Uses for the Portal gun in real life

[Zyreal]

Okay, so I got the idea from the "What would you take from the HL universe" my post:

I live in a metro-type area, so the portal gun would make a car completely obsolete. I mean, even going cross country, you'd have a tough time in the flat spots, but if you stayed mostly to main roads...you could use signs...

Gimmie the ASHPD and I could beat the car record of 31 hours coast-to-coast.

and you would be RICH either from using it in illegal ways, or making huge amounts of money for delivery/courier...or moving, or "taxi" driver...or driving from LA to NYC and dropping a portal at each, and charging an insane amount of money to move between the two.

Now, what creative real life uses can you think of for the ASHPD? Illegal or legal...but try to keep it to what YOU could do if this second it landed on your desk....

 

[Lynk]

It would be of great use to obese Americans who are too lazy to get off their fat ass to get the fridge.

 

[Asymptote]

Ooh, good thread.

It seems like it would make an interesting psychological experiment to place two portals on the opposite sides of a hallway and see how people react to being able to see themselves from behind...I imagine that would be an incredibly odd feeling.

 

[xennyth]

The possibilities are endless, so trying to list them would be pointless.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Giving youself a blowjob? You'd have to be pretty atheletic though. :O

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Giving youself a blowjob? You'd have to be pretty atheletic though. :O

That is... like... the *weirdest* image I have ever conjured up in my head.

 

[Irksome]

Use it to get on top of stuff. Nothing in particular - just stuff that you want to get on top of.

 

[comoxer]

Entrance: My Bedside
Exit: My desk at work

 

[xennyth]

Giving youself a blowjob? You'd have to be pretty atheletic though. :O

Why would you have to be athletic to do that?

Step 1] Portal on wall at crotch level.

Step 2] Portal on wall at face level.

Step 3] Proceed with auto-fellatio.

It would take almost no physical effort at all.

 

[Pesmerga]

Ooh, good thread.

It seems like it would make an interesting psychological experiment to place two portals on the opposite sides of a hallway and see how people react to being able to see themselves from behind...I imagine that would be an incredibly odd feeling.

Like... seeing yourself being recorded by camera? That's not a very 'odd' feeling.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Why would you have to be athletic to do that?

Step 1] Portal on wall at crotch level.

Step 2] Portal on wall at face level.

Step 3] Proceed with auto-fellatio.

It would take almost no physical effort at all.

Yeah, but I didn't was thinking that simple. I was thinking kinda, putting a portal above you, and then one in the wall and well...
Anyway, the solution you proposed is much better, so I don't think I'll go into the details

 

[xennyth]

Haha, ok.

 

[Uber Kitty]

imagine a halway that is only wide enough for 1 1/2 a person

Portal on each side = personal back massage.

Or blue in court, yellow in jail.

Elevators become pointless.

"the remote is on the floor, and im on the couch!"
*bloop* *phizzle*
*Remote falls from ceiling into hand.

And of course the obvious never ending machine. For example, a water wheel where the water goes from bottom to top through portals and continuously turns the wheel.

Even more possibilities if we had those leg springs.

 

[ríomhaire]

Portal One: On a wall in my house
Portal Two: Jack Thompson's colon
Then all I need is a rigid, blunt object.

 

[Pesmerga]

Portal One: On a wall in my house
Portal Two: Jack Thompson's colon
Then all I need is a rigid, blunt object.

And you wonder why Jack Thompson does what he does.

 

[Emporius]

 

[ríomhaire]

And you wonder why Jack Thompson does what he does.

I figured it was four our amusement. The guy's stupidity is hilarious.

 

[Dan]

Perpetual motion for unlimited power generation

 

[ríomhaire]

I imagine that sustaining the portals will require power too.

 

[jimmyjam]

apocalyptic super weapon
put one portal on the far side of the moon, the other on the planet's surface...

 

[dumba$$]

It would be of great use to obese Americans who are too lazy to get off their fat ass to get the fridge.

I assume you mean putting a portal under the fridge and another over the fatass...

 

[Cheomesh]

Oh, the infinite things I could do.

Portals, mankinds last invention.

Trust me, I'd either use them to become a supreme power, or just f*ck the world over.

 

[SpectreBlofeld]

 

[blck_prod]

showercurtains?

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Imagine how such a portal gun would revolutionise space travel. You would only need to go there once to open the portal(s) and bingo! Instant space travel!

 

[Cheomesh]

I'm pretty sure there is a limit to distances.

 

[RandomX]

a loading screen between california and new jersey would make things tricky :/

 

[soulslicer]

with the portal gun, I would never visit a theme park and go on any ride again..iukwim

 

[22683]

The portal device is not some sort of toy... are you all mad? We kee a close eye on all test subjects to ensure this type of thing can never occur. How would these ever be kept in check?

[Aperture Science Employee #22683]