Political Jokes

[No Limit]

I was sick yesterday so this is my Monday and I need something to cheer me up. Post any political jokes you might have, here is one:

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why it took solong to get Federal help to New Orleans after the hurricane, why we went to war in Iraq, the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning!"

 

[The Monkey]

Axis of Evil

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be "more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-NorthKorea axis" President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, "for starters, a really dumb name". "Right. As if they are just as evil ... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils? Evilest? ...That we're the best!" Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, Although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia And Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Norguay denied the charges. Norguays king Harald can't understand the rejection "I filled out the application myself".

 

[staticprimer]

A politician walks into a bar. Ouch. A committee later determined that the bar had connections to 9/11 and bartopia was promptly invaded. When no WMD's were found, the liberals were blamed and pipecleaneria was nuked.

 

[Feath]

George Galloway.

 

[Solaris]

George galloway is not a joke.

I actually fully support him, hes a great man.......All hail the gallow man.

 

[Sulkdodds]

The_Monkey...that was the best thing ever.

 

[CrazyHarij]

Agreed, that was hilarious

 

[Kangy]

George galloway is not a joke.

I actually fully support him, hes a great man.......All hail the gallow man.

Hahaha, keep the jokes coming!

 

[CptStern]

"Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Norguay denied the charges. "

 

[thorvale the red]

I'm sure this has been posted before but it will never get old:

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-bushhatesblackpeople.html

That is a political joke in itself.

 

[baxter]

This is real funny

Click play.

PLEASE NOTE THERE ARE FLASHING IMAGES OF A GRAPHIC NATURE

 

[dream431ca]

This is real funny

Press play.

PLEASE NOTE THERE IS A FLASHING IMAGE OF A GRAPHIC NATURE

Could not be more true than that.

 

[CptStern]

this is funny but not ha-ha funny

click play

thx for the link baxter

 

[Raeven0]

Selected Terrorist Bumper Stickers

This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings

Keep honking, I'm rewiring

I blew up 500 friendly Iraqis and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker.

My 12-year-old can blow up your honor student

What part of ULLULULULULULULU did you not understand?

I'm Muslim but you're ugly and I can blow myself up

Honk if you Beat your Wife

Towel Heads

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words.

I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists who hate our guts and want to kill us do not like to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they wear on their heads is not a towel but actually a small folded sheet.

Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads."

Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.

Obligatory French Joke

Jacques Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert from "Run" to "Hide." There are only two higher alert levels in France ("Surrender" and "Collaborate"). The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory - effectively crippling their military.

 

[Feath]

http://ugandandiscussions.co.uk/1134/

 

[Solaris]

----Jacques Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert from "Run" to "Hide." There are only two higher alert levels in France ("Surrender" and "Collaborate"). The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory - effectively crippling their military.

Roflmao

 

[CptStern]

Selected Terrorist Bumper Stickers

This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings

Keep honking, I'm rewiring

I blew up 500 friendly Iraqis and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker.

My 12-year-old can blow up your honor student

What part of ULLULULULULULULU did you not understand?

I'm Muslim but you're ugly and I can blow myself up

Honk if you Beat your Wife

Towel Heads

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words.

I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists who hate our guts and want to kill us do not like to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they wear on their heads is not a towel but actually a small folded sheet.

Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads."

Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.

Obligatory French Joke

Jacques Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert from "Run" to "Hide." There are only two higher alert levels in France ("Surrender" and "Collaborate"). The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory - effectively crippling their military.

you need to stfu :|

 

[bliink]

lets all keep it tasteful and not-lame... it would be embarassing to be banned for a post in a joke thread because you cant control your political urges, yes?

 

[Solaris]

Yes, but french bashing is always fun.

I do love france however, french people are cool!

 

[Viperidae]

'The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.' -- Henry Cate VII