gh0st
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My Fruit Stand Was a Respectable Venture Prior to Becoming a Control Point
By: An Anonymous Vendor
I've lived here in town or its outskirts all my life, so I wasn't about to pack in and move when we became a Battlefield 2 map. And I admit, at first, when both parties mutually agreed to make my fruit stand a Control point, I was both pleased and excited. Although I did not understand the strategic importance of my fruit stand -- aside from the deliciousness of my fresh dates -- I hoped that being a Control Point would help bring in new business.
However, I've been extremely disappointed with the almost exclusively military clientele that now frequent my establishment. First, a bunch of guys crouch down behind my fruit stand, firing rockets at an oncoming tank. Then, the tank drives into my fruit stand, lowering the flag and replacing it with another. I am fortunate that I had set aside money last year to tank-proof my structure. Soon, the tank is blown up -- sending shrapnel into some of my best produce -- and a group of men return to lower that flag and raise theirs. This can sometimes go on for as long as an hour or more. The men are more interested in raising and lowering the flag than they are in, for example, trying some of my excellent plums or delicious bananas.
Nowadays, even my most loyal customers are shying away from my stand, thanks to its frequent occupation by bunches of tank-jacking sniper whores crouched on the rooftops shouting 'WTF Ownzpwn lolerzz!!' to one another. It's bad business, and it's bad for business.
I just want everyone to know that, prior to becoming a Control Point, my establishment was among the finest in the marketplace. I never once modified my scales, gave incorrect change, or lied about the freshness of my goods. I regularly demonstrated a level of respect not shared by the APC smacktards who run you over when you ask for a lift. Neither they nor their victims, I point out, are interested in these fine fresh seedless imported grapes. They're more interested in knifing corpses and jumping up and down while shouting "pwnj00!"
Is it too much to ask to stop the hate, and maybe buy a banana?
By: An Anonymous Vendor
I've lived here in town or its outskirts all my life, so I wasn't about to pack in and move when we became a Battlefield 2 map. And I admit, at first, when both parties mutually agreed to make my fruit stand a Control point, I was both pleased and excited. Although I did not understand the strategic importance of my fruit stand -- aside from the deliciousness of my fresh dates -- I hoped that being a Control Point would help bring in new business.
However, I've been extremely disappointed with the almost exclusively military clientele that now frequent my establishment. First, a bunch of guys crouch down behind my fruit stand, firing rockets at an oncoming tank. Then, the tank drives into my fruit stand, lowering the flag and replacing it with another. I am fortunate that I had set aside money last year to tank-proof my structure. Soon, the tank is blown up -- sending shrapnel into some of my best produce -- and a group of men return to lower that flag and raise theirs. This can sometimes go on for as long as an hour or more. The men are more interested in raising and lowering the flag than they are in, for example, trying some of my excellent plums or delicious bananas.
Nowadays, even my most loyal customers are shying away from my stand, thanks to its frequent occupation by bunches of tank-jacking sniper whores crouched on the rooftops shouting 'WTF Ownzpwn lolerzz!!' to one another. It's bad business, and it's bad for business.
I just want everyone to know that, prior to becoming a Control Point, my establishment was among the finest in the marketplace. I never once modified my scales, gave incorrect change, or lied about the freshness of my goods. I regularly demonstrated a level of respect not shared by the APC smacktards who run you over when you ask for a lift. Neither they nor their victims, I point out, are interested in these fine fresh seedless imported grapes. They're more interested in knifing corpses and jumping up and down while shouting "pwnj00!"
Is it too much to ask to stop the hate, and maybe buy a banana?
