Need Some Serious Input...

[Mujuro]

For starters, before you read this, be advised I want a serious discussion only, and I don't want bad comments. Off of that, and onto what happened. For the past three-four weeks, one of my best friends has having quite a few problems, feeling bad, moodswings, and so on. I've asked her what was wrong many times before, and she assured me she was alright, however I knew something was indeed not right. This continued for these weeks, until today, when she called me up to meet up. I just thought this was the ritual going to the movies and whatnot, however it was a more serious matter. She broke the news to me, she had become pregnant. You guys may not find this matter serious, but at her age (15) it is very serious. Oddly enough, you would not find her at all to be the one getting pregnant, but unfortunately it had happened. We talked for quite some time about the matter, however she never told me who it was that got her pregnant. However, I just found out, and what a surprise, the jerk face that I told her not to go out with in the beginning was the father. Why is he a jerk face? First off, Sarah [best friend] is one of the nicest and most beautiful girls you will meet, yet she is so nice, it causes her trouble. She even payed for his cellphone and his plan, but she never even hears from him. Shes done numerous things for this guy, but what does he give in return? Absolutely nothing, unless you count the treatment he gives her. Now, I personally have had trouble deciding what I should do for her good sakes. I really have been pondering wether I should kick this guy's ass, or simply leave it be, which, without a doubt, I'm not going to leave it be. What would you guys recommend doing? What should I do to get some sense into her? Do you think she should get an abortion? As well, what should I do with this guy? I would have no problem getting a fine and possibly going to ADC (suspension school). Some serious input please... ;(

 

[Neutrino]

Do her parents know? If they don't I think they need to be told ASAP.

 

[Mujuro]

I was the first she told about this whole matter, not sure if she has told them yet, I'll call her right now...

 

[sublidieminal]

Tell the parents man, she'll be more in trouble if they find out the hard way. Well in that case you should actually convince her to tell her parents, it's the only way. God how hard is it to wear a condom.

 

[Reaktor4]

Its her own fault, and theres not really anything you can do now anyway, its too late isnt it?

 

[Death.Trap]

I would recommend against abortion. Is she willing/able to raise a kid? If not she should just give it up for adoption. As for what you should do, talk to her about this dick, try to make her see sense...I know it's a pain..I know a lot of chicks who are in this position.

 

[Mujuro]

Reaktor4: Yes, I understand that, however being as naive at it is, she just doesn't see the 'harm' in these sorts of things; well, at least she does now.

Death.Trap: Will do, but how should I approach this? She always disagrees with me, even when I talked to her today.

 

[Reaktor4]

Youre saying she didnt know that ****ing a guy without a condom would get her pregnant? I dont mean to be unsympathetic but its not as if the guy raped her.

 

[Mujuro]

I'm not saying that, but she is so naive and doesn't understand how easy to get pregnant is, so she took the chance.

 

[Reaktor4]

Well lets hope he decides to support her through this. If not, go ahead and kick his ass.

 

[Mujuro]

Support her through this? How could he do that if he can't even call her on a cellphone that she bought for him...?

 

[Neutrino]

I would recommend against abortion. Is she willing/able to raise a kid? If not she should just give it up for adoption. As for what you should do, talk to her about this dick, try to make her see sense...I know it's a pain..I know a lot of chicks who are in this position.

I don't see why you are recommending anything for or against abortion for someone you don't know at all. That is a private decision. To try to persuade her one way or the other would be just plain wrong in my opinion. She's going through enough already without having to deal with that.

I think the idea of abortion is completely up to her and her parents. I really don't think anyone else has or should have any say whatsoever in it.


Also, I really wouldn't ask for serious advice on an internet forum like this one. I know you have good intentions, but it's really not going to help you. The best thing to do is to make sure her parents know about it and then if you need advice on what to do talk to your own parents, her parents, and her about it. Nobody else is there or knows the situation.

 

[Ames]

Support her through this? How could he do that if he can't even call her on a cellphone that she bought for him...?

Man, that guy is a total asshole.

 

[Reaktor4]

Support her through this? How could he do that if he can't even call her on a cellphone that she bought for him...?

Things are different now that shes pregnant though. If you mean he knows shes pregnant and is still doing that, and has said he wont give her and the kid support then... do what you have to do. And then tell her to take him to court.

 

[Death.Trap]

I don't see why you are recommending anything for or against abortion for someone you don't know at all. That is a private decision. To try to persuade her one way or the other would be just plain wrong in my opinion. She's going through enough already without having to deal with that.

I think the idea of abortion is completely up to her and her parents. I really don't think anyone else has or should have any say whatsoever in it.

He asked for my opinion, so I gave it. And ya, it is completely up to her and her parents, but I recommend against it.

 

[Mujuro]

I don't think he even knows yet, so I'll have to wait and see. As well, seems her parents don't know yet, and she doesn't want them to know...should I personally tell them?

 

[Neutrino]

I don't think he even knows yet, so I'll have to wait and see. As well, seems her parents don't know yet, and she doesn't want them to know...should I personally tell them?

