How to cope with nervousness?

[Ravioli]

I have SERIOUS problems with nervousness. Can hl2.net share its godlike help? How do you cope with nervousness? Any tricks to deal with it? Im almost throwing up of it right now, started slowly a few hours ago but it has built up to a nuclear bomb in my stumech. The reason is silly as **** but being nervous is like a disease for me, it has stalked me all life and pretty much ruins all great oppertunities i have.


:x:x:x

 

[Slug Advisor]

Uh, I've had some problems with nervousness, but I just... got over it. I don't know how, but it's not much of an issue right now. My confidence is still exteremely low, though.

Also, in before child molesting and marijuana.

 

[TechnoHippyChic]

Marijuana.

 

[Crushenator 500]

Why are you nervous right now, what is the problem

 

[Darkside55]

Deep breaths, constant mental reinforcement to calm down, nothing's wrong.

 

[Ravioli]

Why are you nervous right now, what is the problem

its really silly actually, kind of ashamed over my exaguration of it, but its killing me. Il just explain from the beginning

Always when girls starts to hang out with me, its all cool, untill they start liking me more. At some points they want to go into a relationship with me, but my nervousness makes me do the wrong moves at the wrong time which destroyes everything. It has left me devestated everytime, hating myself for my stupidity. Im to scared to lose the whole thing, to make her not like me anymore. It has happen to many times and this time i really like the girl and she seems to like me alot too and were getting really close. But im so scared to loose it again, i dont want it to be another misstake...another thing i **** up. The nervousness destroys it, it changes my entire personality to a point where the girl doesnt like me anymore. We are so close to get together that i dont wanna mess it up, any word/move/action i do will determen my fait. Im suppose to call her tonight but im scared shitless that i will **** everything up, especially with the dead silence that might occure when i dont know what to say.

Told you it was silly...its just a damn phone call...but it could mess everything up because of my damn nervousness.

ITS KILLING ME

 

[Slug Advisor]

Try planning things out more and see if that works. But either way, you're gonna do fine. YOU ARE GOING TO DO FINE, GODDAMNIT! Just keep telling yourself that, until you start to believe it.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Drink.

Or just force yourself to think about something else. I mean seriously force yourself. Like load the audio track from a porno into your MP3-player. That'll make your mind wander I'd bet.

 

[Darkside55]

...same advice I gave Bluehair, then. Confidence, be a man, shout really loud, grab your junk, make phonecall.

Come on dude, either you're going to get with her or not. She likes who you are and it's your nervousness that destroys it, so stop it. Call her up, be who you normally are that she likes, forget those thoughts of, "What if I mess up, what if this, what if that." Seriously, it's unbecoming of a man. Just plunge right in there and do it; if you think of nervousness as a coat, shrug that shit off your shoulders. It really is just that easy.

Deep breath, shouting to build up resolve, phone call. You're Ravioli man; don't worry nothin' 'bout nothin'.

 

[Glirk Dient]

Don't think about being serious. Just try and have a good time with her. Act like she is just one of your friends and just put yourself out there and see where it goes. Don't be nervous...I used to be like that and I honestly don't know how I fixed it. Maybe your just not confident enough. Just don't over analyze and realize that you hanging out with her is all she really wants right now. If you have gotten this far that's a good sign so just act normal and try to have fun. Work on ignoring the negative thoughts as I know from experience that they do mess you up. Just ignore them and concentrate on having fun and don't worry about what she is thinking about you.

 

[<RJMC>]

pluck one of those clamp people use to hang the clothes to your balls

the point is that your mind will be so focused whit the pain and will not be focused on the nerviousnes

 

[Angry Lawyer]

Im suppose to call her tonight but im scared shitless that i will **** everything up, especially with the dead silence that might occure when i dont know what to say.

Wow, I'm amazed people other than me actually get this.

I do a lot of talking with body language, and I find phone calls pretty intimidating to start with.

-Angry Lawyer

 

[Glirk Dient]

Wow, I'm amazed people other than me actually get this.

I do a lot of talking with body language, and I find phone calls pretty intimidating to start with.

-Angry Lawyer

Same I hate talking on the phone. I always cut calls short. I guess that's all you gotta do. Call her make a bit of small talk and just make the call short. Say you gotta go save a cat that's stuck in a tree. She will understand.

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Same I hate talking on the phone. I always cut calls short. I guess that's all you gotta do. Call her make a bit of small talk and just make the call short. Say you gotta go save a cat that's stuck in a tree. She will understand.

Aye, talking on the phone sucks.

