everything. When I got up I thought it was just my ankle that hurt, but that went away quickly.

NOW MY BACK HURTS.

I felt so stupid. Nobody saw though.
 
I did an entire school project back in Elementary school about why the sky was blue- my conclusion was that it was blue because the ocean reflected the color into the sky (which is, of course, completely wrong). I genuinely thought this was the case, and I got an A+ on my project.
 
so I had sex with this chick outside of a club in some person's back yard on a picnic table ..we had started in some other person's backyard but a light came on so we moved ..after we were done she remembered she had left her panties at the other backyard and asked me to go get them ..as soon as I left the backyard I kept on going and went back to the club (it was almost last call) and left her there pantyless

after closing time I saw her again and did a face palm as I was exiting the club ..more to hide my face than anything else




good times
 
I lost my virginity 5 hours after my dad died.

If that isn't cringeworthy, I don't know what is.
 
That's... actually, I dunno what that is. I guess the only good answer is "one hell of a day."










Anyway, about 2 months ago, I brought a bunch of drunk friends back to my basement to get drunker/not drive yet after a party was shut down. Two of them slipped off to bang each other (in the guy's car, I was assured). Two days later, my dad woke me up and told me he found a used condom and pair of panties in my backyard. That was awkward.
 
Was waiting for a call back from a mate once, as in I'll-call-you-back-in-five waiting. Mum hands me the phone and I roar down the receiver "WASSUP, BITCH?!" :D My smug, self-satisfied grin begins to fade as I spot my mum's half-cringe half-smirk, and a timid voice on the other end of the line responds, "...hello?"

It was not, as you may very well have guessed, the aforementioned mate. It was my very old, very female boss.

From my very first job.



Yet somehow I still got to fill in that night.

Stigmata said:
I lost my virginity 5 hours after my dad died.

If that isn't cringeworthy, I don't know what is.
Click to expand...
Oh, damnit. I always get the best double entendres when it's completely, utterly inappropriate.
 
"Hey Cory"
"Hey Kath"
"You've grown!"
"haha thanks!"
"you're still chubby though"
*backs away slowly*
 
I have a very embarrassing story.

A couple of years ago I was in HMV in Manchester with my mum and I saw a HIM calender (HIM are my favourite band) and so I asked her to buy it for me. Naturally I looked to see what picture i had for the month of my birthday (as you do) and saw it was the drummer, Gas Lipstick. Well, you can probably guess what happened next. I said loudly, and clearly without thinking, "I've got Gas". My mum burst out laughing and it took me a few seconds to realise what I said, at which my immediate thoughts were, of course, 'oh shit!!!' i tried to disguise my embarressment by hitting my mum over the head with the calender.
The End.
 
This dude at McDonald's coming up, sitting down relatively near, and talking to my fine as mother****ing holy shit sex friend while we were eating. The nerve on this bastard.

This is the girl I actually laughed and said, "get whatever you want" while we looked at the menu BTW. (Not the same girl in the other story)
 
Virus just has so many girl stories, he has problems keeping track of them all.
 
VirusType2 said:
This dude at McDonald's coming up, sitting down relatively near, and talking to my fine as mother****ing holy shit sex friend while we were eating. The nerve on this bastard.

This is the girl I actually laughed and said, "get whatever you want" while we looked at the menu BTW. (Not the same girl in the other story)
Click to expand...

you were at mcdonalds looking at the overhead menu and you told your date "get whatever you want"? .......classy

or ami I misreading your post cuz that's what it sounds like you're saying
 
Well if it isn't Mr. Classy himself, humping in random backyards and leaving a girl in an alley without her clothes. :rolleyes:


She picked McDonald's for where to eat.


Yeah, I said it, and it was kinda funny degrading, but it was also a compliment, like, 'I don't care about money, you can have it all' (all $5) :(
 
VirusType2 said:
Well if it isn't Mr. Classy himself, humping in random backyards and leaving a girl in an alley without her clothes. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

panties ..she had her clothes ..and it was her call, she hit on me and asked for sex ..and it was 5 minutes into meeting her, did you expect me to giftwrap it for her to be delivered by pure white doves scented with jasmine?

at least i wouldnt take a date or anyone for that matter to mcdonalds :E


VirusType2 said:
She picked McDonald's for where to eat.


Yeah, I said it, and it was kinda funny degrading, but it was also a compliment, like, 'I don't care about money, you can have it all' (all $5) :(
Click to expand...


about as original as someone going up to a bartender at an open bar and saying "this rounds on me" ...anyways dont get your panties in a bunch i just though tit was funny someone would take a date to mcdonalds
 
Pesmerga said:
Damn that's suave.
Click to expand...
It was deliberate.

Trust me, I can be suave!

Like this:
Let me get the door for you my dear.
/Opens oven door


Stern said:
i just though tit was funny someone would take a date to mcdonalds
Click to expand...
She wanted to eat McDonald's though. Shit. Give the girl what she wants.
 
I thought it was funny he thought that little line was worth mentioning to... anyone.
 
Pesmerga said:
I thought it was funny he thought that little line was worth mentioning to... anyone.
Click to expand...

I guess we just have different opinions of what is funny.


Like that time I slept with this girl I met who gave it up too easy, and when I was done, I said, "What was your name again?"

I'm just a ****ing asshole I guess.


I just like a girl that doesn't give it up on the first date, or else I will be a dick like that.
 
are you sure it wasnt the other way around? she asked what your name was?

"next time just wear your mcdonalds nametag so I know who I'm ****ing"
 
CptStern said:
are you sure it wasnt the other way around? she asked what your name was?

"next time just wear your mcdonalds nametag so I know who I'm ****ing"
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm sure.

You might be confusing that time your woman was calling out some other guy's name
 
CptStern, she calls out your real name *AND* on-line alias during? That's ****ing kinky.
 
VirusType2 said:
Yeah, I'm sure.

You might be confusing that time your woman was calling out some other guy's name
Click to expand...

she was telling you to shut the goddam door and get back to baby sitting my kids like you promised you'd do for $2.50/hr
 
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