_-_-SELAS-_-_
Tank
- Joined
- May 17, 2003
- Messages
- 1,825
- Reaction score
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OK I couldnt really pick my favourite story so Im posting a poll with my 6 favourite stories (in a random order) to let you guys help me. 
Thank you all for all your great responces.
First: king John I
I would draw the lambda symbol on the front of 50,00 spoons and a cute little headcrab on the back. Then i would hide them i the pockets of passing people in the high street, sortof like backwards pickpocketing with spoons. Then i would play a game where i use a metal detector to find those people again, when i find one of them if they still had the spoon i would give them a fork with a picture of gordan on to go with there collection if they didnt i would draw a picture of alynx on there forehead.
Then i would make a song where the only noise was a picture of a head crab(think about it) and then only eat head crabs and then only breath headcrabs and then i would only live headcrabs and then i would be a headcrab,
beat that mister smarty head crab
Secound: squishmasta
1. uninstall
2. update virus definitions
3. defrag
4. open windows help and then ask myself what the hell i am doing
5. reinstall
6. when error message pops up just sit still, stare, grit teeth and count back from ten
7. defrag
8. call my friends for help who all happen to have it working
9. install patch
10. call girlfriend and tell her she was right about computers all along
11. defrag
12. put both hands on either side of monitor and shake violently
13. keep checking at random intervals to see if computer has been replaced with mac
14. come off the strange trance that i have been in for the past few hours because my soda has been mysteriously drugged
15. pick up the mac
16. find the nearest iron maiden and destroy the mac
17. find my computer and delete trojan horse written exclusively for HL2
18. crucify ANON
19. defrag
Third: Lil' Timmy
there is a lot of hostility towards valve just below the surface for the majority of these people..
for me: i'd lose my mind, getting progressivly angrier and more hateful until i've broken and destroyed most everything in my apt. then, being morbidly distraught, i'd drop out of school and wander the streets, becoming a heroin addict. eventually, i'll get sobered up and move to east asia (country unspecified) on my sudden inheritance. eventaully, through a surprising and seemingly impossible series of conicidences, i'll become a political force in my new land, playing intelligently behind the scences on behalf of a dissident faction, using my foreigner-status to gain access and information that my native allies cannot. i'll also become something of a dandy. eventually, i'll play a pivotal role in planning and pulling off a successful military coup, and then be appointed top advisor (and secret lover) to the queen. the queen (who naively trusted me too much) will meet with a tragic steamboat accident, and since she had had no hier, i will become the new king!! in the midst of a bloody war between the US (and australia and UK) and (newly communist) russia and china, my country will take over much of south asia, scoring victories in bhutan, laos, parts of cambodia and bangaldesh! using tech savy labor from these places, i'll create a personal code team that will create PC games for me and me ALONE!! i will play these games with increasing displeasure and eventaully have my team methodically assinated, even my best friend Kamphong. most horribley, i will take Kamphongs long time love as my wife!
in the aftermath of the WW3 i mentioned, no power will stop my tyranny, and evetually i'll rule over much of the eastern hemisphere. but a "pleasure" trip to bangkok will lead to a recurring illness in my kidneys. my suspected (and indeed true!) infidelity will become a national scandal, which will loosen my iron grip on my country. it becomes a moot point though, as i'm slowly dying anyway (in reality, it is my vengful and deceiving wife who is secretly poisoning me!). and finally, on my deathbed (as the rest of the world celebrates the demise of a horrible tyrannt) i will whisper into my wifes ear "half.... life.... two...." and then expire. she will never tell anyone what my last words were.
let's hope it works when i buy it.
Fourth: Superiority (you really really wanna win, don't ya?)
