Sport Comments Bloopers

[Adrien C]

. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
(Winston Bennett — Footballer)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing — but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter - Boxer)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
(Ron Atkinson — Football Coach)

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
(Mark Draper — Aston Villa)

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect."
(Ted Lowe)

"We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."
(Bobby Robson, after playing Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup finals)

 

[jimbo118]

. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

lmao, they're great...

 

[Ren.182]

haha, those are awesome. Especially the 11 dicks on the field one

 

[Kamikazie]

takes his balls out and kisses them...

 

[Greatgat]

takes his balls out and kisses them...

Yeah, I ROFLed at that one. "Oh God, what have I just said!"

Wonderful.

 

[JNightshade]

I liked the one about mounting the horse's mother

 

[Boogymanx]

I liked all of them!

 

[Septih]

there's a whole little book series of them called colemanballs, some are rather odd but a lot are rather funny

 

[Reginald]

I liked the one about mounting the horse's mother

Yeah, we all know why you like that one :naughty:

 

[Top Secret]

Oh my god, tears are streaming down my face. I'm laughing so hard. =D

 

[carrera]

his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"

 

[ríomhaire]

I got these e-mailed to me from my brother last year.

 

[Reaktor4]

heres some gordon strachan quotes. dunno if theyre all real.

Southampton manager Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney:
Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a
call from Michael Jackson than Sven-Goran Eriksson.

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are
the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job
and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because
I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us
to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a
yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my
priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can
take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here.
I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man,
down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret. >

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

stupid comments:

Kevin Keegan:
".....I'm not trying to make excuses for David Seaman, but I think the lights may have been a problem....."

Des Lynam:
".....Real's second goal made it 3-0....."

Ally McCoist:
".....Real Madrid are probably, without doubt, the best team in the world....."

Mark Bright: ".....Both of Celtic's scorers are English....."
Barry Davies: ".....I'll have to correct you there, Mark- John Hartson is Welsh....."
Mark Bright: ".....Okay - English-based....."

George Graham:
".....If Liverpool finish sixth and you get more points than them, you're looking at finishing fifth. Or even fourth....."

Gordon Strachan: (after defeat by Everton)
".....I tried to get the disappointment out of my system by going for a walk. I ended up 17 miles from home and I had to phone my wife, Lesley to come and pick me up....."

John Hartson:
".....From start to finish we really started the game well....."

Mark Lawrenson:
".....Ireland will give 99% - everything they've got....."

Niall Quinn:
".....the Albanians are penetrating us from all positions....."

Kevin Keegan:
".....People will say that was typical City, which really annoys me. But that's typical City, I suppose....."

Thierry Henry:
".....If the referee had eyes, he would have sent Neville off....."

Craig Bellamy:
".....Arsenal are streets ahead of everyone in this league, and Manchester United are up there with them....."

Gordon Strachan:
".....The ref said: 'If I make a mistake don't make me look an idiot.' I had a great reply lined up but it would have cost me a couple of quid....."

Andy Gray:
".....Anyone who takes drugs should be hammered....."

Alan Parry:
".....He'll probably wake up having sleepless nights about that one....."

Jeff Stelling:
".....Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he's done the same this week....."

Claudo Ranieri:
".....If you need just a first 11 and four others, why did Columbus sail to India to discover America ?....."

Alan Smith:
".....I'd love to be a fly on the Panathinaikos dressing-room wall.....if I could speak Greece....."

Glenn Hoddle:
".....We don't want to put a timescale on Tony Gardner's injury. He could be back in four weeks, but we'll re-assess in three weeks' time....."

Trevor Brooking:
".....That could have been his second yellow card.....if he'd already got his first one, of course....."

David Pleat:
".....Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some. Or occasionally lose....."

Alan McInally:
".....In any walk of life, if you get a penalty you expect to score....."

Chris Kamara:
".....Robert Earnshaw has scored goals in the Nationwide. That proves he's a Premiership player....."

Joe Royle:
".....Wolves beat Palace convincingly without being convincing....."

Gordon Strachan: (after Southampton climbed to fourth in the Premiership)
".....I'm going home to get myself a Coca-Cola and a packet of crisps, sit in front of the TV and look at the League table on Teletext all night....."

Mark Bright:
".....The crowd will be looking for Vieri to inspirate them....."

Sir Bobby Robson:
".....We haven't scored, which means you haven't got a chance of winning....."

Kevin Kilbane:
".....We kicked ourselves in the teeth....."

Glenn Hoddle:
".....There was nothing wrong with the performance, apart from throwing away the game....."

