Lobster De Le Patch

MJ12

The Freeman
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A great dish for small time events you can bring to your soccer team or stone mason meetings.

First you take a small Lobster, about the size of a large ruler. You're gunna want to take a fine knife, most likely a fine metal knife in your kitchen.

First you place the knife inside of the lobster, much like the way you would use a flat iron and just use your thumb as the leverage, and slowly, slowly peel back the shell.

Now, you take the shell, place it inside of a container and let sit in the fridge for oh say anywhere between 2-7 hours.
This helps the shell get a real nice fine coat, makes it nice and crunchy.

Now, you wanna take the knife, and peel down the lobster. If you have difficulty cutting straight, it helps to just imagine that the lobster has a small coat with a zipper, and just imagine you are zippering him up.
In the middle, you are going to find a little gem, now don't eat it, this is the Lobster's bendalla, what it is is all the dust and grains of salt that the lobster has eaten accumulated into one large clump. Lobsters consume a lot of salt because they live in the ocean and it helps increase their metabolism.

And finally, you're going to take all those crunchy shells and just stuff them inside of the slot you cut. And gently place the bendalla gem on top for decoration, but make sure no one eats it and that it is only use to season the Lobster De Le Patch with natural salts from the ocean.

Enjoy! Lobster De Le Patch!
 
Or I could jst boil the ****er and stick him in sum budder nom nom nom
 
there is no way you cook lobsters with your penis sir...first of all, you would need to heat your penis, and we all know the tip can only take so much
 
i cook lobster with penis

Well it's usually best to give a raw lobster a good hard cider marinade. Just place the lobster in a large bowl and pour three hard ciders on top of it. This is what the french call Boche De Le Croche. Which loosely translates to "Bathe The Crustation".
 
de le -> du
c'est vrai!

When I was 11 I made friends with a lobster and promised him that I would never eat his friends or brothers.

Awwww <3

I occasionally advise my pet lizard that I will eat him if he misbehaves.

I don't think he understands English though, because he is from South America. So that's when I hold him up to my mouth and open wide making a playful 'rawr' sound. This display always puts him on his best behavior.
 
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