The Jigsaw Killer is having a good day

[Adrik_Senturu]

"There are five pies in this room, one of them has a key to escape. But if you eat too much pie too fast, you'll get a tummy ache. Take your time and leave enough for everyone else."

"You like to cut your wrists even though you're life isn't that bad. So you will be locked in this room with this therapist until you can work your life problems out and go on with your life."

"You will be forced to listen to christian rock for 3 days. But if you don't like that kind of music you can just change the station. Also you can leave early if you're busy"

"This room is locked. The key to the lock is at the bottom of this pile of kittens. If you fail to reach the key in time, the kittens will be let loose. You have one hour."

Spoiler

If you haven't figured it out, or have no idea what im talking about, the Saw movies always start with the guy telling the victim about whatever device it is there strapped too, and tells them they have blah blah time to get out, but today the Jigsaw killer is feeling kind of nice. So lets do this

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

"You're locked in a room with Adrik. You have 1 hour to learn his caveman ways. If you fail, you will have to grow a beard. Get to it."

 

[Qonfused]

You are forced to lie in a hammock on a sunny day in the spring. When you are done, try to not land on your butt getting out. If you don't get out of the hammock, you'll miss dinner. Make your choice.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

For the longest time you have been unable to make meatloaf the right way. Across from you is a table with all the necessary ingredients, and a recipe. You have one hour to make a proper meatloaf and free yourself from this illusion you call a life. You may use the oven to your left. Make sure you clean up after you leave.

Let the games begin.

 

[VirusType2]

You are trapped on an internet forum. Everyone is explaining how to escape, but none of the explanations are appropriate for the situation.

You have just minutes to figure it out before you become confused.

 

[lefty]

You have a jump rope tied to your hand.

Hop to it.

 

[Krynn72]

You're presented with six unmarked sticks of deodorant lined up from left to right. Only one of them contains the deodorant you like. Which one do you choose?

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

Tollbooth Willie, For the past ten years you have masturbated furiously. At least once a day. Sometimes, on 'marathon' days as you so disgustingly call them, up to twenty five times an hour. Seriously dude, what the ****.

I have captured two hundred heterosexual men and chained them around you. I know they're not just faking it because look dude I'm a talking clown puppet, okay. I can like, see their ****ing chakra auras and shit, just don't even ****ing question it.

One of these men ejaculates keys.


Have fun.

 

[Qonfused]

You are trapped on an internet forum. Everyone is explaining how to escape, but none of the explanations are appropriate for the situation.

You have just minutes to figure it out before you become confused.

I'm one and only, baby.

 

[Shamrock]

Everyone is in your room. You aren't in it. You have one minute to figure out what's inside the pockets of the man wearing the Zoot Suit in your room.

Decide your fate.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

You have spent your entire life playing video games and watching anime DVDs. I have taken all your precious video games and anime DVDs and locked them in this cardboard safe, accessible only by a key I placed inside your lungs. But the key is a metaphor really. There's no lock on the safe. Also I was very lazy and didn't even put your games and movies in the safe, they're still there on the bookshelf so, you know, whatever.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

You came into this thread thinking that there was a real life Jigsaw copycat, you were only partially correct. If you want to leave the thread alive, you simply hit the back button, go to another URL, or close the window. Decisions, decisions.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Tollbooth Willie, For the past ten years you have masturbated furiously. At least once a day. Sometimes, on 'marathon' days as you so disgustingly call them, up to twenty five times an hour. Seriously dude, what the ****.

I have captured two hundred heterosexual men and chained them around you. I know they're not just faking it because look dude I'm a talking clown puppet, okay. I can like, see their ****ing chakra auras and shit, just don't even ****ing question it.

One of these men ejaculates keys.


Have fun.

DID YOU EVER THINK I MIGHT NOT ENJOY MEN YOU ******?

You're in a bunny suit in the middle of the ocean. A baby swims by with the aide of a puffer fish wearing a t-shirt with an elephant and a peanut printed on it, but there's one problem: the peanut is Ted Nugent disguised as David Bowie's mother. You're good on oxygen and food and water, but the baby is a wizard. He can not grant any wishes to instantly put you back home, but he can give you something to aide your journey. Floating beside you is a large crate full of fish and dugongs with a disco ball at the bottom and a flashlight on top. Shamrock is with you, but he is half retarded, while Stigmata is holding you up on his shoulders with a cherry picker. The disco ball is the only thing standing between you and your free trip home. If you take the disco ball, you could wind up in ZombieTurtle's kitchen. If you refuse, you'll live for eternity in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with John Goodman and Kurt Russel. They have poker games every night with John Wayne and Roman Polanski. Jintor is there with you. You have all the time you need to fish for a sock containing the Fiskerton Beast's dirty laundry to bet during the poker game. Godzilla will be there to make sure you don't get cheated, but Dick Van Dyke is a stool monkey.

Make your time.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

What the shit dude. lol.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

Hello Willie,

Before you were placed in this room I asked you to write on a sheet of paper what your dream was, on it you wrote "to ride around the world in a submarine yacht with a trillion dollars and cool guns and shit and to have scarlett johansson come along" you also drew what the yacht would look like and a short list of your favorite guns, and for some reason the ingredients to your favorite burrito.

Well in this game, we shall see what it is like to have your dreams come true.

In the cabinet to your left is a key, that key will unlock one of two doors, in one of the doors is your submarine yacht, scarlett johansson, a trillion dollars, cool guns, and i decided to also get that burrito, in the other door, is a hallway that leads to the room with the yacht and stuff. I forgot which door is which so just try both or something.