Mark Bright:
".....Man City's marking was non-extinct there....."

Ian Holloway:
".....My day didn't start very well.....the Holloway household had to have our dog put down unfortunately, but that's life. I've just said to the lads: 'You're born and you die on a date. You've got to work on the dash in the middle'....."

Graeme Le Saux:
".....He's started anticipating what's going to happen before it's even happened....."

Gary Newbon:
".....There's such a fine line between defeat and losing....."

David Platt:
".....Michael Owen is irreplaceable, but Sven has Emile Heskey, James Beattie, Wayne Rooney and Darius Vassell, and whoever he picks can do the job....."

Phil Neal:
".....When England go to Turkey there could be fatalities - or even worse, injuries....."

John Aldridge:
".....You can't wait until you're a goal down at half-time, an away goal at that, before you throw the gun at them....."

Alan Green:
".....you don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals....."

Gordon Strachan: (talking about defender Claus Lundekvam)
".....When he was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue. He's always like that....."

Rob Hawthorne:
".....All of West Ham's away victories have come on opponents' territory....."

Peter Jones:
".....It's Ipswich nil, Liverpool two, and if that's the way the score stays then you've got to fancy Liverpool to win....."

Ian Rush:
".....Djimi Traore had to adapt to the English game, and he did that by going out on loan to Lens last season....."

Gerard Houllier:
".....You can not say my team aren't winners. They've proved that by finishing fourth, third, and second in the last three years..."

Steven Gerrard:
".....I've got a good record there- played one, won one - hopefully it will be the same after saturday....."

Ian Holloway:
".....I can't see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays, but I ended up going to Lyme Regis....."

Peter Reid:
".....Magnifico.....or whatever they say in Paris....."

David O'Leary:
".....Achilles tendon injuries are a pain in the butt....."

Gordon Starchan: (talking about Sir Alex Ferguson)
".....He used to play tapes of Bill Shankly talking. I remember that and a singer he liked. I don't know who it was but it was crap. He played it on the team bus too, and all the boys hated it. Until one night it got chucked away. If he's still wondering who threw that tape off the bus, it was me. So maybe he was right and I'm not to be trusted....."

Peter Reid:
".....James Beattie is learning how to pull off defenders....."

George Graham:
".....the one thing I didn't expect is the way we didn't play....."

Glenn Hoddle:
".....Okay, so we lost, but good things come from it - negative and positive....."

Glenn Hoddle:
".....I have never heard a minute's silence like the one for Princess Diana....."

Glenn Hoddle:
".....He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was 19, because his first two yards were in his head....."

Denis Law:
".....There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan Giggs....."

George Gavin:
".....So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best. Tell us what it's about....."

Norman Whiteside:
".....The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place, play for the same club, and were discovered by the same man....."

Clive Tyldesley:
".....He's not George Best, but then again, no-one is....."

Alan Brazil:
".....Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don't forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's....."

David Unsworth:
".....Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground....."

Carlton Palmer:
".....I said to the players before the start, 'Just go out and give it 100 per cent'.....I am not asking for any more than that....."

Peter Schmeichel:
".....Solskjaer never misses the target. That time he hit the post....."

Joe Royle:
".....That was clearly a tackle aimed at getting revenge - or maybe it was just out-and-out retribution....."

Sir Bobby Robson: (on Paul Parker at the end of the 1990 World Cup)
".....That little lad has jumped like a salmon and tackled like a ferret....."

Sir Bobby Robson:
".....He's very fast, and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him up....."

Sir Bobby Robson:
".....For a player to ask for a transfer has opened everybody's eyebrows....."

Sir Bobby Robson:
".....Tottenham have impressed me: they haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun....."

Andy Gray:
".....there was no contact there - just a clash of bodies....."

Mike Parry:
".....David Beckham's wife appears to be no different from five million other girls, but she's got something that sets her apart from the other four million, nine hundred and fifty thousand and ninety-five....."

Ian Wright: (talking about Tony Adams)
".....It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up to being an alcoholic....."

Kenny Sansom: (talking about Tony Adams)
".....His testimonial will be such an emotional night for Tony - I can't wait to go for a drink with him afterwards....."

Tony Adams:
".....Left alone with our own heads on, we can be pretty mental....."

Kevin Keegan:
".....there's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow....."

Tony Adams:
".....The Championship is the carrot at the end of the Championship....."

John Hollins:
".....A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave....."

John Greig:
".....Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow....."

