Terribly awful science jokes

[Atomic_Piggy]

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20080105

 

[Eejit]

Two atoms walking down the street.
First atom says, wait a second - I've lost an electron!
Second atoms says, are you sure?
First atom says, yep, I'm positive.




And there's more where that came from!

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Two atoms walking down the street.
First atom says, wait a second - I've lost an electron!
Second atoms says, are you sure?
First atom says, yep, I'm positive.




And there's more where that came from!

 

[Kyorisu]

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

 

[pistolero!]

Oh god, that's awful.

 

[Eejit]

Chatup line:
If I could be any enzyme I'd be DNA-helicase, so I could unzip your jeans[-genes-].



A man walks into a bar, asks the bartender "Can I get a molecule used for transferring energy within a cell?". Bartender says "Sure, no problem, that'll be 80p"[-ATP-. 80p=80 pence=0.8GBP for you foreigners]

 

[Hectic Glenn]

What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.

I'll get my coat...

 

[Deleted member 56031]

A man walks into a bar, asks the bartender "Can I get a molecule used for transferring energy within a cell?". Bartender says "Sure, no problem, that'll be 80p"[-ATP-. 80p=80 pence=0.8GBP for you foreigners]

Now THAT is bad.

 

[Angry Lawyer]

New Scientist had a load of cheesy science chatup lines the other day.

"Forget what they say about butterflies, you cause a storm when you bat your eyelids"

So, so cheesy.

-Angry Lawyer

 

[Deleted member 56031]

 

[Insano]

Two atoms walking down the street.
First atom says, wait a second - I've lost an electron!
Second atoms says, are you sure?
First atom says, yep, I'm positive.




And there's more where that came from!

That one actually made me laugh. On the other hand, I'm studying chemistry at the moment, so that might be it

 

[Darkside55]

Dee Dee, I heard this great joke! Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!"

 

[Mr Stabby]

Two atoms walking down the street.
First atom says, wait a second - I've lost an electron!
Second atoms says, are you sure?
First atom says, yep, I'm positive.




And there's more where that came from!

That's the only science joke I knew before reading this thread.

 

[nurizeko]

Oh gawwd.

*reads anyway*

 

[JNightshade]

"Baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."

 

[Stigmata]

Dee Dee, I heard this great joke! Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!"

 

[Polaris]

Best science joke ever by Stephen Hawking.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=t_Im9OgMVrs

 

[delusional]

I can't believe I got it...

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

 

[Deleted member 56031]

I got it....after a minute.

 

[Eejit]

Ahh, Hawking. What a legend.

 

[Wanted Bob]

Haha, thats a horrible joke

Math jokes are almost as bad...

 

[Stigmata]

Let's add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

:naughty:

 

[Insano]

Engineer jokes are often quite entertaining.

http://www.inflection-point.com/jokes.php

 

[Deadpan]

I don't get Hawking's joke. I feel inferior..

 

[Avoidist]

Ye know little about quantum mechanics. Observing an object collapses the probability wave of that object to a definite outcome, such as trying to locate the position of an electron in "orbit" around it's respective nucleus.

Hawking wins.

 

[function9]

I'm sure some of these are old, I've heard them years ago:

http://www.psych.upenn.edu/~mims/FUNNY/engineerjokes.html

And a math joke I heard a few weeks ago (it's bad):
What do you get when you divide a Jack O'Lantern's circumference by it's diameter?






Pumpkin pi.

 

[Angry Lawyer]

Man, Hawking is a legend

-Angry Lawyer

 

[mindless_moder]

how do you get a mathematician off your front porch?

Spoiler

pay him for the pizza

 

[Raziaar]

EDIT: Removed it. since you added it in a spoiler.

I got it right though... but only because I looked it up!

 

[mindless_moder]

<jercos> Geekthras: I don't know much about factorials... can I get a couple of pointers?
<Geekthras> jercos: 0x3A28213A 0x6339392C, 0x7363682E

what ? i thought it was pretty funny .

 

[xcellerate]

my astro teacher used this two in clas:

Blue stars burn hotter than red ones...this is why physicists are always burning themselves with water faucets.

or


Jupiter is made up of gas which is less dense than water, so if you put it in a big bath tub it would float. But when you removed it, it would leave rings.

I actually boo'd him in class when he made that last one.