Omfg Theres A Dwarf On My Roof

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joule

joule

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Funniest ****ing convo just happened. Have to share.

A bit of talk of his name. And then it just went downhill lolz.

ahungrymidget: updating
ahungrymidget: 24 minutes
ahungrymidget: :(
joule: lol@yourconnection
ahungrymidget: 1hour
ahungrymidget: 10minutes
ahungrymidget: that shits stupid
joule: haha, what are you on dialup?
ahungrymidget: that things wrong
joule: yeah, it always is
ahungrymidget: now 20 minutes
joule: dont listen to it
ahungrymidget: hey
ahungrymidget: have you ever seen a dwarf
ahungrymidget: a real one man
joule: in real life or tv?
ahungrymidget: real life#
joule: no
ahungrymidget: like if you look outside in your trees
ahungrymidget: you've never seen 1?
joule: wtf
ahungrymidget: ****
ahungrymidget: im scared man
ahungrymidget: i swear i saw a little dwarf on my roof
ahungrymidget: i can hear noises too i dont know man im getting scared i migh shutt off my computer
joule: dude, ooooooooook... you're scaring me
ahungrymidget: i swear
ahungrymidget: dont look out your window
joule: dude ok. stfu.
ahungrymidget: i've been hearing like loud thumps on my roof for like the past few days now
ahungrymidget: if i tell my mom she'll think im on drugs
ahungrymidget: man
ahungrymidget: ****
joule: i think you are
ahungrymidget: and i'f i go to my bro's room
ahungrymidget: like at 3 am
ahungrymidget: the thumps
ahungrymidget: dude my bro can hear em too
ahungrymidget: man dude go to sleep if you hear anything
ahungrymidget: thats the best way to deal with it
joule: its morning here
ahungrymidget: **** i wish the sun was up here
joule: nothing's outside
ahungrymidget: im sweating and my ac is on
joule: i think you just need some sleep, that's all
ahungrymidget: i cant
joule: pop a few drowsies
ahungrymidget: i ate em all
joule: ...
ahungrymidget: doctor wont give me any more
ahungrymidget: he says i'll depend on them
ahungrymidget: :(
ahungrymidget: im not joking though
ahungrymidget: dont you ever hear anything at night?
ahungrymidget: when you're alone?
ahungrymidget: anything
joule: well if there's anything on your roof i doubt it's a friggin dwarf
ahungrymidget: what d you think it is man i've seen it
ahungrymidget: i swear on my life
joule: rofl
ahungrymidget: i swear to god
ahungrymidget: im a christian man
joule: hmmm... lemme think... could be a wild animal, trees, or its all in your head...
ahungrymidget: wild animal
ahungrymidget: like what man
ahungrymidget: a ****in bear on my roof
joule: well go check it out in the morning
joule: o rnow
ahungrymidget: **** no
ahungrymidget: ok in the morning
joule: you pansy, grow some balls lol
ahungrymidget: ****
ahungrymidget: i've seen this thing
joule: LMAO
joule: sorry
ahungrymidget: i ****in swear on everything
joule: sure
joule: you're outta your mind
ahungrymidget: you want me to ****ing take a picture?
joule: Yes, and post it on the internets!
ahungrymidget: i will
ahungrymidget: i will
ahungrymidget: i'll send it to you first though
joule: LOLLOOLLMAOAO
ahungrymidget: why are you laughing at me
ahungrymidget: you're ****ed up
ahungrymidget: i thought we were buds
joule: cause it ****ing funny...
joule: *its
joule: whether its there or not, its still funny. and your reactions haha
ahungrymidget: god damn it
ahungrymidget: i swear
ahungrymidget: you
ahungrymidget: messed up
joule: ok
ahungrymidget: aw shit man
ahungrymidget: i just heard it
ahungrymidget: ****
ahungrymidget: ****in 4 footsteps
ahungrymidget: man ****
ahungrymidget: i swear to god
ahungrymidget: i dont know what to do
joule: get out your camera FAST HURRY NOW
joule: maybe its bigfoot's little brother or something lol
ahungrymidget: ****
ahungrymidget: i had to turn off my monitor
ahungrymidget: it almost saw me through the window
joule: omg dude. im posting this convo
ahungrymidget: you're ****ed up
ahungrymidget: im gonna block you
ahungrymidget: this is serious man
joule: dude. are you serious
ahungrymidget: yeah
ahungrymidget: theres ****in something on my roof i swear to god
ahungrymidget: im not even joking
joule: well, dont block me. just take a snapshot when you see this critter
ahungrymidget: if its not a dwarf then it cant be a cat or bird
ahungrymidget: these thumps are loud as hell man
ahungrymidget: like if it was a person like walking up there
joule: maybe someone's trying to break in
ahungrymidget: my bro has even heard
joule: do you have any firearms around?
joule: pellet gun? bb gun?
ahungrymidget: no
ahungrymidget: im gonna call the cops if i hear it again tonight
joule: damn. you're ****ed. i think the dwarf is after you.
ahungrymidget: i thought i was seeing things like a few days ago
ahungrymidget: so i tried staying up to see if it comes back
ahungrymidget: and it comes back every couple of days at 3 am
joule: well why havent you gone outside and looked up there during daylight hours?
ahungrymidget: im going to
joule: is your install complete?
ahungrymidget: 8minutes remaining
joule: ok. well when its done, can you play some poker with a dwarf on your roof?
ahungrymidget: it stopped
ahungrymidget: man
joule: haha
ahungrymidget: if i hear it again im calling the police
joule: and what are you going to tell them?
ahungrymidget: some one with a gun is on my roof
joule: rofl
joule: no dwarf?
ahungrymidget: they wont believe it
joule: exactly, haha
ahungrymidget: **** you
joule: chill man
ahungrymidget: asshole
joule: oh come on
ahungrymidget: block
joule: :O
<This user is now offline>
 
