Meet the cast of Gi Joe

It may very well be that Uwe directing it would have made it better.






Nah.
 
Make way, resident cartoon omega-level nerd coming through to make assessments of this movie based on promotional stills.

I'm already declaring this movie fuckawesome. As I said in a previous thread, this movie automatically receives positive points toward it because it's a GI Joe movie that isn't the 1986 animated feature. That alone is worth something because now when people talk about "the GI Joe movie," it doesn't have to be punctuated by horrible flashbacks and nostalgia rage.

So, casting.

Scarlett looks good. I'm not going to nitpick over green vs. blue eyes. She's a redhead with a crossbow; what do you want?

Tatum's a bit pretty (even with that scar) and a lot young for Duke, but he looks like a guy I could look at and say, "I can see him as Duke." He's OK.

Karolina Kurkova as Cover Girl, smart. "We've got a character who was once a model, who do we get to play her?"
"A model?"
"Brilliant!"

Marlon Wayans. Oh, shit. Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. Oh, SHIT. Why Ripcord? Why not Roadblock? I can see Wayans as Roadblock so easily. But Ripcord? Man, thay's gonna bring the preliminary expectations down.

Alright let me just say right now that Storm Shadow's my favorite Joe, so I'm inclined to be harshest with him. That being said, there is absolutely nothing about that costume I don't like. So awesome. I don't know anything about Lee Byun-hun so I'm just gonna say I approve of his look.

That is not Baroness. I don't know who that is, but it isn't Anastasia. Was there a shortage on haughty, dominatrix-esque women who have raven hair and glasses? I don't know who I'm looking at here. Terrible. How do you screw that one up? Sierra Miller looks like a reject from Cy Girls.

Ray Park is Snake Eyes. Ray Park is Snake Eyes. RAY PARK is SNAKE EYES. All you naysayers, "blah blah blah this movie will suck," "looks cheap," whatever detractor comments you whiny babies who probably don't know shit about GI Joe in the first place have, Ray Park is Snake Eyes. Nothing will stop that from being awesome. NOTHING. At this point, at the point that decision was made they could've said whatever else they wanted, they could've taken a ream of paper to the bathroom and shit out a massive, greasy, held-in-for-a-week-after-eating-asparagus-and-ex-lax-shakes dump all on the pages, wiped thoroughly and called that the script, and this movie would STILL be awesome. When you watch this movie I guarantee you will have to dredge through three feet of nerd semen to get back to the lobby. Nothing can fuck this up; they could show him for three seconds just doing a flip and you never see him again and you'll be like, "Goddamn that flip was awesome, $10 well spent."

Hawk...I got nothing to say about Hawk, neither good or bad.

I'm not digging them futuristic combat suits, but what else would covert operatives wear? They can't wear their digs from the cartoon; most've 'em would look ridiculous. Except for Snake Eyes.

Who is played by Ray Park.
 
I really dont see what the big deal is about having an actor playing a character who's face is completely obscured by a mask ..for the entire film

"director: EMOTE EMOTE, Ray I'm not seeing you emoting enough for this big scene here ...

ok, work with me .. you just found out Destro was a former 70's porn star/pimp, hence the pink and purple porn robe and the chrome dome ...I want big emotions here; you're shocked you're surprised, maybe even a little sexually excited.. "

Ray Park: "? ..but I'm wearing a mas.."

director: "and ACTION"
 
Emotions? Nobody cares about Snake Eyes "emoting," or acting in any capacity whatsoever. Snake Eyes has a sword and he is going to flip out and cut shit up. He is going to have a NINJA BATTLE with Storm Shadow. Who the fuck cares about acting or seeing his face?!

Ninja! Sword! Flips out! Cuts shit up!!!
 
ya you're right ..no one cares about acting in a gi-joe movie cuz acting never made an action movie good ..that's why the Chuck Norrises and the Steven segals of today are seen as la creme de la creme of acting prowess

who needs acting? ..so long as they have guns and stuff it'll be better than sliced bread

Gi JOEEEEE, a real american ..oh wait that's not politically correct ..Gi JOOOOOOEEE A real ..global Hero ..Gi JOOOOOOOOOEEEE





and knowing is half the battle





btw since the name GiJoe was what foreigners called US soldiers exclusively and since this movie is about a global anti-terrorist team shouldnt the name be Gi Hans or Gi Dieter? ....oh right:

"Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity"

they changed it to make it extra politically correct
 
I don't have much in the ways of GI Joe geek credentials so I can't say with any authority if this is will be a case of nostalgia rape, even though this does look to be real silly just going off those shots.

But I have to concur with everything Darkside said regarding Ray Park and Snake Eyes. I'll go see it just for that if I have to.
 
I dont see how this could be nostaligia rape ..I mean it cant be worse than the cartoon ...how can it possibly worse than the cartoon? it was made to sell toys

I mean if it isnt silly then they've done the original a disservice

they should play this for laughs sorta like the parody videos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg&feature=related


they're missing a golden opportunity ...instead they'll attempt to make it serious which will just across as laughable (the movie stills seem to indicate this)
 
Oh god it looks horrible

*begins to scoop eyes with spoon*
 
CptStern said:
I dont see how this could be nostaligia rape ..I mean it cant be worse than the cartoon ...how can it possibly worse than the cartoon? it was made to sell toys

I mean if it isnt silly then they've done the original a disservice
Click to expand...

Let me clarify.

By "silly" I mean "****ing stupid".

But these kinds of promo shots always look like ass to me.
 
I expected transformers to poke fun at it's own idioticness but was disappointed ..although it was Michael Bay (himself a long running joke) so I wasnt holding my breath


no instead of a memorable picture lampooning global conflicts mixed with 80's cheesy consumerism we'll get an over the top forgettable by the numbers action movie that will be forgotten before labour day



but it has hot chicks ...but it has guns and gnarley shit .....but it has Ray park

so what was it about?


i dont know ...blowing up shit ...and chicks
 
STOP

Go no further! Watch the intro and turn it off! For the love of God, it's trying to entice you with a totally radical song and colorful explosions! It's a trick, a terrible trick!
 
But it's worth it for the Cobra people.

Why is one of them a gaylord with a monacle and a huge moustache? Why does the British woman exclaim "he's batty!"

We will never know.
 
what do mean why? all brits are like that!





porkchop sandwiches
 
Movie looks bad...but eh.

And leave it to Stern to bring in US Politics to a movie thread :laugh:
 
CyberPitz said:
Movie looks bad...but eh.

And leave it to Stern to bring in US Politics to a movie thread :laugh:
Click to expand...

I was defending the fact that the original GiJoe was a "real american hero" but that they pussified it to make it more politically correct ..when they should have either made it like the original or made it into a parody of american action films a la Team America ..instead they'll give us this watered down for the masses international GiJoe so as to not step on anyones toes thereby ensuring mass profit and also guarenteeing, at best, mediocreness
 
With a subject like this, it's kind of impossible not to bring politics in anyway.
 
None of that happened. Cobra-La does not exist. None of that shit happened. Pay it no attention.
 
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