nice one shaitheatery.... lmao nunchucks..... man, valve is in bellvue, Washington and i live by seattle so i'd drive my pissed self over there with a fake wood hazard suit i made in my woodshop with a krappy lambada symbol on it, go in and yell "I'm Gordon Freeman! Killer of Combine! Heed my fake hunter's orange wooden hazard suit that pwnzorz you all! Finally, I have a voice, played by the very man himself, GORDON FREEMAN!!!" hum the charge tune and beat everything with a crowbar except the one working copy of Half-Life 2, steal it and wonder why my long jump module isn't working. after that i would probably wonder why i can't swing the crowbar as fast as in the game without hitting myself somewhere, make another paper mache headcrab (see my post on page 2), beat the crap out of it and yell "BEHOLD!!!! I SAVED YOU STUPID SCIENTISTS FROM BLACK MESA!!! NOW ITS THE WHOLE EARTH!!!! WHERE'S MY KUDOS?!?!?!?!" grab a kudo's bar and say it's better than the quaker's chewy bars (s'mores is the best), and after being sued for free advertising on this post i would yell at gabe and say "WHY?! WHY HAVE I NO VOICE IN THE GAME?!?! WHY MUST I NOT SEE MY OWN TWO FEET?!?! WHY ARE THERE NO TOILETS IN A HUGE CITY!?!!?? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!!" then end up beathing him with the dull side of the crowbar, only to discover it does nothing, then wonder where my HUD is..... then wake up in front of my computer to discover i'm in mid game and I've been the first one to beat it!
then i would have a huge lan party where we wrap ourselves in aluminum foil and attach the other end to the antenna of the TV and get free cable from it..... then we would order 2000 pounds of green jello powder and use it to make a huge cube like pool of jello, watch the sides fall and be able to swim in the jello cube like in ed edd and eddy (how the hell am i typing all this, and how the hell do i remember that dumb show?!) only for it to be sucked in by gabe as his revenge of me humiliating everyone at VALVe and for the welts from the crowbar, and only to be sued for making this post. then pull the floppy disk from my floppy drive to discover that it's why my computer didnt work in the first place..... then wake up again to discover i'm at my computer, ive beaten half-life 2 blah blah and it's a never ending story.
oh and then wake up in my bed with my laptop to discover Half-Life 2 isn't even installed.
if you read the whole thing which was 2673 characters long. yes you can even check it in word perfect, it's that long. well ok maybe it's short but if you read the whole thing then thanks!
Fifth: zdub
climb the largest tower i can find dressed like a combine, accompanied only by a copy of HL2 (that doesnt work!) a high caliber rifle and a ham sandwich, I would then throw whatevers at the top of the tower off to watch the "wicked physics" then start shooting and yelling in a daze of violence and anger. when the cops arrive they watch as i desperatly jump up and down grabbing at air screaming wheres the console impule 101! god mode! god!!! my mask would get turned around in the jumping, i'd think i've gone blind stumble around and then plummet to my death. my last words would be *excelent physics*
sixth: Murray_H
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/john.phillipson1/murray/pictures/finalboard.jpg
Thank you all for all your great responces.
First: king John I
I would draw the lambda symbol on the front of 50,00 spoons and a cute little headcrab on the back. Then i would hide them i the pockets of passing people in the high street, sortof like backwards pickpocketing with spoons. Then i would play a game where i use a metal detector to find those people again, when i find one of them if they still had the spoon i would give them a fork with a picture of gordan on to go with there collection if they didnt i would draw a picture of alynx on there forehead.
Then i would make a song where the only noise was a picture of a head crab(think about it) and then only eat head crabs and then only breath headcrabs and then i would only live headcrabs and then i would be a headcrab,
beat that mister smarty head crab
Secound: squishmasta
1. uninstall
2. update virus definitions
3. defrag
4. open windows help and then ask myself what the hell i am doing
5. reinstall
6. when error message pops up just sit still, stare, grit teeth and count back from ten
7. defrag
8. call my friends for help who all happen to have it working
9. install patch
10. call girlfriend and tell her she was right about computers all along
11. defrag
12. put both hands on either side of monitor and shake violently
13. keep checking at random intervals to see if computer has been replaced with mac
14. come off the strange trance that i have been in for the past few hours because my soda has been mysteriously drugged
15. pick up the mac
16. find the nearest iron maiden and destroy the mac
17. find my computer and delete trojan horse written exclusively for HL2
18. crucify ANON
19. defrag
Third: Lil' Timmy
there is a lot of hostility towards valve just below the surface for the majority of these people..
for me: i'd lose my mind, getting progressivly angrier and more hateful until i've broken and destroyed most everything in my apt. then, being morbidly distraught, i'd drop out of school and wander the streets, becoming a heroin addict. eventually, i'll get sobered up and move to east asia (country unspecified) on my sudden inheritance. eventaully, through a surprising and seemingly impossible series of conicidences, i'll become a political force in my new land, playing intelligently behind the scences on behalf of a dissident faction, using my foreigner-status to gain access and information that my native allies cannot. i'll also become something of a dandy. eventually, i'll play a pivotal role in planning and pulling off a successful military coup, and then be appointed top advisor (and secret lover) to the queen. the queen (who naively trusted me too much) will meet with a tragic steamboat accident, and since she had had no hier, i will become the new king!! in the midst of a bloody war between the US (and australia and UK) and (newly communist) russia and china, my country will take over much of south asia, scoring victories in bhutan, laos, parts of cambodia and bangaldesh! using tech savy labor from these places, i'll create a personal code team that will create PC games for me and me ALONE!! i will play these games with increasing displeasure and eventaully have my team methodically assinated, even my best friend Kamphong. most horribley, i will take Kamphongs long time love as my wife!
