Tech support stupidities that we can all laugh about

ya i never want to be in tech support mainly for those reasons shown in the site. at least it makes great stories haha
 
Customer: "Hello, yes, my system is crushed!"
Tech Support: "Crushed?"
Customer: "Yes, that is what I said, crushed."
Tech Support: "Oh, your system has crashed..."
Customer: "Yes, I cannot do anything, my mouse will not work, and I can't see anything on the screen. I need it fixed now!"
Tech Support: "Ok, I need some history on this problem. What was the last thing you did before the system crashed?"
Customer: "Well, after I stood on the computer to hang a picture, my machine was crushed."
Tech Support: "Oh, so your system has been crushed..."
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:laugh:
 
Teta_Bonita said:
:laugh:
Click to expand...

I just read that one. Hehe.

Seriously though, I feel really bad for people who are so computer illiterate. And I don't mean in a good way, I mean in a sad way. It really depresses me and I don't know why! I feel the same thing for anybody really who I really feel sorry for. It's entirely frustrating.
 
Honestly I want to get a tech support job just so I can get some stories like that...
 
A user brought in a rather dirty Sony VAIO system to get a new power supply. The thing was dirty and beat up. He set it on the counter, and the side panel popped right open, and the thing was grubby inside. We saw one little tiny bug scurry out of it, and we killed it.

The system was brought in back to the garage, to clean it out. The thing was crawling with bugs -- there were over twenty inside this thing, including cockroaches and others I didn't even recognize. We doused everything with antiseptic and killed as many as we could. Then we popped in the new power supply. Just as we brought it out front, one last roach crawled from underneath the old supply and scurried into the new one, making it his home.

When we told the user about the amount of bugs (and charging him a little extra for our trouble), he said, "Well, I'm not surprised. We had this thing out by our kitchen." Egads.
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Solution: Home service pack 2, with free Orkin service.
 
imaginate something like

*phone call*
you: tech support here what I can help you?
caller: oh yeah hi err I have some problem whit my laptop
you:whats the problem?
caller but one questiong first, can you come here to solve the problem?
you:but you can bring the laptop here if the problem is that bad
caller: oh no I cant go there
you:why?
caller: well one thing is a have a lot of porn material you know,like lesbians whit lesbians and hardcore anal and such stuff like that and I use it a lot
you:and is that related to the problem? spyware?trojans? dont worry cuz your privacy will be safe
caller:but the thing is errr....my dick got stuck in the CDdrive
you:what?
caller: yeah as you I am kind of a lonely man and I just...couldnt resist
you:but how you..?!
caller: please tell me you can help me, it hurst and the tip is getting purple and feels numb
you: dam you need a life


in my opinion some of those should be made up

I've worked in a software store for a couple years now. I've had more than person irate that we sold them a Playstation CD that doesn't work on a computer, a computer CD that doesn't work on a Playstation, and even someone who wanted Windows 95 for the Playstation. But none of these compare to this one user:

On Friday, a man came in, carefully browsed the store, and purchased a brand new copy of James Bond 007 for the Nintendo 64. I sold him a strategy guide to go with it at a 20% discount and sent him happily on his way. I happened to be working the next day when he stormed back in. He spotted me and came running down the store, vaguely resembling a freight train.

"You idiot! This" -- shoving the game in my face -- "doesn't work in my system! I couldn't make it fit at all! And I just brought the system brand new, so it's a bad game, and I WANT MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE YOU'RE SELLING BAD PRODUCTS!!!"

Well, it was within our seven day return policy, so I calmly accepted the package and proceeded to open it to make sure it was still in saleable condition. To my great astonishment, it had apparently been neatly trimmed down to around 3 1/2 inches with some sort of saw.

"Siiiir..? What happened to this game?"

"Nothing! I just cut it to fit in my Compaq! It should work -- I just bought it!"
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ok if that was real I will just facepalm myself to death
 
Pure pwnage covers Tech Support. I'm sure someone with more energy than me can link the rest to it
 
My father has good ol' tech support woes. He has his own comp repair business..and I've heard so many horror stories of bugs. What's great, is one time he opened a case, because the computer won't power on. Well, a mouse was fried TO the motherboard....ouch.
 
