Top 12 homocides

[Gray Fox]

Ok, I saw this topic on the flamehaus forum and you can find it here , I have no idea if it is true, but it sure is wierd.

Every year the FBI is asked to investigate over 36,000 Serious
Crimes including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the
Homicide Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the
year.

1 - Alan Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a
20-inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's
strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of
fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alan's
anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe
bleeding.

2- Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed
the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road
with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair
was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3- Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old
daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young
Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should
and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's
coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt
she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother
using the same method one month later.

4- David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he
attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with
doublebarrelled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends') father had
given it to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

5-Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing
to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had
been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she
wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target.
She just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers
stated in his report.

7- Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael
because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with
the broken aerial.

8- Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with
the neighbour. Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

9- Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two timing wife by
loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. Several persons heard the explosion some up to 14 kilometres away. No traces of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55-meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road.

10- Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour in the
early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour, Falt Hame, for years
had a mounted F4 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property.
Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about
the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately.Not liking this he invited Miss
Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter
didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000 degrees, killing her instantly,
and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

11 - Michael Lewis, angry with his gay boyfriend, used the movie,
Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend,
Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in
a double-sided white board that read Death to all Ni****rs! on one
side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the
victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later
Berry was deceased.

12- Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother
Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home
after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and
had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the
house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process...

 

[Foxtrot]

Why is the FBI using the metric system?

 

[Gray Fox]

Why is the FBI using the metric system?

Cause it's probably fake, but no matter it's funny and yet disturbing to read

 

[Foxtrot]

Cause it's probably fake, but no matter it's funny and yet disturbing to read

Yup, number 10 was pretty funny.

 

[Shakermaker]

Errrr, it's homicides, not homocides. People might get the wrong idea ....

 

[Insano]

I read it last year, it isn't real

 

[Raziaar]

What? A fake article without a guy named Mike Hunt? Blasphemy.

 

[Feath]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.htm

 

[B-MAn]

5-Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing
to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had
been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

LOL he must love HL2-DM

 

[The Monkey]

11 - Michael Lewis, angry with his gay boyfriend, used the movie,
Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend,
Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in
a double-sided white board that read Death to all Ni****rs! on one
side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the
victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later
Berry was deceased.

This one rocks though.

 

[Direwolf]

5-Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing
to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had
been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

I admire both these fictional men. The one, for getting away with it so long, and the other, for carrying through every business mans' dream.

 

[StardogChampion]

Doesn't flamehaus = h l 2 wo r l d? I say we mask it with ******'s aswell.

 

[Ol'Master]

12- Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process...

Isn't this almost identical to a Simpson's plot (Where Sideshow Bob tries to kill Selma)?

 

[DiSTuRbEd]

This one rocks though.

Yeah I was laughing pretty hard at that one.

 

[mortiz]

11 - Michael Lewis, angry with his gay boyfriend, used the movie,
Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend,
Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in
a double-sided white board that read Death to all Ni****rs! on one
side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the
victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later
Berry was deceased.

I suppose you could say that one is a homocide.

 

[Shamrock]

Isn't this almost identical to a Simpson's plot (Where Sideshow Bob tries to kill Selma)?

Actually, you are correct. Except Selma escaped because of something to do with McGuyver and Bart figuring everything out. You are definetly right.

 

[SimonomiS]

Sweet Jesus, do people even sell 20 inch vibrators??!!?

 

[MarcoPollo]

That one with the C4 lmao!

 

[sabre0001]

How do you find 500m of "missing road".

Amazingly disturbing list anyways.

 

[iyfyoufhl]

wow, again, wow

 

[SupremePain]

homocide.... lol

16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years (yes 8 years). The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realised just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

that one made me rofl for about 5 mins.

 

[SimonomiS]

homocide.... lol


that one made me rofl for about 5 mins.

Toilet'd!
Guess he wouldn't have got his rent money...

 

[SupremePain]

Toilet'd!
Guess he wouldn't have got his rent money...

I know, I don't get bookys that kill people either.... why? That's just plain bad buisness....

 

[Qonfused]

All of 'em are hilarious.

...

20in. vibrator.

...

Ow.