Random Fluctuations in the Space-Time continueum (a parody, but not by much)

[Jintor]

Gordon Freeman sighed. What was he supposed to do? Casted Mute ever since the incident at Black Mesa, then alternately surviving the massive invasion of Black Mesa by both alien and marine forces, kicking arse, taking names, generally... uh... being 133+. But this? What had he to cope with this? He had grenades, an MP5, pistols, all manner of experimental weapons. He even had snarks in his pants, for god's sake.

But what weapon could defeat boredom?

He had been stuck in the G-Man's waiting room for 10 years now. During that time he theorised the reason for the existance of man, explained why that man was so stupid, finished every single Final Fantasy Game ever invented (it was in his HEV suit, don't ask why), and, almost uniquely, managed to finish reading the users guide to the HEV suit. He discovered that the HEV suit was quite capable of more or less serving as a house - inbuilt microwave, bed (yeah, don't ask), showers, even something that automatically served you food.

Now he was observing a small life-form he had created out of earwax and the mist he got from breathing on his glasses. It wasn't doing much. (well, it was, but he couldn't see it. In fact, his earwax mist had already progressed to the Roman era and would have become a waiting-room superpower if the G-man hadn't accidentally stepped on it 3 days later.)

WHACK! went the lead pipe.

Before he went down, Freeman heard this: "Time, Dr Freeman? Is it really that... no, wait, i stuffed it. Hmmm.... well, we'll do this when you recover."

 

[Gordon's Brother]

nice
IHAVE10BUCKS
sry needed to type more than six letters

 

[Ennui]

Hehe, I like it. The humor's a bit out there, but it feels almost like Douglas Adams. I've written some fiction like this before, it's always a blast to write and it's actually interesting to read afterwards even though you wrote it.

Write more. Do a sidestory about the wax's evolution over the next three days and talk in particular about the little earwax blob with glasses whose place of work gets randomly attacked by aliens after a rather destructive resonance cascade, and how he's kept in a slow time chamber.

Spoiler

you thought it was the portal exploding, eh? Nope, it was really the g-man's foot.

.

Parallel universes are a blast to write or think about, so I went off on a random tangent there.

 

[Gordon's Brother]

Hehe, I like it. The humor's a bit out there, but it feels almost like Douglas Adams. I've written some fiction like this before, it's always a blast to write and it's actually interesting to read afterwards even though you wrote it.

Write more. Do a sidestory about the wax's evolution over the next three days and talk in particular about the little earwax blob with glasses whose place of work gets randomly attacked by aliens after a rather destructive resonance cascade, and how he's kept in a slow time chamber.

:O :bounce: :O :O

i never knew wax evolved :O :O

 

[Jintor]

"Rise and shine... Mr Freeman... rise and shine."

Gordon groaned. Not again, not now... wait... maybe he would be out of the waiting room?

"You've been... sleeping on the job.... your pay... has been cuttttttt.... but no-one deserves a pay cut more... than you..."

Ah, nuts thought Gordon. There goes my pay - wait, was i getting paid? I outght to, i spent 10 years in that damn waiting room...

...thought Gordon.

"Yet all the effort... in the world... would have gone to waste, but... well, let's just say... your time has... come again. The right man in the right place... wrong place... something... can make all the difference in the world..."

Ah shit. He's gonna send me into the world again. And, knowing Gman, it'll be in New York. What a bastard.

"So, wake up, Mr Freeman... wake up and... smell the ashes..."

New York... thought Gordon.

"Hey, I didn't see you get on... did i? Maybe i did? Possibly? Maybe? Space-time theory suggests that if you don't see someone get on a train, then they didn't actually get on the train... but it's always possible that the train didn't get on the person... or something..." came a low muttering from out of Gordon's vision, which was empty, because his glasses had fallen off. He noticed he didn't have his HEV suit. Damn.

"Ignore him. Hey, seriously though, I didn't see you get on, Mr...?"
said a guy, sitting down. Gordon looked around. A train, he saw. A train, filled with mess, and debris, and - as per normal - people. Well, at least it wasn't New York.

"Mr...?" prompted the man again. Gordon pointed at his throat, then mouthed 'Freeman' at him. The man shook his head. "Mute, huh? Strange punishment, havn't seen that sort before. Normally they just beat you until you've got bruises that sort of look like Hawaii. Hey, if you need to talk to dudes, you should get a pen. And cardboard."

"Well, buddy, end of the line" grunted the man arguing space-time theory against himself. He kicked the door open and jumped out.

Freeman and the other guy looked at each other.

"You know..." said the guy. "That's the first time I've seen anybody fling themselves out of a train on top of a bridge. Seriously. Here, have some cardboard. It's on the house."

Gordon nodded sagely, and thought: Meh, It's better than New York.






(I'll put in an earwax mist story later.)

 

[Sloth]

awsome
6char??