uh, hey guys. need some help again...

[evil^milk]

frist off i'll start with a little background info. okay, ever since i was 14 and a half i changed schools. generally i've always been a non-talkative guy, and i take my time to make new friends (can't really trust anyone till i "know for sure") but... dyring the past few months i have to admit the thing has gotten worse.

so yeah. at the start i made new friends, none you can call the people you'd trust with everything you have.

well, it's a long story so i'll just get to it.

i'm 15 now, i've become almost completely antisocial due to myself. i feel the new friends i made last year don't even know me, and it's because of me, i know it... i've never been perfectly honest with them, perfectly stupid with them, haven't had fun with them, etc.

today i went to a formal party (don't know what it's called... it's when some girl becomes 15) from a girl i knew a long time ago. so hey i say. i just felt awkward. being in an empty space with a few people i didn't know made me feel... strange. uneasy. that always happens. so some other guy i knew from long ago comes, and i greet him and stuff and we talk about guitars. strangely, i can alMOST talk to him normally, but it's only because i knew him from long ago. then the girl who "becomes 15" sees me, and my friend tells me to go with her, so we go, and i kiss her on the cheek, blah-blah-blah, poop. so then, my friend and i go to some table where some girls that i used to know were sitting. my friend started talking to one of them, and all the time i was trying to "get into" the conversation, but i just felt... invisible. it's this feeling of trying to make your way in into something but you can't. so then i sorta talked to this girl while my friend left for a bit, and i just found talking to her weird. eben my voice didn't sound right, i didn't know what to say. so then some other guys start leaking in. time passes, and i've already greeted most of them, and they're having fun and shit. thye're talking, like i expect they would. and then, the main girl starts dancing with her dad, *applauses from the crowd* and some of my friends go and dance with her. i can just stare and do nothing more. then i decided to take a random cookie, just as everyone else was doing, and aet it. "hey," i thought. i can DO something. so i put the cookie in my mouth and i thought it was the worst mistake i could've done that night. my mouth was dry and i had a hard time swallowing it. when i got over that i drank some coke. that was a few of the things i could do, other than write some messages with my cell phone. then, some more people came, and i just felt weird. more uneasy. nervous, like hell. i felt the heat rise in me, i couldn't stay. i looked at everyone else once, and left. i was so relieved to be outside, to have some space for myself. i called my dad, who wasn't very happy to have to pic me up so early. i lied i felt bad.

i don't know what 's wrong. it didn't use to be like this. i used to go out with real friends and have fun.

anyhow, that 'sint the problem now... i jst feel guilty that i haven't trusted my firends,so i guess i owe them an apology. i've known them for so long, yet i feel like i've never known them and they've never known me. besides if i apologize, it'll just be weird, you know. to say sorry for not being able to trust them... what'll they think. what do you guys think about this?

hey, what do you know, i'm a loser. woot.

 

[Death.Trap]

Sounds Like You've been reading the story of my life. I know exactly how you feel. heh...im just not brave enough to post about it

 

[DoctorGordon]

Say nothing to them, become independent, unless they are really useful.

 

[Adrien C]

Humm, feel the same bud, Mexico is full of hypocresy and back stabers, since I've left France, I haven't had a decent conversation with someone, their cultural level is really low. I go out with this "friends" but none I could trust. If all goes well, Canada for me next year.

 

[Yuri]

Hey dude, don't be hard on yourself. There are lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of people your age that have the same exact problems. Like me.

Actually, it wasn't until recently that my social skills have improved. You know what I did? I stopped caring about every little thing that I said or did. I used to hound over "screwing up" in social situations by making people uncomfortable, saying something not funny, or whatever. The fact is, it doesn't matter. Even if you do screw up, people won't care. If they do care, it won't be for very long, and they usually get over it in like a few minutes. If everyone hated everyone for every little mistake they made... everyone would hate everyone. You can't worry about that.

You just need to relax, be yourself, and talk. Talk about what interests you, make jokes that you think are funny, and be yourself. If they don't like it, then you probably wouldn't like them, really.

