No Return

Maxey

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Prologue:

"They're almost getting me!" I thought to myself while running as fast as my legs could let. My gasping breath is one of the only things I can hear. My heart is bumping blood so fast, it's almost exploding. My feet hammer the hard asphalt at each step. I hear the wind running thru my ears as I pass by the buildings. I look to the night sky and notice is almost dawn. I look behind. They're still chasing me. I start to run even faster. My veins are almost exploding because of the blood pressure. I can't take it anymore, but if I stop they'll kill me. I turn a corner and see a ladder on an old building. I climb it up and break through a window. I get up and hide in a dark room. I hear them running in the street above. Looking for me. I take a deep breath and lean against the wall. My heart is beating to the limit. My veins are pulsing like little hearts themselves. "We lost him!" said one of them "Damn... But he cannot hide forever. Send the scanners!" "Roger!" I don't have too much time now...

Next section: Chapter 1 - A Perfect Day
 
Sounds interesting. You should work on your structure a bit though. Basically, just organise your story into paragraphs, and maybe slow the story down a bit, it seems somewhat jumpy.

Still good :thumbs:
 
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