My poem (what do you guys think?)

[iyfyoufhl]

Friday afternoon

Friday night calls out to me
What is there I want to see
Flashing light, hot ride and babes
Turning males into apes

It’s like a fever in my head
The blood is rushing super fast
I have to calm the beast inside
In order to live a happy life

But I am stuck within four walls
Until 4:30, sometimes more
I’m sick and tired of my job
But no one else will buy that shot

Friday night

When I get home
I smell myself
Decide to wash
My smelly ass

Call up my boys
To see what’s up
“Who is all there?
I’ll come prepared.”

A moment later
I am at the place
Complex handshakes
For friendship’s sake

Stay cool and smile
Get another beer
Go wild
Turning into a child

But, pace yourself and
Count drinks
Break out loose
Go on with ease

Despite the plan
I got all smashed
Fight with my sleep
Seek place to keep

Next thing I know
We are on a road
The ride is fast
“Oh, please don’t last”

This ride is fast
“My stomach hurts”
“Open that window,
Lean far, and go”

Thank God we stopped
Some one gets in
He talks to loud
I can not sleep

We drive again
And soon I find
A new bar sign
“The place is on fire!”

I stumble in
Trying not to fall
Embarrass my friends
With my dumb jokes

The music is loud
Bangs on my head
Forget the worries
And shack your ass

Through haze and noise
I hear “Last call”
Rush to the bar
For rumless coke

And just like that,
My faithful friends,
We had to leave
And that’s the end.

Saturday Morning

Open my lids
Taste bitter spit
Promise myself
To never drink

my only second poem i've writen i my life, what do you guys think?

 

[SimonomiS]

Friday afternoon

A moment later
I am at the place
Complex handshakes
For friendship’s sake

Only part I liked tbh. :|
Can't really pinpoint why, I'm not big on poetry so ignore it.

 

[A True Canadian]

Friday afternoon

A moment later
I am at the place
Complex handshakes
For friendship’s sake

Only part I liked tbh. :|
Can't really pinpoint why, I'm not big on poetry so ignore it.

I agree. There's something about that part which is simple yet complicated at the same time.

 

[iyfyoufhl]

i should dump the whole poem but that part