The End of Uwe Boll

CptStern

CptStern

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"You know how Uwe Boll is incapable of making a good movie, and yet somehow always manages to get funding for his next project? And how we've all been wondering how or earth he can still find suckers willing to give him money? Well, it turns out that Uwe is the sucker - you see, German tax law is such that people who see fit to invest in movies receive "a hefty tax write off on funds invested [in] failed films." So basically, Germans with knowledge of obscure tax law have been lining up to invest in Boll's films - I mean, the chances of them being succesful is basically nil, right? "

"Effective January 2006 German films that lose money will be only that, German films that lose money. No more incentive to invest in bad films means Boll's stream of investors has just dried up. Better learn to make a decent film that turns a profit, Doc, or your career just went up in smoke ."




ah the only good news of the day
 
This is like the reincarnation of Jesus, only better
 
You guys are noobs, Uwe Boll is a genius! He's avant-guarde, that's all.
 
Gunner said:
You guys are noobs, Uwe Boll is a genius! He's avant-guarde, that's all.
Click to expand...
So if I shit in a toddler's mouth and call it art, I'm avant-guarde?

Or am I just plain sick and weird as people would tell me
 
C'mon admit it, the scene where Christian Slater makes sweet love to Tara Reid to a Youssou Noudour song in Alone in the Dark is the greatest moment in modern cinema!
 
The next Uwe block-buster
PONG THE MOVIE!
Then the sequil:
PONG 2: TETRIS INVASION!
 
ríomhaire said:
The next Uwe block-buster
PONG THE MOVIE!
Then the sequil:
PONG 2: TETRIS INVASION!
Click to expand...
jesus, if he gets ahold of this, I'm gonna blame you for the end of the world.
 
Que-Ever said:
jesus, if he gets ahold of this, I'm gonna blame you for the end of the world.
Click to expand...
uwe_RLY.jpg
 
my prayers have been answered, games cannot be made into movies to that calibre of suckyness until the next loophole is found, and there seems to be a whole thread devoted to a naked jessica alba, which surely cannot be fake.
 
Septih said:
my prayers have been answered, games cannot be made into movies to that calibre of suckyness until the next loophole is found, and there seems to be a whole thread devoted to a naked jessica alba, which surely cannot be fake.
Click to expand...
it is, actually...
 
Good job Stern, good find too! No more stupid movies from this Jerk!! I'm pretty happy now.
 
Stern always finds a way to bring good news :thumbs:
finally someone noticed this moron's horrible work and took action.
 
Hmm checking details of his movies
House of the Dead : Made 2 million
Alone in the dark: Lost 13 million (so far)
 
THANK YOU! For showing us this great bit of news! This asswipe will be making No More movies hopefully. Whos next in line for the cutting?
 
this is clearly proof that God does in fact exist and he recognizes crap when he sees it, he's just a little slow to act sometimes
 
Icarusintel said:
this is clearly proof that God does in fact exist and he recognizes crap when he sees it, he's just a little slow to act sometimes
Click to expand...
IN YOUR FACE ABSINTHE!


Just kidding :p
 
http://uk.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Holy sh!t, Uwe's got to finish one movie and make three others before January next year. Can he do it? Will he make is last bundle? Or fall at the last hurdle? Tune in next week to find out.
 
Beerdude26 said:
IN YOUR FACE ABSINTHE!


Just kidding :p
Click to expand...

Oh c'mon. What kind of loving God would have allowed this monstrosity to have existed for so long?

I'm betting that the Lord is simply lulling us into a temporary sense of security before unleashing all nine levels of Hell upon us.
 
naww, he's simply testing our faith. and you failed :|
 
Uwe Boll's career is up in Heaven high-fiving Jesus as we speak. They know what's coming...
 
Now that I've seen his picture, I kind of feel sorry for him, he doesn't look like a twat, he just doesn't have the skill to make good movies.
 
yes but why video games? and why film? surely he could have done local tv or local movies ...why did he have to further butcher an industry struggling to be taken seriously by hollywood
 
Ultimately he's just a poor guy who loves computer games and wants to make films about them. Unfortunately he's crap, and since he completely failed after the first time, he should have maybe taken the hint and at least tried to get better at film-making in a way that wouldn't destroy the credibility of potentially lucrative brands.
 
Sulkdodds said:
Ultimately he's just a poor guy who loves computer games and wants to make films about them. Unfortunately he's crap, and since he completely failed after the first time, he should have maybe taken the hint and at least tried to get better at film-making in a way that wouldn't destroy the credibility of potentially lucrative brands.
Click to expand...

obviously he hasnt read any of the trade press or even learned from his mistakes:


Dungeon Siege Split into 2 films: Uwe Boll: "simply too epic to be confined by one film".

the 1st movie is called:

"In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege Tale"

wtf? who writes this crap? the title alone will pretty much guarentee that mainstream audiences will bypass this disaster-in-waiting of a film
 
that's exactly my point. how could he possibly stretch 3 hours of film from source material that can be summed up in one sentence?
 
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