The Rain Drops on the Window

[Teh_Poet]

Do you think this is a good poem? And do you think there is any way to improve it?

The rain drops on the window,
I’m finally alone.
The day has given so much pain,
Although it is not shown.

The rain drops on the window,
My suffering won’t leave.
My torment just won’t go away,
This is my time to grieve.

The rain drops on the window,
This time alone has helped.
It gave me time to convalesce,
It gave me time to rest.

The rain drops on the window,
I am now renewed.
Ready to face another day,
Thanks to my solitude.

 

[CREMATOR666]

It sounded to me
That you are without glee
Do you intend
The poem to send
A depressing image?

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Why does the third verse not rhyme, where as the others do.

 

[StardogChampion]

Why does the third verse not rhyme, where as the others do.

It kind of does.

EDIT: Thought you meant last, oops.

 

[Dalamari]

I got a good one...

Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean....

 

[KoreBolteR]

nice poem, except you seem to have an obsession with the raindrops on the window

the rain drops on the window
i smile with delight
ive lost my winning lottery ticket,
i set myself alight.

..hmm nah doesnt sound right
im no poet ;(

 

[SimonomiS]

I got a good one...

Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean....

:O thats brilliant so far! Whats the rest?

 

[SpuD]

I got a good one...

Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean....

my eyes will soon be turnin' red.

:O thats brilliant so far! Whats the rest?

its an old song

 

[CREMATOR666]

In my opinion I feel
Like the poem's peeled
For no sense is found
Not here or around
Did you write it just
To make rhyme a must?
Because if you do
That would smell like glue
WTF?!

 

[oldagerocker]

farrow was right, this last line in the third verse doesn't sound right, it really sticks out at you.

The rain drops on the window,
This time alone has helped.
It gave me time to convalesce,
It gave me time to rest.

The rain drops on the window,
This time alone was comfort.
It gave me time to convalesce,
It gave me time to rest.


I'm no poet, i dont know It just sounds like you need another thing, cant remember what its called... err, the sounds words are made up of in the last line.

 

[Yuri]

Damn, you must be really upset about something.

;(

 

[Teh_Poet]

Damn, you must be really upset about something.

;(

Yeah, it's a long story. ;(

But this is a good way to vent, writing poems.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Is this a better 3rd verse?

The rain drops on the window,
This time alone gave rest.
It gave me time to sort my thoughts,
It helped me convalesce.

 

[oldagerocker]

Yeah, allot better