Have Mercy On My Soul - L4D Based Short Story (Journal Entries #1, 2)

[Robman8908]

(Currently a work in progress...)

This story is the current mindset of a simple man separate from the original L4D group, following behind them at all times, not knowing his chances of survival... This is his journal kept from that day...

October 12, 2009

I had finally made it to Mercy Hospital... The stench was unbearable and was of blood and meat. Death was the alternative and I had no other way to assure my living than to try to make my way to the roof. I had heard the helicopter hovering over the building I was safe inside of, ever since the breakout. On the way to the hospital I could hear gunshots, I know there are some others alive... But when I had made it to the entrance of the hospital, there was a dead black man with a buttoned up shirt and a red tie lying on the ground... I fear this may be the only man I would have been able to bring along... After placing a bullet into his skull to insure my survival, I made my way into the hospital... I know now that staying in that horrid shack would have been the end of me, but now I must make my way. This is the only way. I know this will be a trek, but I can do this... What is that sound? Rumbling, on an enormous scale... Could it be? I had heard them outside of my cover from before... The dreaded tank of dead meat? The fear I feel at this moment is so strong... But... I hope I can make it... I know I can make it... I stand in the doorway of a lobby on the second floor of this hospital, across the room, stands the extreme bulk of the undead man, screaming, pounding his chest... As he starts to run for me, I begin to run at him...

October 15, 2009

The screams are unbearable... I've been locked inside this elevator for the past five hours... The images of what I've seen in this Hospital, are beyond horrible... After making my way up to the 13th floor, I had finally found this working elevator, although I am unsure on how far it will take me. These screams... They're killing my soul... Who am I kidding, it's already died, ever since this all happened... I heard the blades of the chopper making it's way toward this building, but I don't know if it's coming back... Although my soul is dead, I'm withered and tired, my determination remains strong. If I could only make it to the top... The screams... Why won't they go away?! Replaying over and over inside of my head... On the fifth floor I found a girl, alone, and scared. She stayed behind me until we entered the stairwell between the ninth and tenth floor... I lost her... I ****ing lost her!!! I am halfway down the corridor toward the next stairwell that wasn't blocked off by many types of upholstery before I realize she isn't with me. I failed her, and I could tell by the blood curdling screams I heard. I had to run back and find out if she was okay... By the time I made it to the door, I looked through the small rectangular window and saw them... Feasting... Like animals... I could see into her empty, lifeless eyes, staring right back into mine. She was just like her... I must go for now, my leg needs tending and the doors are beginning to finally open back up... The lights...




Let me know what any of you willing to read all of this thinks! All ideas and such are welcome!

 

[Sledgehammer]

It's not bad. The ... is very, very overdone. Cut down on it. Also, swearing in a short story is very immature (unless it's erotic, but please, no erotic L4D fanfic). Although, I liked how you focused on the mental part of it, rather than "gunning down a lot of zombies".

Oh, and L4D is in October 2009.

 

[Born]

"The dreaded tank of dead meat?"

I couldn't help but LOL, seriously man, I was nearly in tears.

Not a bad attempt mate. I'd keep entries like that much shorter though. I think it's alot more effective by presenting short, snappy records each describing different scenarios and Survivors.

 

[Omnomnick]

Pretty cool. Not the best but far from the worst.

 

[Robman8908]

Well, you see, my idea for writing it was just in the point of view of a regular man who lived in the city. The cursing in it is tied to the way his mind processes, from before the outbreak and such, so if he had cursed before on a regular basis, he would definitely curse at the sight of some huge ****ing tank coming at him.

On the other post, I explained it as a "dreaded tank of dead meat" because 1. He doesn't have a strategy guide :hmph: and 2. He's trying to explain things the best way he knows how...

Think of the way that I'm writing this in the ways that Stephen King wrote the way people talked in Dolores Claiborn. It's just trying to in vision the writer of the journal through his eyes.

 

[Sledgehammer]

But that is not the best idea when you have a first person narrator.

 

[the cow says moo]

I thought it was great, man. I liked how the black man died first. The only problem I found was how does the guy manage to write this down while a Tank is coming at him?

 

[McGooTheWise]

*Charges tank*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Oh, gotta write in my journal real quick. Hold on, Mr. Tank. *Tank stops* "Grrff drrf"

"I stand in the doorway of a lobby on the second floor of this hospital, across the room, stands the extreme bulk of the undead man, screaming, pounding his chest... As he starts to run for me, I begin to run at him..."

OKAY! I'm ready!

*Charges*

 

[the cow says moo]

I assume the guy got the Man vs. Tank achievement.

 

[Robman8908]

Yes. He did.

And I was writing the whole tank thing in the idea that while he was actually safe, the terror of knowing that he had faced a friggin' tank just kept replaying in his head. He's going crazy.