Tell me what ya think!

[Dsty2001]

This is a poem I wrote a few minutes ago.

Good times and good memories, the variable of a good life
The laughter and the memories spread through the air
The times are simple, and the memories are fresh
Life couldn't get any better, the pleasures of flesh
Her hair smells like roses, her eyes make you want to melt
You cannot lose her, therefor you will lose yourself
She means the world to you, and nothing else.
Life becomes complicated, your time with her starts to diminish
It seems as if the world, is out to seek vengence
You can't stop screaming, but the noise Is not heard
The screams fill your mind, your time with her is done.
It seems as if the world has gave you the best, and took it away
The time has come, to put her picture away
There is other fish in the sea, and you will soon learn
That the circle of love, shoves a few curves

 

[Murray_H]

Originally posted by Dsty2001
This is a poem I wrote a few minutes ago.

Good times and good memories, the variables of a good life
The laughter and the memories spread through the air
The times are simple, and the memories are fresh
Life couldn't get any better, the pleasures of flesh
Her hair smells like roses, her eyes make you want to melt
You cannot lose her, therefore you will lose yourself
She means the world to you, there is nothing else.
Life becomes complicated, your time with her starts to Different word
It seems as if the world, is out to seek vengence
You can't stop screaming, but the noise Is not heard
The screams fill your mind, your time with her is done.
It seems as if the world has gave you the best, and took it away
The time has come, to put her picture Repeated on the previous line
There are other fish in the sea, and you will soon learn
That the circle of love, shoves a few curves Unsure of meaning

Thats what i would change, but other than that, sounds good!

 

[Dsty2001]

Unsure of meaning part-
The Circle of Love is a circle, which is one big curve, get it now?

 

[LoneDeranger]

I think it's good.

 

[Murray_H]

its the shoves a few curves, it confuses me

 

[LoneDeranger]

Originally posted by Murray_H
its the shoves a few curves, it confuses me

I think he meant "shows"

 

[Dsty2001]

Shoves a few curves means the Circle of Love shoves a few curves - EXP: Circle is a continuous curve

It's a personification

 

[NSPIRE]

Not bad. I'm gonna' post some of my poetry on here later tonight