It was a dark and stormy night.

[Sulkdodds]

Welcome to the Bullwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The aim of the contest is not to write the best fiction, nor the most interesting, nor the most intellectually, physically, even erotically stimulating; nor even the most average, the greyest, the drabbest but simply the worst opening line it is possible to contrive without mounting the inside cover of the papery repository of knowledge with twelve inches of sheffield steel that would, shining like mirrors in a Sahara heatwave, pop out and scour out the reader's eyes like as a cannon shell bursts a water-bed.

Click here for frontpage.
Click here for the full list of winning entries for 2005.

Here are some examples laugh:

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

The double agent looked up from his lunch of Mahi-Mahi and couscous and realized that he must escape from Walla Walla to Bora Bora to come face-to-face with his arch enemy by taking out his 30-30 and shooting off his nemesis' ear-to-ear grin so he could wave bye-bye to this duplicitous life, but the chances of him pulling this off were only so-so, much less than 50-50.

Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn't even be used to make a coat or something.

Maybe we should have our own. :E

 

[Solaris]

Lets! I'll do one!

Clarkys jaw dropped down 3.14 cm, as the resonance cascade was set in motion. Although it contradicted his newly developed tri-cycle particle theory regarding dual core atoms, and there co dependant electron manifestations, he was still in awe. The sonoluminesing continued to increase thus setting off the secondary re-action.
There was only one course of action, to sit down and alert the internet using as many complicated synonyms and putting the readers in as many quandaries as possible.

 

[StardogChampion]

You've linked to the results page in both links.

 

[evil^milk]

"The night resembled nothing so much as the nose of a giant Labrador in excellent health: cold, black, and wet."

lolzor.

 

[staticprimer]

"Has anyone seen my cat, muffin?" Tim called out into the enveloping darkness. The alley cast shadows on things, like shadows from his haunted past. "Psst - over here!" A voice slinked from one of the icy shadows, icy like his bitter memories. A man emerged from the shadows, steam swirling around him. He was holding an orange feline. "Here, take it." "Muffin!" Tim shouted in exalted joy. The cat gave a pleasant meow as the shadowy man dropped the orange feline into Tim's hands. Then, just as quickly as he had emerged from the icy shadows, the shadowy man disappeared into the shadows, like the mother that had abandoned Tim so very long ago. Tim stood in the dark alley wondering who this mysterious man was, and why he asked for no reward, when he noticed a note taped to muffin. It read: "If you ever want to see muffin alive again, being $350 to the shadowy alley at midnight." It was at that point Tim realized that what he was holding was not muffin, but rather a stuffed animal made to look just like him. Tim felt saddness, anger, and anxiety fill up inside of him until it spilled out like the enveloping darkness that surrounded him. "MUFFIN!!!!!!"

 

[SimonomiS]

Rules
# Each entry must consist of a single sentence but you may submit as many entries as you wish.
# Sentences may be of any length (though you go beyond 50 or 60 words at your peril), and entries must be "original" (as it were) and previously unpublished.

 

[staticprimer]

Damn only a sentence? Cause I already have most of the story worked out in my head, and it may or may not involve insane cultists.