clearly, this is directly related to steam updates.
here's how it works, I have inside info.

Do you know why steam was "slow to update" when hl2 was released?? Let me tell you, its because; STEAM DOES NOT ACTUALLY USE THE INTERNET!

Yes, thats right.

You know about santa claus, right? kris kringle? st. nick? well.. its kinda like that, except it goes like this:

Gabe newell has a flying version of the tram from hl1. Whenever someone wants to update steam, a little buzzer goes off in his office.
Its like the red phone in 60's batman when commissioner gordon rings batman.

Gabe knows that someone needs to update, so he grabs his update floppy disks and update gun, and jumps in his flying tram, speeding to the location.

There is a small decoy headcrab that is deployed to trees outside the house as a distraction device (although, regionalised versions may include: snarks, cumtoads, gnomes, dwarves, robots or mini-gmen).

Anyway, the thuds are Gabe walking around on your roof, with an x-ray beam, looking through the roof, trying to see your computer.

once he finds it, he loads an update floppy disk into his update gun.
The update gun turns the disk into a special kind of energy, and shoots it directly onto your hard disk platter. (similar to what the gauss gun does.. in fact, this was the inspiration for it.)

There is a heavy recoil on this gun... too heavy for gabe in fact, and he does a small "rocket jump" each time he fires a disk. there are more thumps and thuds resulting for this.

AAAnyway, once the Gaben finishes updating your steam, he gets on the train, and zaps off (through a gman type portal- more HL inspiring material btw) to the next person requesting an update.

You may be able to hear the PA system from the train if you listen REAL carefully. Gabe is wearing a reflective suit, so its hard to see him, but he wears a special helmet, and the gun has a blinking light.

If you want him to use High-Density floppy disks, speeding your update, then leave a small plate of donuts and a glass of milk for gabe.

True story.
 
Wow... i need to leave some cookies and milk for gabe... you guys wanna see my invisible broomstick?
 
Funny stuff, lol!

This made me laugh:
joule: hmmm... lemme think... could be a wild animal, trees, or its all in your head...
ahungrymidget: wild animal
ahungrymidget: like what man
ahungrymidget: a ****in bear on my roof
Click to expand...

:D LOL!
 
bliink said:
clearly, this is directly related to steam updates.
here's how it works, I have inside info.

Do you know why steam was "slow to update" when hl2 was released?? Let me tell you, its because; STEAM DOES NOT ACTUALLY USE THE INTERNET!

Yes, thats right.

You know about santa claus, right? kris kringle? st. nick? well.. its kinda like that, except it goes like this:

Gabe newell has a flying version of the tram from hl1. Whenever someone wants to update steam, a little buzzer goes off in his office.
Its like the red phone in 60's batman when commissioner gordon rings batman.

Gabe knows that someone needs to update, so he grabs his update floppy disks and update gun, and jumps in his flying tram, speeding to the location.

There is a small decoy headcrab that is deployed to trees outside the house as a distraction device (although, regionalised versions may include: snarks, cumtoads, gnomes, dwarves, robots or mini-gmen).

Anyway, the thuds are Gabe walking around on your roof, with an x-ray beam, looking through the roof, trying to see your computer.

once he finds it, he loads an update floppy disk into his update gun.
The update gun turns the disk into a special kind of energy, and shoots it directly onto your hard disk platter. (similar to what the gauss gun does.. in fact, this was the inspiration for it.)

There is a heavy recoil on this gun... too heavy for gabe in fact, and he does a small "rocket jump" each time he fires a disk. there are more thumps and thuds resulting for this.

AAAnyway, once the Gaben finishes updating your steam, he gets on the train, and zaps off (through a gman type portal- more HL inspiring material btw) to the next person requesting an update.

You may be able to hear the PA system from the train if you listen REAL carefully. Gabe is wearing a reflective suit, so its hard to see him, but he wears a special helmet, and the gun has a blinking light.

If you want him to use High-Density floppy disks, speeding your update, then leave a small plate of donuts and a glass of milk for gabe.

True story.
Click to expand...

You get ten thousand points for this. Also, it's "chumtoad", not "cumtoad". I don't know if that was intentional, or a freudian slip.
 
bliink said:
clearly, this is directly related to steam updates.
here's how it works, I have inside info.

