In the future, its gunna be awfully shitty!

[Warped]

Toilet Paper Problem: Good Raw Material Being Wiped Out

A shortage of high-quality paper for recycling could mean scratchy toilet tissue. To keep consumers happy and avoid any chafed rear ends, companies are now on a quest to find new paper supplies, according to an article in the current issue of Chemical & Engineering News (C&EN).

The problem: Consumers once could fill up large bins with their recycled newspapers, magazines and print paper. But as electronic communication surges, these sources of recycled paper are becoming scarce.

The shortage could impact those who choose toilet paper with a bulky amount of recycled material, but most household tissue products contain very little recycled paper, according to WWF, an international environmental organization.

For those who prefer the eco-brands, high-end choices are more than about status. High-quality paper contains long cellulose fibers with intact cell walls, so it can be used to make high-end products, including toilet paper. The gold standard is virgin pulp from newly harvested trees, whose fibers are long and strong. Each time that paper gets recycled, the fibers become shorter and weaker, with lower-quality brown paper producing recycled material with the shortest, weakest fibers.

One green-products company, Seventh Generation, is already feeling the heat. The Vermont-based company has had to extend beyond its normal paper mills to find the best recycled paper.

"We want a recycled paper that has certain quality," Martin Wolf, director of product and environmental technology at the company, told C&EN. "We look for the longest fiber possible for strength and absorbency, and as flexible a fiber as possible so toilet tissue is soft."

In addition to the paper chase, chemical companies are developing new coatings and other additives that can improve the softness, strength and performance of recycled paper.

http://www.livescience.com/environment/toilet-paper-chase-100421.html

kinda reminds me of those sea shells from Demolition man

 

[63]

Because we haven't been adapting for millions of years...

 

[DEATHMASTER]

 

[Stigmata]

I just had a horrible vision of an economically apocalyptic future, where recycling corporations lobby against the reduced use of paper materials in public facilities, which would reduce their material intake and presumably reduce operating profits.

Basically I misread the thread and article titles.

 

[MJ12]

 

[Mr-Fusion]

Deathmaster is on the right track. We'll all have to plant one of those trees with good shit wiping leaves.

 

[Danimal]

I'm more worried about the NWO than toilet paper in the future tbh

 

[Warped]

ZT is on the right track, We'll all have to go to church again...but only to swipe bibles and we won't be using the New King James version because its newer and a bit itchier. Also people will finally have a reason to get rid of all their old school notes.

 

[Robbo]

Or we could just sit lower in our toilets when we flush them

 

[Raziaar]

I'm more worried about the NWO than toilet paper in the future tbh

<shakes Danimal vigorously> Snap out of it!

 

[Maestro]

<shakes Danimal vigorously> Snap out of it!

You would require considerably more than a vigorous shake, considering he actually believes the Obama Deception.

 

[Remus]

considering he actually believes the Obama Deception.

Spoiler

 

[VirusType2]

Deathmaster is on the right track. We'll all have to plant one of those trees with good shit wiping leaves.

Um, yeah. That's Poison Ivy. Have fun with that.

EDIT: OK, it's not. It's Betel.

Here's Poison Ivy:

But good luck on the determination. Because this is what will happen to your rectum:

 

[Naph]

Your rectum turns into a smoker.

 

[StarBob]

In India they use squirt nozzles and only have toilet paper for drying. It was awkwardly refreshing... spraying yourself with the same thing you use to rinse your dishes...

 

[Maestro]

No puns yet?

How are toilet paperers supposed to keep plying their trade?

 

[Mogi67]

I'm going to invest stock in bidet manufacterers

 

[Maestro]

I think toilet paper manufacturers have reached the end of their roll in the bathroom.

C'mon guys, I shouldn't be making all these.

 

[the cow says moo]

Um, yeah. That's Poison Ivy. Have fun with that.

EDIT: OK, it's not. It's Betel.

Here's Poison Ivy:

But good luck on the determination. Because this is what will happen to your rectum:

Suckers! Poison Ivy doesn't affect me! I'll be one of the first of a whole new species of humans who aren't affected by Poison Ivy and whose species will become dominant after yours has gone extinct because your asses are bloated and infected and you can't reproduce. Your extinction will be caused by the loss of toilet paper. Isn't that embarrassing?

Eventually, even Poison Ivy will go extinct because we used all of it to rub our asses with.

 

[CyberPitz]

Glad I'm not the first one who read the story and thought of the 3 see shells.

 

[Higlac]

This is the plant you want for toilet paper.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbascum_thapsus

 

[Maestro]

This is the plant you want for toilet paper.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbascum_thapsus

Oh, Indian Toilet Paper! That shit grows all over the place on some mountains.

 

[JDM Accord]

Or we could just sit lower in our toilets when we flush them

Good idea.