See you later.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Can I use a baby's tooth?

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

No.

Hello Jackson family, I have been watching you, and you could be considered "disfunctional". In front of you is the board game monopoly. You must finish the entirety of the game without arguing or getting frustrated and quitting. Let the games begin

 

[lefty]

Hello Dave. I borrowed your CD but I accidentally scratched it. Now half the tracks skip. I left like, fifteen bucks on the table. Make your choice.

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

You are locked in a small, dark, windowless room. There is a flashlight hanging from the ceiling directly in front of you. The key is already in the door. You have 24 hours.

 

[Acepilotf14]

There are five thousand spinning dogs in the room, and if you touch one of them, you get an infraction. You must edit all of your posts before you accumulate 15 infraction points. Here is the edit button. Get to it.

 

[highlander]

oh this thread is very very lol

 

[kineaesth]

Hello.

In front of you is a kitten. It is covered in syrup. It is mewing. If you pick it up and stroke it, you will get syrup on you. But you can lick it off your hands, and there is a washing machine in the corner. If you do not stroke the kitten, it will eat a fish and be very pleased.

CHOOSE.

 

[Shamrock]

There are seven midgets standing atop a platform 3 inches off the ground. You have seven hats with you. The midgets don't know where they live. You have a Harlem Globe Trotter spinning a basketball behind your back. The midgets smell like bacon. You don't know what time it is. The midgets feel the aeronautical museum of Ohio is sub par to the one in Kentucky. You have a dog named Fido at your home in Wisconsin.


Are the eggs real?

 

[lefty]

So the seven dwarves were letting Snow White stay at their house in the woods. She had explained the situation to them and they agreed to let her live there. Anyawy, the dwarves would go to work in the mines, and Snow White would stay at home and sweep and make sandwiches 'n shit. After this went on for a while, a sudden realization hit all seven dwarves pretty much simultaneously- they had a woman living in their hovel. No more nights of trying to ignore the guy next to you masturbating in bed. No more "accidental" bumping in the lunch lines. The dwarves discussed this, and came up with a plan.

The next night, a Wednesday, was the day they knew that Snow White liked to take her bath. On their way to the mines that morning, they informed Snow White that they'd be out late. She didn't question them, and they went off to work. Needless to say, mining was not very profitable that day, as everyone's minds were elsewhere.

After dark they crept up to their hovel and gathered around the back of the house, where they knew Snow White's room was, on the second floor. After some arguing and several failed attempts, the dwarves stood on one another's shoulders with Doc at the very top. He would describe what he saw through Snow White's window to the others below.

Right on schedule, Snow White began to prepare for her bath. Doc peered through the clean glass (Snow White had done her job well).

"She's takin' off her dress!" He whispered.
"She's takin' off her dress!"
"She's takin' off her dress!"
"She's takin' off her dress!"
"She's takin' off her dress!"
"She's takin' off her dress!"
"Weee-ooo!"

"Nice ass," Doc informed them.
"Nice ass!"
"Nice ass!"
"Nice ass!"
"Nice ass!"
"Nice ass!"
"All right!"

"She's takin' off her bra!" Doc muttered.
"She's takin' off her bra!"
"She's takin' off her bra!"
"She's takin' off her bra!"
"She's takin' off her bra!"
"She's takin' off her bra!"
"Sweet!"

"Nice tits," Doc commented.
"Nice tits!"
"Nice tits!"
"Nice tits!"
"Nice tits!"
"Nice tits!"
"Real perky."

"Oh No!" Doc exclaimed. "Someone's coming!"
"Me Too!"
"Me Too!"
"Me Too!"
"Me Too!"
"Me Too!"









"OH GOD"

 

[kineaesth]

Oh, excellent.

 

[lefty]

Oh, I forgot. One of them is playing with their asshole with a key or something. Forty-Five minutes, yadda yadda.

 

[VoXQuA]

"There are five pies in this room, one of them has a key to escape. But if you eat too much pie too fast, you'll get a tummy ache. Take your time and leave enough for everyone else."

"You will be forced to listen to christian rock for 3 days. But if you don't like that kind of music you can just change the station. Also you can leave early if you're busy"

"This room is locked. The key to the lock is at the bottom of this pile of kittens. If you fail to reach the key in time, the kittens will be let loose. You have one hour."

Yes. Yes.

 

[Bad^Hat]

You have spent your entire life not watching Saw movies.

So, y'know. Carry on.

 

[Saturos]

You are tricked into eating a humongous meal, only to be captured. A funnel is straped to your mouth with liquid laxative pouring down your throat every minute. Underneath is a scale wired to a bomb set to blow within 24 hours. You have within that amount of time to fill the scale with enough feces to disarm the bomb.

...That's really gross. I know. But there are plenty of gross jigsaw sadists out there somewhere willing to try this on some hapless victim. :upstare:

 

[Kula Meenur]

"Saturos, you have spent your entire life wearing dragon shirts whilst others look on with disdain. As a fitting trial, you will need to iron five thousand of these shirts within a period of fifty days. But you can give up anytime if the iron isn't hot enough."

Tollbooth Willie, For the past ten years you have masturbated furiously. At least once a day. Sometimes, on 'marathon' days as you so disgustingly call them, up to twenty five times an hour. Seriously dude, what the ****.

I have captured two hundred heterosexual men and chained them around you. I know they're not just faking it because look dude I'm a talking clown puppet, okay. I can like, see their ****ing chakra auras and shit, just don't even ****ing question it.

One of these men ejaculates keys.


Have fun.

OMGLOL.



soz Willeh.

 

[Seppo]

Funny thread