in the aftermath of the WW3 i mentioned, no power will stop my tyranny, and evetually i'll rule over much of the eastern hemisphere. but a "pleasure" trip to bangkok will lead to a recurring illness in my kidneys. my suspected (and indeed true!) infidelity will become a national scandal, which will loosen my iron grip on my country. it becomes a moot point though, as i'm slowly dying anyway (in reality, it is my vengful and deceiving wife who is secretly poisoning me!). and finally, on my deathbed (as the rest of the world celebrates the demise of a horrible tyrannt) i will whisper into my wifes ear "half.... life.... two...." and then expire. she will never tell anyone what my last words were.
let's hope it works when i buy it.
Fourth: Superiority (you really really wanna win, don't ya?)
nice one shaitheatery.... lmao nunchucks..... man, valve is in bellvue, Washington and i live by seattle so i'd drive my pissed self over there with a fake wood hazard suit i made in my woodshop with a krappy lambada symbol on it, go in and yell "I'm Gordon Freeman! Killer of Combine! Heed my fake hunter's orange wooden hazard suit that pwnzorz you all! Finally, I have a voice, played by the very man himself, GORDON FREEMAN!!!" hum the charge tune and beat everything with a crowbar except the one working copy of Half-Life 2, steal it and wonder why my long jump module isn't working. after that i would probably wonder why i can't swing the crowbar as fast as in the game without hitting myself somewhere, make another paper mache headcrab (see my post on page 2), beat the crap out of it and yell "BEHOLD!!!! I SAVED YOU STUPID SCIENTISTS FROM BLACK MESA!!! NOW ITS THE WHOLE EARTH!!!! WHERE'S MY KUDOS?!?!?!?!" grab a kudo's bar and say it's better than the quaker's chewy bars (s'mores is the best), and after being sued for free advertising on this post i would yell at gabe and say "WHY?! WHY HAVE I NO VOICE IN THE GAME?!?! WHY MUST I NOT SEE MY OWN TWO FEET?!?! WHY ARE THERE NO TOILETS IN A HUGE CITY!?!!?? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!!" then end up beathing him with the dull side of the crowbar, only to discover it does nothing, then wonder where my HUD is..... then wake up in front of my computer to discover i'm in mid game and I've been the first one to beat it!
then i would have a huge lan party where we wrap ourselves in aluminum foil and attach the other end to the antenna of the TV and get free cable from it..... then we would order 2000 pounds of green jello powder and use it to make a huge cube like pool of jello, watch the sides fall and be able to swim in the jello cube like in ed edd and eddy (how the hell am i typing all this, and how the hell do i remember that dumb show?!) only for it to be sucked in by gabe as his revenge of me humiliating everyone at VALVe and for the welts from the crowbar, and only to be sued for making this post. then pull the floppy disk from my floppy drive to discover that it's why my computer didnt work in the first place..... then wake up again to discover i'm at my computer, ive beaten half-life 2 blah blah and it's a never ending story.
oh and then wake up in my bed with my laptop to discover Half-Life 2 isn't even installed.
if you read the whole thing which was 2673 characters long. yes you can even check it in word perfect, it's that long. well ok maybe it's short but if you read the whole thing then thanks!
Fifth: zdub
climb the largest tower i can find dressed like a combine, accompanied only by a copy of HL2 (that doesnt work!) a high caliber rifle and a ham sandwich, I would then throw whatevers at the top of the tower off to watch the "wicked physics" then start shooting and yelling in a daze of violence and anger. when the cops arrive they watch as i desperatly jump up and down grabbing at air screaming wheres the console impule 101! god mode! god!!! my mask would get turned around in the jumping, i'd think i've gone blind stumble around and then plummet to my death. my last words would be *excelent physics*
sixth: Murray_H
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/john.phillipson1/murray/pictures/finalboard.jpg