That's a tough position to be in.

If I were you I would tell your own parents first and let them tell her parents. They need to know though. They will find out one way or another and finding out now is much better than finding out later.

 

[Death.Trap]

Reaktor4: Yes, I understand that, however being as naive at it is, she just doesn't see the 'harm' in these sorts of things; well, at least she does now.

Death.Trap: Will do, but how should I approach this? She always disagrees with me, even when I talked to her today.

Do you mean she disagrees about him treating her badly? Try thinking of all the things he does that you would consider treating her badly. Have a serious talk with her, go down the list of this stuff in your head, tell her how he does whatever, then point out how you would treat her/your gf if you REALLY cared about her. Try pointing out the way he should treat her. You get what I'm talking about?

 

[poksmote]

shes too young to have a kid. dont know where you live, but sites/locations like planed parenthood are the places you want to look at. abortions are expensive (~$450)! but far less expensive then actually having a child she couldnt possibly take care of. the option is there for a reason.

 

[Reaktor4]

Whats the point of abortion when she could go for adoption and help out a family that cant have kids instead of killing her child?

 

[Neutrino]

Whats the point of abortion when she could go for adoption and help out a family that cant have kids instead of killing her child?

Please let's not use this thread to give our opinions on or debate the ethics of abortion.

I don't think he needs that right now.

 

[poksmote]

would you want your 15 year old daughter to go through childbirth?

carrying a baby for 9 months only to give it away seems more ****ed up than aborting a bunch of cells early on. especially at 15...

 

[Ames]

I also suggest for her to see the school counselor.

 

[Neutrino]

I also suggest for her to see the school counselor.

Very good idea.

 

[poksmote]

if hes religious, he'll be biased. bad idea.

CALL PLANED PARENTHOOD! even if abortion is a NO, theyre the ones to talk to about this.

 

[Reaktor4]

Please let's not use this thread to give our opinions on or debate the ethics of abortion.

I don't think he needs that right now.

I was just asking.. Im not against abortion in all cases. Sometimes its the right thing to do, and of course stem cell research benefits greatly from it.
But anyway choosing to abort the child at her age is something she might regret later on in life. And if shes not mentally mature enough to have safe sex she certainly isnt mature enough to make a decision like that imo.

 

[gh0st]

ouch.. im very sympathetic to you, and to her, thats the worst thing ive heard today by far. i would suggest, the following

1. talk with school counselor/nurse, they will point you in the right direction. moreover, they can set up a meeting between her and her parents with the counselor, so they can all figure it out together
2. child birth at her age (15) is pretty dangerous to her, and the child. even though im strongly against abortion in only the most desperate cases, but this probably is a desperate situation.
3. if the guy doesnt help her through this, beat the shit out of the guy. if your local ill get drunk and come kick his ass too, the guy shouldent treat her like this.

good luck, i hope she gets through this alright. its my worst nightmare.

 

[TheOriginalEvil]

Tell the Parents, help her get an abortion, then show that guy what it means to get a girl preg. that he treats like shit.

 

[TinyKilbasa]

Wow, what a touchy situation. I agree with Neutrino that this probably isnt the best place to ask advice for. Its such a personal subject between your friend, the kid she was with, and the families... Professional help will probably be needed, help that most of us can't give... We can state our opinions on the subject, but that can only go so far...

Not to put a road block on your search for information, but as someone else said, you may want to ask a school councelor what to do. They have most likely gone through similar situations with other students....

With that said, I hope everything goes alright with your friend! I can only imagine what she's going through right now. Whatever decision she makes, stand back by her 100%. In the end, its her decision.

 

[Mujuro]

Thanks for the input guys. I already spoke to my parents, and they had said they will talk to hers privately. As for the school counselor, I'll talk to her about that. Abortion wouldn't be an option for her, she hates even the remote idea of killing someone or something, 'tis why she despises video games, even if it is virtual. I understand this isn't the best place to actually bring this, but this is probably one of the only forums that could actually remotely have some sort of sympathy for this sort of situation. I thank you all for the input, and I'll keep you updated...

 

[gh0st]

Thanks for the input guys. I already spoke to my parents, and they had said they will talk to hers privately. As for the school counselor, I'll talk to her about that. Abortion wouldn't be an option for her, she hates even the remote idea of killing someone or something, 'tis why she despises video games, even if it is virtual. I understand this isn't the best place to actually bring this, but this is probably one of the only forums that could actually remotely have some sort of sympathy for this sort of situation. I thank you all for the input, and I'll keep you updated...

please do keep us updated, i really hope everything works out for her. people make mistakes, and they sure as hell dont deserve to follow them around for the rest of their lives.

 

[Reaktor4]

good luck to her.

 

[evil^milk]

I would recommend against abortion. Is she willing/able to raise a kid? If not she should just give it up for adoption. As for what you should do, talk to her about this dick, try to make her see sense...I know it's a pain..I know a lot of chicks who are in this position.

I would do this too...