the Mall Ninjas will save you!!

[Nat Turner]

http://www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja.html

Funniest stuff I've seen in a while. Basically a rent-a-cop thinking the mall is the most dangerous place in the world, and that his job as a security guard is a great responsibility and that he must save everyone from the evil murderers, skinheads, Crips and rapists. He asks for advice on gun forums.

This guy may be for real, nobody can tell. (stuff below copy and pasted)

"...As of late I have taken to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of my back where the heart and vital organs are located... although tactically sound, is hot and painful to remove.." Lol

"..What I am worried about is repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition.." hehehe!

"...BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head..."

"..The plan is that I shield us with my body and "catch the rounds" while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire. The problem, of course, is when I have to turn my back to run, and then the problem crops up. ..." NO DOUBT!!!

"... Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day..."

(For this tough assignment he wants:

3) MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights;
2) G36 rifles using SS109 rounds;
3) Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig
1) PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308
1) Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we
lose power in the building.
3) Glock 27 backup guns
3) Kahr P-9 holdout
WOW!!)

".. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls...." LOL,.. Whewwww!!

"..I don't think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared.." He's got that right!

and finally,

"..If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God..."

I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as "Ninja" laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true "Ninja". But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5's are junk comparatively.

 

[Glirk Dient]

Haha great read! Man...workin as security at the mall is dangerous business!

 

[Dan]

It would be funnier if it were a video shot in documentary style

 

[Nat Turner]

"

The MP5 is carried discreetly, under the seats of the electric transportation cart

Uhmm would this be an electric golf cart by chance? Just wondering how it is that you properly secure a MP5 under the seat of a golf cart when you leave it to check the temp of french frys at the food court? And how does it stay in place while your zipping around corners at break neck speeds chasing kids on scooters?"

rofl.

 

[Razor]

"

And how does it stay in place while your zipping around corners at break neck speeds chasing kids on scooters?"

He most probably pulls it out then and places it in his right hand and steers with his left.