 

[Laivasse]

I sympathise with you, OP. Anxiety causes a few problems for me too, and I also hate talking on the phone.

My honest advice would be: drink, like Rimmer said.

It's not a long term solution, but for a short term respite nothing makes you lose your inhibitions like a little bit of alcohol. It doesn't even have to be that much - certainly not so much that you are obviously drunk. If you have a couple of bevvies you can quickly get to the point where life just seems to slow down a bit, stuff matters less, your actions become more instinctive and you can enjoy the company of others more easily without having to worry about the repercussions of everything you say.

This is only if you are a Happy Drunk, however. If you are an Angry Drunk you will probably end up beating her black and blue.

 

[Glirk Dient]

I would suggest not to drink. It will make you look like an alcoholic and you won't have any sort of game when drunk. Just learn to control your nervousness. It will take time but it's worth it.

 

[spunge]

I sorta used to have a problem with being 'shy' and personally mentally negotiating with yourself doesn't help. If i ever felt self conscious i would find a "taking my mind off it" route like counting down from 10 or small math, but forcing myself to take my mind off something didn't help.

So i tried the opposite and thought "everyones looking at you / waiting for you to say something" etc. whatever it was and it seemed to make the reality not bother me (after just imagining that it was a serious situation in which i should be genuinely nervous). And now i "practise" being more talkative just for the sake, trying as much as possible to start conversations with random people.

Just try to make yourself as nervous as possible right now, by bending the truth out of proportion. You'll find it difficult to 'scare' yourself as when you look at the problem in detail it's actually nothing. This technique kindof helps if you're feeling sad / depressed, try to make yourself feel as bad as possible by thinking what's wrong. Usually you end up feeling like you've made piece with it.


edit: i didn't read some of the replies, and they reminded me: DRINK. You need to get out of your head a bit and stop caring about your situation. Don't drink to the point of immobility, just enough so that you believe "it'll be orite".

 

[Slug Advisor]

I'd advise the OP NOT to drink. It's not going to exactly create a great impression and I really doubt it's going to help him much.

 

[Laivasse]

Why does the girl ever need to know? Again, he doesn't have to get blind drunk, just enough to be relaxed. If breath is a giveaway, chew some gum or have a mint.

 

[NeptuneUK]

Doob.

 

[Druckles]

You can't "deal with it". You just ignore it and hate yourself.

 

[Tyguy]

try talking to her while masturbating

 

[Ravioli]

thanks for all the help, tried my best to relax. At first we talked and i was very nervous but it was flowing well, then later the nervousness was completely gone and we were just talking...but then something bad happend...we were talking to much, actually, SHE was talking to much. After i said everything i planned to say etc i was completely out of words, all i could respond with was just short shits and laughs, probably made me sound like i wasnt intrested at all. Overall i think i did well, altho the ending was bad. (talked for more than an hour)

Now im coming up with great stuff i could have said so it kinda pisses me off that i didnt think of it earlier.

GAHH...glad its over tho.

 

[Shift]

You cant beat it, everyone gets nervous or scared at times, you just gotta learn to control it, its there but you can think. It can be a key factor in anything you can harnass it, like on the field, controlling the fear of getting killed increaes the mentality of not getting killed whilst still doing your job, that sort of thing.

I for one relish being nervous, keeps me more alert.

 

[baron insig]

I find the easiest way to inject conversation with omph when ur ****ed with what to say is to talk about her day and your day

My reasoning, when i used to talk to girls it was always have you ever? where ahve you been everything in the past. this is going to run out sooner or later so.

Talk about their day. showing an interest will get them talking. you will find things u can relate to your day and start talking about that.

Just be careful you dont make everything about yourself. i find i do that alot. e.g.

oh yeh i did that to, it tired me out. Just include her in the conversation

If she thinks your interested in her day. And how she is your sorted.

Sometimes you will end up in a really deep conversation. It just happened to me with a girl on my floor ( Uni acommodation ) We jsut tlkaed for about an hour about random stuff. completly as friends but it just flowed.

Keep things in the present, try and find out what she is doing on the weekend/ sat night with out sounding stalker ish.

Maybe, say, have you seen this film? im seeing it on friday with my mates do you know if its any good?

Just listen! and talk about stuff

 

[lame-o]

Marijuana.

