Reason #237 for disliking religion

[15357]

Today (a couple of hours ago, actually) two elderly looking people came to my door and talked about how jesus loved me for nearly 15 fecking minutes. Of course, I had to just stand there and nod politely so not to offend the couple unshamefully whoring their religion. Before they left, however, they gave me a little booklet, on which the front held the words: "THE END IS COMING." and a picture of 2 people picking fruit with wild animals.

I turned the page, and behold, there was a picture of thousands of "sinners" in a somewhat parental-advisory-required-PG-13-type illustration. The caption: "Homosexuality and other sinful [cannot translate] are rampant in our society. Be the ones to be free to share the glory of heaven when our savior comes."

Feeling rather disgusted, I turned the page again.

Now there was a comic of a couple on a plane, talking about all the good things they had done in their life, donations, orphanages, saving people from starvation, ect. Then another couple came to them and talked about Jesus and God. The first couple said that they didn't believe in god. Then the plane suddenly plunged down into the ocean. Of course, in the end of the comic, the first couple were burning in hell, while the second were given a place in teh eternal kingdom of god.

Next page. "Ask for forgivness before it is too late!" with another gory illustration of people eternally burning in hell, with the couple in the comic at the very front.

Back cover: Name of church, phone number, map of location.


I was about to throw the booklet away, but then I thought better and used it to clean up the dog poop at the front door, and proceeded to yell at my dog.

 

[kirovman]

lol
So they've infected your society too?

 

[bliink]

Ah convert people with threats!

I think I'd take it personally if people brought that shit to my door.

 

[15357]

Yeah.... I think I'll just hang a large cross on the front door, so that they won't come again.


Or call the police and say that they threatened to burn me for eternity.

 

[kirovman]

Hang it upside down

 

[bliink]

Yeah.... I think I'll just hang a large cross on the front door, so that they won't come again.

I can think of more entertaining things to hang on your door to prevent them coming back.

1) Star of David
2) Pentagram with "666" and "Hail Satan" on it
3) Claymore mine
4) Sign that says "Abandoned"
5) Sign that says "CAUTION! Plague!"
6) Live wires
7) Animal carcass
8) Crucified body

 

[99.vikram]

Or call the police and say that they threatened to burn me for eternity.

 

[15357]

I can think of more entertaining things to hang on your door to prevent them coming back.

1) Star of David
2) Pentagram with "666" and "Hail Satan" on it
3) Claymore mine
4) Sign that says "Abandoned"
5) Sign that says "CAUTION! Plague!"
6) Live wires
7) Animal carcass
8) Crucified body

I'll take #3 and #6.

 

[99.vikram]

OR you could make your own "I Luv Jebus" pamphlets and try giving it to them the next time they come to call on you.

 

[Ravioli]

wow that is even worse then violent video games. Just think of it "crazy old people giving sadistic texts and visuals to kids of any age".

Uber-Religios people sickens me. As long as they respect me i respect them, if they dont respect me...the **** them.

 

[<RJMC>]

lol so if you make donations for orphanages and give food to starving people but dont believe in god you go to hell anyway?
here are many of those people
I remenber when I was a kid they talked about the paradise and stuff like it will come a age where all the living beigns will be friendly like that you can play whit a lion and they wouldnt hurt you,and I was like "wtf play whit a lion?"
anyway everytime I go to a house of one of my grandpas there are various of those booklets,and almost all of then are about "END IS COMING OBEY JESUS BICTH" well whitout the bitch but you get the idea

 

[ríomhaire]

Make a pamphlet saying you are trying to get the government to pass all the laws of the Bible into law, including death for disobeying your parents, death for being gay, death for wearing clothes made of 2 different fabrics, death for harbouring a heathen preacher in your town and death for eatting pork, then go to their house pretending to be really nice at first and stedilly building up the crazy zeal factor and end it by shouting at them "What crimes have you comminted? DID YOU RAPE A BABY!?"

 

[<RJMC>]

what about pretedn to "accept" theyr religion and then coming to theyr church spreading another one or a invented one
"hey my brtohers I discovered the real faith,the big kawanza! he will be the only god that will spread joy and condons to all of us!kawanza!"

 

[evil^milk]

Ugh. My friend got this booklet and showed it to me. I asked him if I could keep it because it was just plain hilarious. It says, in bold letters, "One day you will stand before God." Then there's this huge divine hand pointing down at some poor scared guy.

 

[Danimal]

A book of threats?

$10 says it'll take 15 minutes before that reaches Australia.

 

[Darkwolf]

what about pretedn to "accept" theyr religion and then coming to theyr church spreading another one or a invented one
"hey my brtohers I discovered the real faith,the big kawanza! he will be the only god that will spread joy and condons to all of us!kawanza!"