A friend of mine asked me to take a look at her computer. She said the computer was unusually "quiet" and would reboot itself on occasion. I surmised correctly that the fan on her power supply was faulty. She was a chain smoker and apparently smoked a lot while working on the computer; not only was the power supply fan gummed up with revolting tar and nicotine, but the CPU's cooling fan was clogged beyond use, and the cdrom drive drawer would not open. This is the only computer I have ever worked on that died from smoking.
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:laugh:
 
Ridge said:
Honestly I want to get a tech support job just so I can get some stories like that...
Click to expand...

Trust me, it's not always hysterical. Most of the time, it's mind-numbing and stressful. The fact that so many completely idiotic people are allowed even NEAR a PC is frightening.

Most days are filled with two kinds of people:

1) Those that know nothing and aren't even articulate enough to let you know that they know nothing...

2) The "power user" people... yeah.. the ones who think because they found the power button, they're a highly evolved species of PC user. I hate them most.

I remember the game we used to play... "Who can get the most people to type format c:\?"

I only use that one on #2s. #1s, I just pity.
 
* Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
* Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
* Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
* Customer: "Computer?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
* Customer: "I don't have a computer."
* Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
* Customer: "My new lawn mower."
* Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
* Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
* Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
* Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)
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loldam6charwhoeverputhisdeservetodie
 
Yeah, but I mean, pressing the back of the spacebar for a backspace?

C'mon...
 
  • Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."
  • Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
  • Customer: "Netscape."
  • Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"
  • Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"
  • Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu."
  • Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!"
  • Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop."
  • Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."
  • Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."
  • Customer: "Right click?"
  • Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."
i would rather have my stress level be low....
 
giant384 said:
  • Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."
  • Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
  • Customer: "Netscape."
  • Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"
  • Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"
  • Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu."
  • Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!"
  • Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop."
  • Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."
  • Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."
  • Customer: "Right click?"
  • Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."
i would rather have my stress level be low....
Click to expand...

That sounds about like my daily work...*pulls hair out*
 
I was once using the generic telnet program on the library computers to check my mail on UTM (the local university) with Pine. The computer-inept librarian walked up behind me.

* Her: (shrieking) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"
* Me: "I'm checking my email--"
* Her: "It looks like you're breaking into the computer!!"
* Me: "No really -- I'm checking my mail."
* Her: "But that's not HOTMAIL!!"
* Me: "I don't use hotmail. I use--"
* Her: "But EVERYONE uses HOTMAIL!!"
* Me: "No, my account goes through UTM. My email account ends with--"
* Her: "But that's not what MYYY UTM looks like!!" (apparently referring to the UTM web page)
* Me: "Yes, I'm telnetting. It's another way of accessing--"
* Her: "I think you better shut that off. You're breaking into the computer."
* Me: "But I--"
* Her: "Turn it off. I don't believe that 'checking mail' story."
Click to expand...
WRYYYYYYYY
 
* Tech Support: "Ok you should now see a small dialog box on your desktop."
* Customer: "I don't see any box on my desktop."
* Tech Support: "Hmmm, are you sure? It looks like a small window with an 'OK' button in the middle of it."
* Customer: "How can a window be in my desktop?"
* Tech Support: "Sir, what are you looking at?"
* Customer: "My desktop like you asked. There's no box on it, just the computer. However I do have a small window at the top of my wall, but I don't see anything that says 'ok'...."

Thinking quickly, I decided to palm the call off to one of our younger support technicians, deciding this would be the perfect "field trip" for him. I told the customer we would have a technician drop by on site that afternoon to help him.

The following is what the unsuspecting young technician experienced.

The customer's house appeared to be in the middle of nowhere: there was nothing but barren land for miles in all directions. As he approached the house, he noticed a ring of cows, dogs, chickens, and pigs running loose and circling the house making an awful noise.

As he approached the house, he noticed a dead, half eaten animal near the front of the house. Later, he learned, whenever the customer needed to feed his dogs, he would step outside and shoot a calf.

Entering the house, the young technician noticed a very large pet door in the door. This was so the dogs and pigs could come and go as they pleased.

Inside the house was absolute filth. Mud and grime covered the floor and the walls, pigs lay on the couch, and dogs sat on the recliner chairs. The stench of filth was unbearable.

The customer took the technician to the back room, where the computer had been set up. A chicken was nesting on top of the monitor and droppings were running down the side.

It was too much. He ran, terrified out of his wits, and never looked back. Later the tech called me from his home, where he was still trying to wash the stench from his clothes. He hadn't been in our ex-customer's house for even five minutes, and his clothes were ruined
Click to expand...

talk about a modern person
 
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