HL2.net, help me with a small english text

[chimpmunk]

I'd like to know if that little text makes sense and if the syntax is correct, english being only a second language for me.

here's the text:
"It was a crude photographic device wich we had built on that day, but it was one of our first steps towards a clearer glimpse of the truth.

Not that they would have let us anyways, if only they had known.

Not as practical as the glasses, this camera still allowed us not only to see what they were hiding, but to record it.

This structure appeared to us, without any windows or doors, in the middle of a fenced concrete lot, amidst flying newspapers whose headlines read "Obey"."

(it's a little text to go with that picture, inspired by the movie THEY LIVE)

 

[Emporius]

"It was a crude photographic device that we built that day, but it was one of our first steps towards a clearer glimpse of the truth.

Not that they would have let us anyways, if only they had known.

While not as practical as the glasses, this camera still allowed us to not only see what they were hiding, but to record it as well.

This structure appeared to us, without any windows or doors, in the middle of a fenced concrete lot, amidst flying newspapers whose headlines read "Obey"."

I made a few small adjustments to help the flow, but other than that it was pretty good.

Good luck

 

[VirusType2]

I made a few small adjustments to help the flow, but other than that it was pretty good.

Good luck

yeah that fixed it. (confirmation)

 

[L3N!N]

just heed emp's advice...and you have a great start..

 

[chimpmunk]

thanks for the help