Nathan's Journey

[Sufferin-rebel]

Hello This is my First Post Im a big Half-life 1 and 2 fan and I completed them all anyway this Story takes place in Half-life 1 and will contiune in Half-life 2 and Nathan is a Black Mesa Engineer

Nathan: Hello Otis how has your day been

Otis: Oh ok I guess, I cant talk much now I got to help Barney out there been a System Crash you better start making your way to the Maintence to sure the electricty is back on.

Nathan: Okie dokie

Scientist1: oh dear what now?!?

Scientist2: I dont know I pressed the button then Kaboom

Security: O dear lets see what I can do, Ahh Nathan, if your looking for your Tools and Safety gear we had to move them to the Security Area because somebody been clogging up the toilets.

Nathan: Ok here I am.. Damn Manafolds *BOOM*

Nathan: WTF!!!

Audio Woman: Malfunction Detected in Anamoulous Materials Labs

*Boom*

*Nathan is unconsicous*

a while later...

Nathan: Owww my head.. Otis? Noooo..

*picks up his gun*

Nathan: Better find out what is going on..

*As Nathan Goes through some rooms he ends up inside the Dining Hall*

Nathan: Wth is that thing!

Zombie: *Zombie Noises*

*Zombie Gets 0wn3d*
Scientist: Ahh Nathan is it? I see your one of the Mechanics around here, I have this Special Transponder Transporter Device which will find useful, Now we havent got muc... *Alien Grunts Teleport in*

Scientist: Damn I was hoping to teleport out, Ok You hurry up I will keep these at bay..

*You Teleport out*

Wallace Breen: How did you get here? Who are you *Nathan looks outside the helicopter and sees a strange man with a Suitcase*

Nathan: Im an Engineer my time is valuble who are you?

*You Teleport out again*

*Your in City 17 10 years in the future*

Nathan: Damn where am I now? and who is he,

 

[eatbugs]

I don't mean to criticise but the lack of description and depth shows.

 

[Barney_Calhoun]

I think the fact that a line from it is 'WTF' says it all really

 

[Sieg]

Whats your point?

 

[Barney_Calhoun]

Oh, nothing...

 

[halflifeguy]

Can we get a professional in here?!?!
O wait............i am a professional

 

[BetaMaster]

Whats your point?

His point is that you friggen' used "wtf" as a line. You might as well do this:

Nathan: WTF!!!
Zombie: Raarrgh
Nathan: OMFG! *shoots gun*
Zombie: *gets hit, but doesn't die*
Nathan: [u][b][i]WTFBBQMISSLE!!![/i][/b][/u]
Zombie: G2G! *dies*
Nathan: LoLz0rZ! *reloads gun*

AIM-talk can never, EVER be used in fiction. Or writing. Or anything! It's sloppy, unprofessional, and just plain stupid.
Also, don't write it like a script, and if you do, you have to add more, I don't know, adjectives. It's a better idea to write an actual story.

 

[Sufferin-rebel]

Ok I see that my first Fanfic has been Criticised as being Nooby and to be honest i agree, I am sorry for making Halflife2.net look bad