the No Shit Sherlock thread of the day

[CptStern]

remember this thread?

A vulnerable man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.

David Phyall?s severed head was found beside the power tool inside his housing association flat shortly after receiving his eviction notice.

Detectives were today investigating the possibility that the 58-year-old killed himself rather than leave his home of eight years.

well the cornors office finally came out with a cause death, get ready for this ... he cut his head off with a chainsaw

LONDON - A British man committed suicide by cutting off his own head with a chainsaw, an inquest into his death found Wednesday.

David Phyall, 50, took his own life because he was "irrationally opposed" to leaving his home, which had been repossessed, Deputy Coroner Simon Burge said at Winchester Coroner's Court in southern England.

OMG REALLY? wtf who do they have working in the coronors office? three retards and a blind guy? it took 3 months to determine this?


the cornors office was heading in the right direction however had they put their heads together they might have come to the heady conclusion sooner:

"He thought through how he was going to commit suicide very carefully. He went to a great deal of trouble."

Phyall, who had been drinking alcohol but not taken any drugs, tied the chainsaw to the leg of a snooker table with a string, covered the "on" button with tape, and plugged it into a timer normally used to turn lights on and off.

He then lay down under the table face up and placed the tool against his neck. The chainsaw sliced three-quarters through his neck, only stopping because his t-shirt became caught in the blades.

ouchy

http://www.canada.com/theprovince/news/story.html?id=0d53ea86-1343-4073-b24b-ecfbe703a390

 

[CyberPitz]

That sounds....mildly unpleasant.

 

[Eejit]

Yeah, but how did he die?

 

[Ravioli]

Yeah, but how did he die?

Its a mystery, that chainsaw was really close, not much of a killing device i guess.

 

[CptStern]

I'm no coroner but from the available evidence I'd make an educated guess that -now dont call me crazy- he used a chainsaw to cut off his head

 

[Harryz]

Since when was committing suicide so much effort these day. A simple gun shot to the head would have sufficed.

 

[Sam]

He was British. Most of us don't have guns lying about.

I like that his neck was shredded by it, but his t-shirt was too tough for the chainsaw to cut.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

****ing hardcore. Man's suicide.

 

[Darkside55]

The chainsaw sliced three-quarters through his neck

Now he won't be invited to the Headless Hunt.

 

[Laivasse]

Since when was committing suicide so much effort these day. A simple gun shot to the head would have sufficed.

I've heard of people blowing out both their eyes and surviving (with the classic temple shot to the head), or shooting their entire face off and still being alive when the ambulance arrived. Suicide by gun isn't necessarily all that simple...

 

[CptStern]

most effective if the barrel is placed in the mouth pointing upwards (shotgun perferably) ..a former police officer did this ..the force of the blast shot chunks into his neighbours yard (he was in his backyard) and on to his 3rd story balcony

absolute fail proof:

a jumper jumped out of an apartment from the 22nd floor ..they were finding skull fagments 100 yards from the point of impact

 

[Kyorisu]

1. Take a dump before the event.
2. Sit in a corner.
3. Place shotgun in mouth as CptStern has suggested.
4. Pull trigger.

 

[Eejit]

But how did he manage to chainsaw his own head off?

 

[lefty]

Experts suspect a chainsaw may have been used in this brutal chainsaw suicide.

 

[CptStern]

But how did he manage to chainsaw his own head off?

he macgyver'd it

 

[Eejit]

Was it fatal if it only went 3/4 of the way through?

 

[CptStern]

"I'm not smiling, I cut myself with a chainsaw"


he's a ****ing pez dispenser

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

Was it fatal if it only went 3/4 of the way through?

You try it and let us know how it goes.

 

[Eejit]

Umm, I'll let xendance do it. I have chainsawophobia.

 

[JBails]

This seems like a case for Captain State The Obvious...

 

[NeptuneUK]

From the department of the bleeding obvious:
'People are more likely to binge on comfort food when they are sad than when they are happy'
- From a study by the University of Mississippi, University of Pittsburgh.





We should form our own such department.

 

[MJ12]

I wouldn't call this a "no shit Sherlock instance", most investigations are reviewed and then reported this way.

What did you expect. "Hmm, he may have committed suicide with this chainsaw."

"PSH, NO SHIT?! AHAH"

"Well we should do some investigation firs-"

"AHAHAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU DO THAT!"

 

[Dekstar]

A vulnerable man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.

The rather short first draft of Douglas Adam's Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy before they told him the story should go on a bit.

 

[Nitre]

I think that there was probably a lot more time used on this case than necessary.

 

[el Chi]

I'm no coroner but from the available evidence I'd make an educated guess that -now dont call me crazy- he used a chainsaw to cut off his head

That's what THEY want you to think.

Personally, I suspect it was Reverend Green in the ballroom with the candlestick.

 

[kineaesth]

Now he won't be invited to the Headless Hunt.

Such a nerd. I love it.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

1. Take a dump before the event.
2. Sit in a corner.
3. Place shotgun in mouth as CptStern has suggested.
4. Pull trigger.

"The event" some reason I thought of concert.

Also lol @ eejit not getting that a chainsaw going 75% through your neck is going to kill you.

 

[Sam]

That's what THEY want you to think.

Personally, I suspect it was Reverend Green in the ballroom with the candlestick.

Colonel Mustard did it with Miss Scarlet in the dining room.

 

[Bad^Hat]

If there is any injustice in this world, it's that the pills guy in the other thread filmed himself and this guy didn't.