Works for me.

I hope I could be of some help and not sound like a total asshole

 

[gh0st]

erestheux hit it on the head. i suck at soloing in jazz, or something. playing my trumpet in front of people made me sick, shake all over, anxious nervous.. etc etc. its when you relax, when you just quit giving a damn about what people think, that you can really be yourself and excel at whatever youre doing. its really hard to do, and it will take some practice and you'll probably look awkward... but girls think thats pretty endearing, so its a win win situation for you.

 

[Adrien C]

I forgot to say, Mexicans for some reason, love to make really heavy jokes on their friends, WTF ?

 

[Death.Trap]

Hey dude, don't be hard on yourself. There are lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of people your age that have the same exact problems. Like me.

Actually, it wasn't until recently that my social skills have improved. You know what I did? I stopped caring about every little thing that I said or did. I used to hound over "screwing up" in social situations by making people uncomfortable, saying something not funny, or whatever. The fact is, it doesn't matter. Even if you do screw up, people won't care. If they do care, it won't be for very long, and they usually get over it in like a few minutes. If everyone hated everyone for every little mistake they made... everyone would hate everyone. You can't worry about that.

You just need to relax, be yourself, and talk. Talk about what interests you, make jokes that you think are funny, and be yourself. If they don't like it, then you probably wouldn't like them, really.

Works for me.

I hope I could be of some help and not sound like a total asshole

The only problem I have with that is making myself not care. When I got on vacation, and visit my cousins in washington or wherever, I pretty much don't care what any of their friends think and I'm able to act myself around them. But when I get back to where I live...I sink back into that same problem. I can't pull myself out of it. How did you make yourself not care?

 

[Adrien C]

What pisses me off, is poeple shallowness, just because you are white and have some fancy familly name, people here get horny with that kind of stuff, and they think I'm stupid for not linking that stuff, WTF I say, when you have travelled 5 diferent contrys and lived on your own, I can tell you that I treat that kind of people like shit. The poorest French has more culture than a rich Mexican.

 

[Death.Trap]

What the hell are you doing in mexico?

 

[Yuri]

The only problem I have with that is making myself not care. When I got on vacation, and visit my cousins in washington or wherever, I pretty much don't care what any of their friends think and I'm able to act myself around them. But when I get back to where I live...I sink back into that same problem. I can't pull myself out of it. How did you make yourself not care?

I let myself not care by knowing what will happen if I do care. Would you rather sit there, looking like a loser, twiddling your thumbs with sweaty palms or would you like to socialize, have a good time, and meet some new friends or even some chick you like?

What is the worst that could happen? The people could get uncomfortable and the conversation would end, right? How is that any different from just sitting there without a conversation in the first place?

And keep in mind, if someone makes fun of you or yells at you or anything - they weren't worth talking to in the first place.

 

[Adrien C]

Good question, my parents get bored of life, so they change verything, my dad allways has good ideas, he makes em' get rich, and change his job because he gets bored. He got bored from France so we went to Colombia (WTF), some guerilla wanted to kidnap him, so he left for a while to Mexico, we were supose to join him in Spain, but he liked it, and here am I. I've been travelling alone myself, I can't stand Mexico, so I left one year in Wales and one in France, if all goes well, Canada for me netxt year, ATM I'm looking for boarding schools, if any of you have info about Canada I would apreciate it.

 

[blahblahblah]

The poorest French has more culture than a rich Mexican.

You are more wrong then you can possibly imagine.

 

[hasan]

I think you just have to trian yourself to be "brave" and not worry about what people think of you.
let me guess, do you have other sorts of phobias? like fear of hieghts or something?
I have social phobia, and I also fear highets so much and fear other things.
One of the things I try to do to make myself stronger is jump from a high (what you call it?) jumper in a swimming pool.
the first time I did it I felt like I'm dying .. really. the next time was less scary.