Pastafranism? That would really drive them up the spout!

 

[gick]

Pastafranism? That would really drive them up the spout!

Haha, I tried that last time I got visited by Jehovah's witnesses. They thought I was taking the piss. Which I was, obviously.

 

[kirovman]

lol so if you make donations for orphanages and give food to starving people but dont believe in god you go to hell anyway?
here are many of those people
I remenber when I was a kid they talked about the paradise and stuff like it will come a age where all the living beigns will be friendly like that you can play whit a lion and they wouldnt hurt you,and I was like "wtf play whit a lion?"
anyway everytime I go to a house of one of my grandpas there are various of those booklets,and almost all of then are about "END IS COMING OBEY JESUS BICTH" well whitout the bitch but you get the idea

Yes because God doesn't care if you're good or not.

He just cares that:

a) You obeyed his laws
b) You worshipped him in fear.

 

[Core407]

It's funny that you stand around and listen to this garbage. Why not stop wasting everyone's time and just tell them you're not interested BEFORE the 15 minutes of God babble.

 

[Fliko]

Yeah.... I think I'll just hang a large cross on the front door, so that they won't come again.

They come more so-often to talk about religon

 

[PvtRyan]

I was about to throw the booklet away, but then I thought better and used it to clean up the dog poop at the front door, and proceeded to yell at my dog.

I thought you people ate your dogs?

 

[kirovman]

It's an aphrodisiac though.

Numbers' parents are saving his dog for his 18th birthday D:

 

[Angry Lawyer]

I always wondered what was in Kimchi D:

-Angry Lawyer

 

[[Dragoon]]

Yeah, evangelical Christians are insane. Check out The Truth for Youth, it's a collection of comics like the one you mentioned, but more hilariously stupid. I like the one about evolution, because he takes so many things out of context that he nearly Godwin's his argument.

 

[Neutrino]

Just answer your door wearing nothing but a pair of camo boots.

I gurantee it will solve your problem.

 

[Ridge]

Just answer your door wearing nothing but a pair of camo boots.

I gurantee it will solve your problem.

LMFAO

 

[the cheese]

Or you could turn up at the door dressed like a shaman and say to them "do you mind we are in the middle of a sacrifice" and then say hand them a leaflet on paganism.

 

[Mr-Fusion]

the cheese delivers!

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[Raziaar]

Yeah, evangelical Christians are insane. Check out The Truth for Youth, it's a collection of comics like the one you mentioned, but more hilariously stupid. I like the one about evolution, because he takes so many things out of context that he nearly Godwin's his argument.

http://www.thetruthforyouth.com/standard/main.htm

Read the pornography ones. Hilarious.

 

[evil^milk]

It says at the bottom,

If you have problems with pornography, call 1-800-394-HOPE (4673) for completely confidential help.

Anyone up for a prank?

 

[<RJMC>]

It says at the bottom,

If you have problems with pornography, call 1-800-394-HOPE (4673) for completely confidential help.

Anyone up for a prank?

call and say you are a nun that masturbated whit a cross

 

[Jintor]

...

I'm sort of half thankful I don't get door-to-door preachers here, and sort of half annoyed that I've got noone to prank.

 

[99.vikram]

http://www.thetruthforyouth.com/standard/main.htm

Read the homosexuality one. Anti gay education begins young...

 

[AiM]

Pfff... just call the cops and claim there are 'communists' at your front door.

*VOILA* problem solved

 

[Bad^Hat]

I was about to throw the booklet away, but then I thought better and used it to clean up the dog poop at the front door, and proceeded to yell at my dog.

You're my idol for the day.

 

[15357]

It's funny that you stand around and listen to this garbage. Why not stop wasting everyone's time and just tell them you're not interested BEFORE the 15 minutes of God babble.

But then it would show disrespect and impolitness. D:

 

[PvtRyan]

Hahaha, the most hilarious bit about that evolution comic is when guy says "There's no 'missing link' because the Bible says God created humans in his image! * "

And at the bottom:
* Genesis 1:27

They actually use the Bible as reference literature

 

[Sulkdodds]

I told Jehovah's Witnesses I was a Scientologist.

Woo-whee, did that go down well.

 

[Azner]

Make a pamphlet saying you are trying to get the government to pass all the laws of the Bible into law, including death for disobeying your parents, death for being gay, death for wearing clothes made of 2 different fabrics, death for harbouring a heathen preacher in your town and death for eatting pork, then go to their house pretending to be really nice at first and stedilly building up the crazy zeal factor and end it by shouting at them "What crimes have you comminted? DID YOU RAPE A BABY!?"

Sounds just like the combine