Do you know why steam was "slow to update" when hl2 was released?? Let me tell you, its because; STEAM DOES NOT ACTUALLY USE THE INTERNET!

Yes, thats right.

You know about santa claus, right? kris kringle? st. nick? well.. its kinda like that, except it goes like this:

Gabe newell has a flying version of the tram from hl1. Whenever someone wants to update steam, a little buzzer goes off in his office.
Its like the red phone in 60's batman when commissioner gordon rings batman.

Gabe knows that someone needs to update, so he grabs his update floppy disks and update gun, and jumps in his flying tram, speeding to the location.

There is a small decoy headcrab that is deployed to trees outside the house as a distraction device (although, regionalised versions may include: snarks, cumtoads, gnomes, dwarves, robots or mini-gmen).

Anyway, the thuds are Gabe walking around on your roof, with an x-ray beam, looking through the roof, trying to see your computer.

once he finds it, he loads an update floppy disk into his update gun.
The update gun turns the disk into a special kind of energy, and shoots it directly onto your hard disk platter. (similar to what the gauss gun does.. in fact, this was the inspiration for it.)

There is a heavy recoil on this gun... too heavy for gabe in fact, and he does a small "rocket jump" each time he fires a disk. there are more thumps and thuds resulting for this.

AAAnyway, once the Gaben finishes updating your steam, he gets on the train, and zaps off (through a gman type portal- more HL inspiring material btw) to the next person requesting an update.

You may be able to hear the PA system from the train if you listen REAL carefully. Gabe is wearing a reflective suit, so its hard to see him, but he wears a special helmet, and the gun has a blinking light.

If you want him to use High-Density floppy disks, speeding your update, then leave a small plate of donuts and a glass of milk for gabe.

True story.
Click to expand...

Are you the second-coming, by any chance?
 
she's Bliink, it's better than the second coming, and with more zesty flavor
 
bliink...how on earth did you ever think of that? You are the second, third, and fourth coming at the same time.
 
ROFL! I wish I could have been part of that.
 
It's like the Twilight Zone, when the guy is on the plane and he sees the monster ripping apart the wing but nobody believes him.
 
I want to talk to this guy... PLZ!? what is this AIM OR MSN?
 
Wow. Joule has just done the impossible- posted an AIM conversation that DOESN'T suck! :O

Anyway, that was hilarious :laugh:
 
a dwarf works a macdonalds, im not kidding too, a female dwarf to be exact... if theres a dwarf on your roof, its probaby out to steal some stuff
 
I'm gonna do my part. From a chat with our own Stigmata (aka Soupstorm)

JNightshade: also
JNightshade: COCKS
JNightshade: >:0
Soupstorm: D:
JNightshade: MOTHER****ING COCKS
Soupstorm: i mean, |:
JNightshade: CUMMING ALL OVER YOUR FACE
JNightshade: FREAAAAARGH
Soupstorm: good thing i closed my mouth
JNightshade: NEEEEEZOOOOWWWWWWWWWW
JNightshade: THEY'RE FORCING IT OPEN
JNightshade: HOLY SHIT
Soupstorm: NOES
JNightshade: COCKS
Soupstorm: WTFX
Soupstorm: |:<
Soupstorm: D:<
JNightshade: ENORMOUS THROBBING PENISES
Soupstorm: NOOOOOOO
Soupstorm: they don't go IN there! D:
JNightshade: YES THEY DO!
Soupstorm: *chokes*
JNightshade: IN YOUR EARS!
JNightshade: EYES
JNightshade: NOSE
Soupstorm: OH GOD
JNightshade: MOUTH
JNightshade: PORES
Soupstorm: EVERY HUMAN SENSE IS FILLED WITH PENISES
JNightshade: EXACTLY
Soupstorm: IT'S HORRIBLE
JNightshade: but
JNightshade: not in your anus.
JNightshade: they're not gay.
Soupstorm: oh
Soupstorm: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JNightshade: XD
Soupstorm: oh man
Soupstorm: i'm stilllaughing
JNightshade: that was so random
JNightshade: I just got the urge to write aggressive erotic second- person fiction
Soupstorm: odd
JNightshade: with a twist at the end!
Soupstorm: lol
Soupstorm: "They're not gay. But they're cumming in your ear canals anyway!"
JNightshade: hahaha
JNightshade: exactly.
Click to expand...
 
I don't want to burst everyone's buble but tell that guy he has bats nesting in his room, we get them every few years.
 
ríomhaire said:
I don't want to burst everyone's buble but tell that guy he has bats nesting in his room, we get them every few years.
Click to expand...

:O

We get birds nesting in our roof year long tbh.

What you do is board up entrance holes once they get in there, and starve the bastards.
 
I was like "NO! I remember this from somewhere!" Then I looked at the date...
 
You're gonna feel like shit Joule when that guy turns up dead from an axe wound in his back.
 
joule said:
ahungrymidget: if i hear it again im calling the police
joule: and what are you going to tell them?
ahungrymidget: some one with a gun is on my roof
joule: rofl
joule: no dwarf?
ahungrymidget: they wont believe it
Click to expand...

****ing LOL.
 
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