Matt Lorenzo:
".....Forest scored after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play....."

Ray Wilkins:
".....Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot....."

David Pleat:
".....He had to cut back inside onto his left because he hasn't got a right foot....."

Steve Rider:
".....If you don't want to know the result, look away now as we show you Tony Adams lifting the trophy....."

Bobby Gould:
".....We are really lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day....."

Ron Atkinson: (as Steve MacManaman hoisted the European Cup, after Real Madrid defeated Valencia)
".....you won't see that again now that the Scouser's got it....."

Arsene Wenger:
".....It is farcical Sol has been cited. It seems to me we are living in farci-land....."

Brian Moore:
".....The news from Guadalajara, where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up....."

Paul Gascoigne:
".....The doctor at Lazio told me I should try drinking wine, because it would be good for me. When I did, he had one look at me and said: 'You'd better go back on the beer'....."

 

[Reaktor4]

Sir Alex Ferguson:
".....Andy Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out....."

Johnny Giles:
".....I'd rather play in front of a full-house than an empty crowd....."

Vinnie Jones:
".....Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win....."

Pat Crerand:
".....Matt (Busby) always believed Manchester United would be one of the greatest clubs in the world. He was the eternal optimist. In 1968, he still hoped Glenn Miller was just missing....."

Mick McCarthy:
"....I have Gary Lineker's shirt up in my hotel room, and it's only stopped moving now....."

Kevin Keegan:
".....Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders....."

Bill Shankly:
"....I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Milan. If I had my way, I wouldn't even tell them the time of the kick-off....."

Lawrie McMenemy:
".....the last player to score a hat-trick in an FA Cup Final was Stan Mortensen. He even had a Final named after him....... the Matthews Final....."

Peter Jones:
".....Sporting Lisbon, in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras....."

Kevin Keegan:
"....Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose....."

John Lyall:
"....In terms of the Richter scale, this defeat was a Force 8 gale...."

Tommy Docherty:
"....my Chairman at Aston Villa, Doug Ellis, said he was right behind me, so I told him I'd rather have him in front of me where I could see him....."

Craig Brown:
"....when I joined Rangers I immediately established myself as third-choice left-half. The guys ahead of me were an amputee and a Catholic....."

Ron Atkinson:
".....he sliced the ball when he had it on a plate....."

Mrs. Kay Dicks:
".....people talk about Julian's haircut and his tackling and how aggressive he looks but I don't see him like that. I could see him in a tutu and ballet shoes. He is a big girl's blouse...."

Tommy Burns:
"....in Glasgow half the fans hate you, and the other half think they own you....."

Brian Glanville:
"....Jan Molby looked corpulent enough to be playing darts for Denmark....."

Brough Scott:
"....when the team trooped on, Molby looked like a fat man who had tagged on to the Liverpool line to live out every overweight's dream....."

Paul Gascoigne:
".....I've been told I retain a lot of moisture when I eat....."

Luther Blissett (on joining AC Milan):
"....blimey!... The ground looks a bit different to Watford. Where's the dog-track ?....."

George Best:
".....I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me.....'What's an IQ ?'....."

Jimmy Hagan (Vittoria Setubal manager):
".....I shouldn't be too upset at losing to Benfica. After all, they have the best players, the best referees and the best linesmen....."

Steve Bruce:
".....the only English I've heard from Eric Cantona is 'Goal !'....."

Tommy Docherty:
".....Tony Hateley had it all. The only thing he lacked was ability....."

Jesus Gil:
".....Hugo Sanchez is a very dangerous man. He is about as welcome as a piranha in a bidet....."

James Sanderson:
".....Well, Ibrox is filling up slowly, but rapidly....."

David Coleman:
".....On this 102nd Cup Final today, there are just two teams left...."

Jimmy Armfield:
"....Whelan was in the position he was, exactly....."

Brian Moore:
"....Newcastle, unbeaten in their last five wins....."

Bobby Robson:
".....Well, we got nine....and you can't score more than that....."

Ron Greenwood:
"......In comparison, there's no comparison....."

Ron Atkinson:
"......I'm going to make a prediction.....".....it could go either way....."

Peter Jones:
".....So Liverpool are ahead 2-1.....".it couldn't be a closer lead....."

Ron Greenwood:
"......Robson: well he does what he does, and his future is in the future...."

Bruce Grobbelaar:
"......That's a question mark everybody's asking....."
Well done if you got through that lot..

 

[jimbo118]

Alan Brazil:
".....Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don't forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's....."

i read through most of them and i really lol'ed at that one