(PiP)Playground of Mercy

[Cavalry]

It's not to detailed right now,as I just want some opinions(especially on whether or not I should continue)
Any names are of important people

Playground of Mercy


A drop of water slashed on the glass window,then another,followed by an everlasting series of tiny drops of water.

"Are you with us, Dr. Nelson?" A man in a long white labcoat asked.

"Yes,I apologize,I just noticed that it had begun raining,perhaps we should cancel the tests?" Dr.Nelson,a man of his forties replied.

"No,we have come to far to postpone until the weather clears up,besides,a few drops of rain can't do any harm."

Dr.Nelson followed the man to a lab table full of test tubes and cylinders containing a redish blue mixture. A six others,also in lab coats,stood around the table,watching for any changes in the liquids color.

"Goggles on everybody,we will begin."

Everybody in the room prepared for what took 5 years to create.

"Dr.Nelson,would you like to do the honors?"

Nelson walked over to a transmitter with a long empty beaker that was held in place by two metal rods. He poured one of the test tubes into the empty beaker,and pressed a small blue button.Within moments,a charge of elecricity moved through the rods and into the liquid mixture. Both rods spun around the glass at a slow rate

The liquid began to boil and evaporate as the electricity heated around the sides of the glass as the rods spun faster. Five of the people stood,watching the liquid,mezmorized by its unique properties. Dr. Nelson,however,sat by the window,staring at the small drops of rain that trickled down the window,leaving behind a stream in which the other drops quickly followed.

The liquid was beginning to change color. It went from a redish blue to a lime green shade.

"Nelson!,Get ready for stage two."

Nelson abbruptly stood and walked back to the transmitter. He picked up a long rod,and pointed it at one of the lights in the room. He flipped a light switch on,and the electricity jumped from the extended rod into a filament in the light.

"Everybody,to the roof." Dr. Nelson ordered.

Every person shuffled out of the room,and Nelson heard them walking on the roof.
He turned off on the television which hung in the back corner of the room and hurried out the door and up to the roof. As he climbed the staircase,he noticed a large,dark cloud havering above the building.

"Adjust the antenna now,Dr. Kisam!" Nelson screamed accross the rooftop to the group that now stood staring at the sky.

A man of his twenties grabbed hold of an antenna and adjuted it so it pointed upwards. A bolt of electricity ran through the rods in the transmitter down stairs and up into the antenna,causing a massive explosion of electricty. Every person looked at the sky,as the storm cloud darkened.

"Oh shit." Nelson exclaimed in horror

 

[Cavalry]

where's the criticism? I really want opinions on how I can improve.

Chapter 2-A Impossible Escape

Wind whipped across Dr. Nelson's face as he stood on the roof of his small laboratory.

"Kisam, point that antenna away from the sky! Everybody else, downstairs, now!" He screamed through the increasing winds and heavy downpour. The scientists on the roof made their way to the staircase as Nelson watched Kisam carefully re-adjust the antenna. "Kisam,when your done meet us downstairs!" He shouted to Dr. Kisam as Nelson turned away and shuffled down the stairs.

As he reached the bottom step, he heard the other scientists mumbling amongst themselves. They all turned towards Dr. Nelson with a slew of questions.

"Dr. whats going on?"

"What exactly happened?"

"Why can't we watch the outcome?"

"Listen, something happened that wasn't supposed to, the storm has seemed to have intensified." Dr. Nelson tried to pull the best response from inside him to answer all of the questions which bombarded him. He heard another blast of energy and quickly moved upstairs to find Dr. Kisam lying next to the antenna.

"Dr. Kisam!" he yelled in horror as he ran over to find out if there was any sign of life in him.
He began to pull Kisam towards the staircase, but an electrical storm had formed over the staircase.

"Just go." Kisam whispered to Nelson. "You know damn well that there's nothing you can do for me."

"Damn it Kisam, I'm getting you out of here."He spoke softly to Kisam,even though he knew Kisam wouldn't make it. He stared at Kisam's bloody face, knowing that if he even came in contact with anything electric, they would both die instantly. He remembered the fire escape that was built next to the gas tank and began to run over to it.

The fire escape was rusted and not to sturdy to hold two people ,but Nelson knew that it was his only was off the roof top. A bolt of electricity struck a small tower, which collapsed in front of the staircase, and a lot of debre went downstairs, as electricity took control of the collapsed tower, zapping anything that was metallic and anything holding onto it.

Nelson pulled Kisam onto the fire escape and headed towards the lowest level window pane.
He placed Kisam on a landing and forced a window open. He grabbed Kisam and forced him through the window. Another electrical eruption rocked the gas tank, igniting it in an explosion of bright orange light, which illuminated the black sky. Dr. Nelson Made a move through the window as the remnants of the gas tank smashed the fire escape to pieces.