Redneck Follies: Man charged with DUI but never left bar stool

[CptStern]

...because:

holy **** jethro

Gerrit Konink was sitting in his living room around dinnertime earlier this month when he heard somebody down the street fire up what he thought was a lawnmower.

He figured one of his neighbors was getting a jump on his yard work.

Instead, it was someone jumping on a motorized bar stool.

From his window, the 66-year-old Konink then saw something buzz down Kelley Lane in Newark.

"I knew it was something strange, and then it was gone," he said. "It was too fast."

Newark police say that Konink saw a neighbor riding a motorized bar stool shortly before the man wrecked while trying to make a U-turn.

Police say that Kile Wygle, 28, had one too many before wheeling his homemade oddity around the neighborhood on March 4.

Wygle was charged with driving the bar stool while under the influence of alcohol and driving while under suspension.

At Licking Memorial Hospital, where Wygle was treated for minor injuries, he chuckled about his bar stool. Wygle told Trotter that he'd had about 15 beers before the wreck. The man refused to take a blood-alcohol test.

When Trotter informed Wygle that he was investigating a traffic crash, Wygle reportedly replied that he wasn't driving a vehicle -- he was driving a bar stool.

Bar-stool racing appears to be popular in Wisconsin and some other parts of the country, and motorized bar stools are available for purchase online.

lol at wisconsin

http://www.dispatch.com/live/conten...tool.ART_ART_03-31-09_A1_D1DDFUN.html?sid=101

 

[Azner]

Sounds bloody fun tbh

 

[Raziaar]

I don't see what's redneck about a motorized barstool.

Konink sounds like a German name or something... Germans love motorized vehicles, and love beer! Can't blame the guy... it's in his blood.

Guess it makes him redneck though because it happened in the states.

It's certainly amusing though. And not the first time this sort of thing has happened.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article/article?f=/g/a/2003/08/14/MNbarstool.DTL

It started Monday when an officer saw a man riding the motorized bar stool at 35 mph. He was being followed closely by a woman in a Mustang.

Both driver and rider were pulled over.

The woman told police she had been on the phone with a dispatcher reporting the bar stool stolen.

The owner of the bar stool confirmed that the stool, powered by a small engine, had been taken three weeks earlier.

Jarrett Orcutt, 22, said he had bought it a little over a week ago, thinking it was a toy and added that he had driven it between Reno and nearby Sparks several times. Police estimate its value at more than $1,000.

Orcutt faces Reno charges of possession of stolen property, possession of drug paraphernalia and numerous traffic violations.

Sparks police are handling the stolen vehicle report.

 

[CptStern]

I don't see what's redneck about a motorized barstool.

^^^ may be a redneck


also the next logical extension of the barstool car;

another milestone in redneck history

 

[Raziaar]

^^^ may be a redneck


also the next logical extension of the barstool car;

another milestone in redneck history

lawl...

You sound like an inverted Ann Coulter whenever you speak. What defines a redneck anyway? Because I probably don't meet any of your criteria other than living in a southern state and being white.

 

[Vegeta897]

You're telling me.

 

[CptStern]

lawl...

You sound like an inverted Ann Coulter whenever you speak.

oooh that would be gross what with the organs being on the outside instead of the inside

What defines a redneck anyway? Because I probably don't meet any of your criteria other than living in a southern state and being white.

I usually go by the jeff foxworthy guide of how to identify rednecks:

http://www.jefffoxworthy.com/comedy/jod/index.shtml

http://survivalguide.groups.vox.com/library/video/6a00c225257b9bf21900d414477d4b6a47.html

 

[Raziaar]

I usually go by the jeff foxworthy guide of how to identify rednecks:

http://www.jefffoxworthy.com/comedy/jod/index.shtml

http://survivalguide.groups.vox.com/library/video/6a00c225257b9bf21900d414477d4b6a47.html

You Might Be A Redneck if...Failed to execute CGI : Win32 Error Code = 50

Shit man... I always Failed to execute CGI: Win32 Error Code = 50



And that video isn't even working. It's been removed due to copyright violations.

It's about redneck dress though. I suppose I dress like a redneck. I mean... sometimes I wear blue jeans. And I always wear polo shirts or t-shirts... and sometimes I wear slacks.

How redneckish of me.

 

[CptStern]

Shit man... I always Failed to execute CGI: Win32 Error Code = 50

And that video isn't even working. It's been removed due to copyright violations.

you of all people must know by now I cant watch video while at work ..admittedly I only put in a half-assed effort but it's you so ....

It's about redneck dress though. I suppose I dress like a redneck. I mean... sometimes I wear blue jeans. And I always wear polo shirts or t-shirts... and sometimes I wear slacks.

How redneckish of me.

where's your overalls and straw hat?

 

[Raziaar]

where's your overalls and straw hat?

Don't own any. Must make me a poor redneck.

 

[CptStern]

but the banjo and white hoody makes up for it

 

[Raziaar]

Yep... inverted Ann Coulter. Bullshit in the opposite direction.

 

[CptStern]

so it comes out my ass instead of my mouth like Coulter?

 

[CyberPitz]

I don't know, first thing I thought was "redneck" also...

This "Bash on stern on every post" gets annoying sometimes.

 

[Shakermaker]

Konink sounds like a German name or something... Germans love motorized vehicles, and love beer! Can't blame the guy... it's in his blood.

It's Dutch. Your point is still valid though since we like beer and motored vehicles as well.

 

[ThunderDawg]

And not the first time this sort of thing has happened.

There is an entire industry for this type of rednekid hobby.

 

[Raziaar]

There is an entire industry for this type of rednekid hobby.

Yeah but it's not a ****ing redneck sport.

From what I know, the thing originated out on the Bonneville salt flats. By people who love vehicles and love seeing how fast they go. That's not redneck at all. It's just the desire for speed and the absurdity of in what way you accomplish it.

I mean shit... do you associate rednecks even with bars? **** no... they're more associated with sitting at home with shitty beer in six packs and guzzling them while on the couch.

I mean yeah sure, people oftentimes associate rednecks with alcohol, but that doesn't make anything alcohol related redneck related.

People also associate NASCAR with being a redneck, as I typically do too. But they don't associate all forms of racing with redneck. Many of the most exciting ones are foreign things like F1 racing and stuff.

But I mean, any of those things I said, drinking six packs of beer at home on the couch or some shit, or being passionate about NASCAR... those things are ****ing trivial in defining somebody really, unless you're a ****ing Jeff Foxworthy fan. Though even his stupid "You might be a redneck if" includes the word "might".

lol. I'm treating this more seriously if I should, but it's just that CptStern is always so ****ing quick at disparaging people based on his ideals and individual traits, which makes him no better than the people he professes to hate so much. And it gets annoying.

 

[Wanted Bob]

I loled when I saw the title, and guessed who posted it.

You always got something on the Rednecks Stern

Crazy, if not stupid invention.

 

[Unfocused]

It's Dutch. Your point is still valid though since we like beer and motored vehicles as well.

Except that Koninik was the name of the neigbour that was wondering what the hell is driving down the street.

 

[Shakermaker]

Except that Koninik was the name of the neigbour that was wondering what the hell is driving down the street.

lol, didn't spot that. I just quoted Razzie.