That's true actually... I'm the most neurotic person you'll ever meet. I shake when I have to speak in front of my class (I don't know why), I never know what to say, I rub my nose alot, and I just think that I'm being scrutinized... which makes me do stupid things and leads to me being scrutinized. But when I'm stoned or burnt out or have simply been smoking recently, I just feel like the feeling you get when you listen to Bob Marley or the Beatles. It makes you not give 2 shits about the stupid stuff that gets people down. Nervous ticks are kissed goodbye for a while too.
It sure as hell isn't something permanent though. Marijuana won't fix you; it'll just make it easier along the way while you try to fix yourself.

 

[Higlac]

Just talk to her. Listen, have an opinion. If you don't then say you don't, be honest. If she doesn't start talking ask how her day went, that's a good 5 minutes of conversation where you don't have to do anything except go "mmh hmm." If you call her, just dial and right when she picks up you say "Hey, it's ********, how are you doing?"

You just have to start talking. It flows from there. Just don't start talking about your junk, her tits, or sexual favors (unless you've been going out for a while). Talk about whatever sport she might be in, ask what sort of clubs she might be in. Find her interests and talk about them until she asks about yours. If she does, then keep it simple, don't go into great detail, unless she asks for specifics.

 

[McGooTheWise]

its really silly actually, kind of ashamed over my exaguration of it, but its killing me. Il just explain from the beginning

Always when girls starts to hang out with me, its all cool, untill they start liking me more. At some points they want to go into a relationship with me, but my nervousness makes me do the wrong moves at the wrong time which destroyes everything. It has left me devestated everytime, hating myself for my stupidity. Im to scared to lose the whole thing, to make her not like me anymore. It has happen to many times and this time i really like the girl and she seems to like me alot too and were getting really close. But im so scared to loose it again, i dont want it to be another misstake...another thing i **** up. The nervousness destroys it, it changes my entire personality to a point where the girl doesnt like me anymore. We are so close to get together that i dont wanna mess it up, any word/move/action i do will determen my fait. Im suppose to call her tonight but im scared shitless that i will **** everything up, especially with the dead silence that might occure when i dont know what to say.

Told you it was silly...its just a damn phone call...but it could mess everything up because of my damn nervousness.

ITS KILLING ME

Damn man... Same thing happened to me too. I had this very pretty girl that liked me, sweet thing too, and not a bad body, and I was really nice to her for a long time, and she started to get touchy with me (Scratching my back at random times when I sat in front of her) and though I loved it, for some reason I wanted to make her think I hated it, and I didn't really even know her that well, so she just... stopped talking to me, and I've been afraid to talk to her for a while because of the same thing you said, "WUT IFF I FUXX IT UP?!" but you just have to tell yourself "Quit being a dumbass. You got it in the bag, she already likes you, and if you fuk it up, theres more to go around."

I can tell myself that, but I honestly really liked that girl, so I can't stop thinking about it. it haunts me, and sometimes I feel like it's making fun of me...

I also get nervous when I have to do anything in front of somebody that they are judging me, I freeze up, and it is especially bad when I have to do presentations. I will actually take zeros on projects so I don't have to present... In before "Whimp!" and many other miscellaneous names...

The main thing you have to remember is that deep down, you don't give a shit. (You know you do, but I find that if I just tell myself "I don't give a shit" it gets a bit easier.)

Hopes it helps to know you're not the only one... I actually have friends that get anxiety and have to take medicine to keep them from eating their own fingers when they get stressed. :|

 

[Pesmerga]

No immediate solution available.

 

[sinkoman]

thanks for all the help, tried my best to relax. At first we talked and i was very nervous but it was flowing well, then later the nervousness was completely gone and we were just talking...but then something bad happend...we were talking to much, actually, SHE was talking to much. After i said everything i planned to say etc i was completely out of words, all i could respond with was just short shits and laughs, probably made me sound like i wasnt intrested at all. Overall i think i did well, altho the ending was bad. (talked for more than an hour)

Now im coming up with great stuff i could have said so it kinda pisses me off that i didnt think of it earlier.

GAHH...glad its over tho.

It's a clue. She's a chatty irritating bitch.

Run for the ****ing hills.

But yeah. Don't think about her, that seems to help when I get nervous around chicks.

Just stop thinking about them. Think about going really fast in your car/on your bike or something. Or doing something insanely fun.

There, nervousness gone, and when she asks "are you ok, you look kind spacey" you have something else to talk about!

:E

Rly though, what is there to **** up? She already likes you, all the hard work is done already. All you have to do now is ask her out :/

 

[Saturos]

If I get too nervous, I'd just punch the guy nearest to me. That always helps alleviate some stress.

 

[nurizeko]

Drugs.

NEXT!.