Primal Instinct

[Antlion Hunter]

This is my first story sorry if it sucks./////////The story revolves around a 17 year old male citizen(heh how ironic.....17)named Kade who wakes up from a wrecked combine transport in the Wastelands.Through the story he learns about what happened and how he got there while surviving the wilds of the Wastelands.I will post 1 chapter at least once a week.Enjoy.

 

[Antlion Hunter]

//////////......I think hes alive lets load him up................GET HIM OUTTA HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......Thats all I could remember hearing.When would I ever find home again?I can remember now that I think.I understand who I am and where I came from.My name is Kade.Kade KG2864128862 if you want to be specific.I am from City 20.I can remember it from the beginning now.I was one of many workers in the mines located in the Wastelands,where i wason a transport to another work area.I was in a huge black cart..................

 

[Antlion Hunter]

CHAPTER 1-Get It Up .........."Hot enough for you?"I could hear a voice.I hesitantly replied."Uhhh yeah?" I looked up.There I saw a lean,sweat covered man.He had short blood-stained hair."Well,it's good to see someone who will talk.So it's pretty hot huh?" "Yeah."I sat up and said."Oh right I'm sorry.I'm Milo B-2868."He held out his hand."Nice to meet you.I'm Kade.Well,I guess you can already see my ID,I shook his hand and said,But sometimes I wish I was nobody." "Hmmmmm.Maybe these are the best times,but you should be thankful they haven't converted you yet." Seeing his point I tried to reply but a sudden explosion rocked the cart."What the hell was that?!" Milo said. He opened the cart doors and to our horror right beside it was a gigantic Gargantua."GET DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".............

 

[BetaMaster]

Umm...I'll read it once you format it, and make the chapters longer, at least. For instance, my latest chapter is so far on the ninth page when typed in Word. This would be about a paragraph...

(I'm just trying to give constructive criticism. For instance, when a new character speaks, you should start a new paragraph. You should keep the chapter title on a seperate line, and try to make the chapters AT LEAST long enough to be more than one paragraph.)

That's just some tips, you can get angry and ignore them, you can say nothing, or you can use them. Feel free to do what you want.

 

[Antlion Hunter]

Thanks.

 

[Antlion Hunter]

....."You've got to be kidding!"i yelled.The beast then proceeded to attack our transport"Kade,get back here!That thing will burn you like a damn bonfire!"I heeded
his words and hid behind a mass of mining tools."What are we going to do?"I asked in a panicky voice."We could fight it,but we dont have any weapons!"Milo replied.We had wasted our response time.The creature turned toward our opening and stomped the ground.

A huge rift in the ground promptly rose up and a bright,red light spewed from it's depths.The transport flipped and crashed wildly into a rock bed........Blackness.I came to my senses finally and looked around.This is where my story truly begins.My story of survival...........

Oh and by the way BetaMaster,nice job with your Gordon's Dead story.TOP NOTCH!!!!!

 

[tinyxipe]

BetaMaster has a good point. If you want people to read your story, you need to make a little more effort on the formatting. A story can become very confusing without it. This might make it a little more readable:

"You've got to be kidding!" I yelled. The beast then proceeded to attack our transport.

"Kade,get back here! That thing will burn you like a damn bonfire!"

I heeded his words and hid behind a mass of mining tools. "What are we going to do?" I asked in a panicky voice.

"We could fight it,but we dont have any weapons!" Milo replied. We had wasted our response time. The creature turned toward our opening and stomped the ground.

A huge rift in the ground promptly opened up and a bright red light spewed from it's depths. The transport flipped and crashed wildly into a rock bed...

I came to my senses finally and looked around. This is where my story truly begins. My story of survival...........

A few simple rules to follow:

- As BetaMaster said, start a new paragraph for each new speaker.
- Two spaces between sentences.
- Personally, I like a space between paragraphs in the forum format, as it makes reading a little easier on the eyes.
- Spend time reading other works of fiction and pay close attention to how the authors use punctuation and phrasing.
- Write a little more of your story before you post. Short chunks are unsatisfying.

Keep trying. I hope this doesn't sound too negative. It is only meant as encouragement. Good luck!

 

[Antlion Hunter]

.It's just that sometimes I do that because I only have short amounts of time a week to type.But I will try to make my stories more readable.And thanks for the tips.

 

[Antlion Hunter]

Finally....!!!!!!!
CHAPTER 2-RANDOM THOUGHTS

./I rose up and spun around wildly.The area was empty except for a few mutilated corpse's.
I checked for any signs of the Garg.Only a few prints thank God.
"Milo!Anybody,please answer!"Nothing.It was then that I realized I was the only survivor.
Suddenly,the flaming,crumbled parts of the transport shuffled wildly.
"W-whos there,he asked in a choppy voice,I w-will s-shoot you!!!"
"What the?Milo it's me Kade don't you remember?"Strange,and questionable thoughts rang in through my head.
But I thought too long./I felt a sharp,drilling pain run through my chest.

......Blackness again.Images running through my head.They seemed familiar somehow.
They were memories.Memories of my own ,struggle in the City.

Sorry,I havnet had time to update.Chapter 3 should hopefully be coming soon.Im trying to expand the chapters!