I was stabbed in the arse.

SamuraiKenji

SamuraiKenji

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So it was late, i had stayed up 'til like 6 AM,a nd i was damn tired.So i was stripping to my boxers(Oh yes ladies, i b t3h smex), but only ever got my shirt off and just crashed. The contents of my pocket were - 4 pocket knives of various sizes, a pen and an uber-sharp screw-driver and my wallet in my ass-pocket. So somewhere through the night, i wake up and get poked in the ass by something, so i figure it's the spring in my mattress. So i'm like "Uuuurgghh" and reach under to pull some blanket under me, and i feel the biggest of my knives. Somehow it had opened and gotten under me and stabbed me in the ass. I looked at it for a sec like "Wtf" then closed it and layed there all like "Wtf" for a while hen went back to sleep thinking..."Wtf?!"


Any one else have weird stories like mine?
 
You keep knives and sharp screw-drivers in your back pockets?

Smart.
 
maybe hes just an amateur serial killer

pffff ****ing amateurs!
 
A long time ago, I sat down on the edge of a curb, and I very quickly realized that it was right where I had just put out my cigarette.
 
Eejit said:
You keep knives and sharp screw-drivers in your back pockets?

Smart.
Click to expand...

All i keep in my back pocket is my wallet, the rest are in the front pockets. But still, it was clipped to my pocket, and somehow it was unclipped, opened and stuck under meh
 
SamuraiKenji said:
So it was late, i had stayed up 'til like 6 AM,a nd i was damn tired.So i was stripping to my boxers(Oh yes ladies, i b t3h smex), but only ever got my shirt off and just crashed. The contents of my pocket were - 4 pocket knives of various sizes, a pen and an uber-sharp screw-driver and my wallet in my ass-pocket. So somewhere through the night, i wake up and get poked in the ass by something, so i figure it's the spring in my mattress. So i'm like "Uuuurgghh" and reach under to pull some blanket under me, and i feel the biggest of my knives. Somehow it had opened and gotten under me and stabbed me in the ass. I looked at it for a sec like "Wtf" then closed it and layed there all like "Wtf" for a while hen went back to sleep thinking..."Wtf?!"


Any one else have weird stories like mine?
Click to expand...



why are carrying so many knives and a pointy screwdriver? serving a life sentence and Big Bubba just asked you to dance?
 
Nah, i just like having things in my pockets. I normally carry around a lot of change as well.
 
Many years ago, I was a smoker, and for a short time, I had developed a nervous habit of flicking my lighter to generate sparks for amusement.

Well, I was talking to my father in the kitchen and had my hand in my pocket flicking my lighter, when all the lint in the pocket of my shorts ignited and caught fire. The funny thing was, it caught me by surprise. I managed to pat it out really fast, but, my Dad really found that amusing and insulted my intelligence for the entire day.

I had several puns for this, but I forgot them for the time being, if you want to take a stab at it.
 
Why the shit would you have four pocket knives?

Many years ago, I was a smoker, and for a short time, I had developed a nervous habit of flicking my lighter to generate sparks for amusement.

Well, I was talking to my father in the kitchen and had my hand in my pocket flicking my lighter, when all the lint in the pocket of my shorts ignited and caught fire. The funny thing was, it caught me by surprise. I managed to pat it out really fast, but, my Dad really found that amusing and insulted my intelligence for the entire day.

I had several puns for this, but I forgot them for the time being, if you want to take a stab at it.
Click to expand...
That sort of thing can get you fired from your job.
 
Wait wait wait...you got stabbed in the ass...and you went right back to sleep? Shouldn't you be at a hospital right now getting stitches?

EDIT: His name IS Samurai, and since swords are illegal in public, this was his only option.
 
Well... first of all, you don't need four pocket knives.

Second of all, why not just get a leatherman if you think you'll need several tools on the go?

Most importantly (side note), don't ever carry a butterfly knife in your pocket, it's a cool way to stab your hand.

Yeah, and don't put sharp stuff in your back pocket.
 
I refuse to read OP's post. I just know that Kenji was stabbed in the ass.

How I've always known it.
 
Funny Pitzy. I DID say the reasoning behind the massive amounts of stuff in my pockets
 
I came into this thread with the happy assumption Kenji had an unfortunately homosexual encounter.

I find he has merely been an idiot.

*sigh* Oh well, it'll do.
 
My friend slept on his phone before, broke the little joystick control thingy.
 
ríomhaire said:
My friend slept on his phone before, broke the little joystick control thingy.
Click to expand...

Your friend has a cellphone with a joystick? Holy god **** what kind of cellphone is it? Can he fly helicopters with it?
 
Christ I've said it like 3 times. I just like having stuff in my pockets, and i can use them as screwdrivers if the size is too big or too small for the screwdriver i have
 
I was talking to this girl I liked at the time at school, we sat down, I made the most funky and pained expression on my face while attempting to hold back tears.













I SAT ON MY KEYS
 
You like it?
That's a horrible reason.
 
duuuoooooood what if I shove my dickeys up your butt?





See who likes it then bitch.


Edit: o wait lul u talkin to Kenji but I till offer the dick up your butt Becca
 
I was hoping this was going to be a thread about Kenji coming out as a homosexual.
 
SamuraiKenji said:
Christ I've said it like 3 times. I just like having stuff in my pockets, and i can use them as screwdrivers if the size is too big or too small for the screwdriver i have
Click to expand...

What the **** are you doing with four pocket knives in the first place?
 
if you like having things in your pocket you might try gum...it's refreshing and only half as dangerous as knives, depending on size of course.
 
Good with what i got, thanks though :D
Also, Virus, never heard of those xD
 
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