I think this is related, you have fear because something inside you is weak, for example, if somebody is standing right infornt of me and he pulls his hands to do anything, my body uncouniously takes a defensive pose (as if that guy is attacking me).

so yeah, I think for me, it's because I'm a coward somehow, so I try be stronger ..
don't know if that's true for others.

ofcourse it takes time to get rid of it. patience ..

 

[evil^milk]

thanksguys, erestheux, i'll try that... i appreciate it.

hey adrien, i know what you mean about mexico, but don't be so hard on it, lol. what part of mexico did you end up in?

 

[Kyorisu]

I let myself not care by knowing what will happen if I do care. Would you rather sit there, looking like a loser, twiddling your thumbs with sweaty palms or would you like to socialize, have a good time, and meet some new friends or even some chick you like?

What is the worst that could happen? The people could get uncomfortable and the conversation would end, right? How is that any different from just sitting there without a conversation in the first place?

And keep in mind, if someone makes fun of you or yells at you or anything - they weren't worth talking to in the first place.

I have to agree with this thats for sure. During my first two years of High School I used to back away from most arguments like Teachers tell you. That didn't work and left me miserable for the most part. Now I don't care what anyone really thinks about me and have won quite a few battles against a bunch of guys that payed me out. I now have that nice feeling for the ability to stand up for ones self and support from a tonne of people I don't even know.

 

[Hazar]

erestheux hit it on the head. i suck at soloing in jazz, or something. playing my trumpet in front of people made me sick, shake all over, anxious nervous.. etc etc. its when you relax, when you just quit giving a damn about what people think, that you can really be yourself and excel at whatever youre doing. its really hard to do, and it will take some practice and you'll probably look awkward... but girls think thats pretty endearing, so its a win win situation for you.

yes he did, and so did you

I'm a trumpet player too, and you always can tell the good people by how loud they play (with a few exceptions). Yes it does take practice, and yes it does take some talent, but mostly it takes self confidence.

When Erestheux said lots and lots of people have that problem, he was right. I think this entire forum has the problem to a certain extent (individually, I mean). I'm one of the bad ones too, and I need to take the advice given here too.

 

[Yuri]

thanksguys, erestheux, i'll try that... i appreciate it.

No problem, mate. Anytime

What do the mods think of making a Group Therapy Forum? :angel: (I'm kidding, pfft)

 

[Bad^Hat]

Kinda sounds like me. Because of a problem I'm not comfortable talking about, I've become completely anti-social. It's something I've been dealing with for over three years now, and it's the absolute worst thing in the ****ing world. Because of it, I can't go out with friends, I can't go to school or have a job, right now I can barely leave the house without feeling the symptoms. But because of the nature of the problem, I feel extremely uncomfortable talking about it to anyone except those I share the utmost level of trust with. At current only my parents know the full story, I've talked about it a little with a couple of close friends but they don't know what's really going on. It's really bugging me because a few other friends who I don't really want to know about it keep asking me if I want to do something and I have to blow them off...

The worst part is, just two months ago, or maybe less (I'm no good at telling time like that, days seem to pass like they were nothing nowadays), I was getting over it. I felt like I was finally getting better, and then because of one stupid, isolated incident, the whole thing collapsed, and snowballed, and now I'm worse than ever before... and I feel like there's no point in even trying anymore. If it took me more than two years to get to a semi-comfortable point before, what's the point in even trying?

Oh, and I just turned 19. Go me.

 

[Gray Fox]

I like so many people have the same probelem, and unfortunatly I don't have a good anwser, but I don't need to Erestheux told everything fine.
But you know, atleast you got these forums, here you can talk about everything and get good responses, I have said things here that I wouldn't say to my school friends, I mean where can you find real friends that you can talk about politics, why we can't go fatser than teh speed of light, if god exists, what you have milked, and don't worry what people think about you, and in the end learn so much new things about everything, so remeber you can allways count on us

 

[Lil' Timmy]

you're a teenager. wait a while, it'll pass.

 

[Gunner]

You are more wrong then you can possibly imagine.

I concur.