Why I am so pathetic (no idea if real or not)

Mr.Reak

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WARNING: This story didn’t turn out funny, it’s a total waste OF YOUR TIME. If you as much loser as myself, you CAN read it, if you are not, GET THE **** OUT OF MY THREAD! Also, IF YOU READ this story, you will understand why Mr.Reak is insane and cynical asshole who laughs at other people’s tragedy and will surely go to hell. Who is Mr.Reak? Ask Farrowlesparrow, he knows.


So I woke up today, alone now. I was crying, probably some depressing dream again I thought. Nah, not really, it was Night Terror, which happens every morning now. Same shadow tries to strangle me, it’s his job after all. You know, we became good friends by now, talking and stuff. I asked for his number, to go hang out with him after work, but heck, he said I need medical attention, because he is just my mind’s toy, a ****mind toy he meant. Gah, this is not even about him or my girlfriend, or even sexy Latino guy. It’s not about anything actually, it was just morning like it is morning everyday.

I get up, standing in the room in my underwear, yawning, looking around, and trying to focus on something. My cable modem was on whole night, green lights blipping so fast, puts me back to the sleep actually. Is it about green lights, this morning I mean? Nah, not about them, so I move on, closer to the computer. Like always, I press power button, I hear fan starting to speed up, god it makes so much noise. I can’t really focus anymore, I need to wash my face.

Now, remember I said it wasn’t about my girlfriend? Well I ****ing lied, so you can shut the heck up and listen to me whining about my imaginary girlfriend. I mean come on, who the **** am I kidding here, there is no Japanese girlfriends, there are no Latino guys. I made all that shit up to make myself feel better, while little group of idiots were wondering why am I hitting my girlfriend with baseball bat and if I ever gonna get in trouble for that. Well Jesus, I guess I did get in trouble, in my imaginary world, imaginary police hunt me down and shot me to death with imaginary bullets. I went to imaginary hell and had imaginary dildo up my not imaginary ass. How is that for a story? Or should I imagine something more crazy, so bunch of newbies will come to my thread, saying how it was a ****ing waste of their time. Too bad I can’t imagine ****ers away to some other place.

Now where was I? Oh yes, washing my face. I look in the mirror, and the same brown face stares at me. Yes, if I shave my head, I will look like Gandhi “thank you, come again!”. Why? I got big nose, I got big ears, I even got big mouth. I can probably suck the skin of your body, if I try hard enough. It will be like a hickie, but permanent, and it won’t feel good, and it won’t be passionate. I am too lazy to wash my face you know, I just want to count pimples I have, if I do, I would spend a year doing so. It’s a freaking city on my face, city of pimples, living and trading, raising their children, having their little acne wars.


So yeah, I was washing my face, or I didn’t. I just took a piss, good enough washing for me. Funny thing, I piss like a girl, I am too lazy to stand there, trying to aim my penis. What can I possible do after I piss all over? Go to the computer, online, check my favorite site (OMFG HL2.net), with my favorite moderators and admins (Badger, give me a ****ing job!) and read my favorite topics (OMFG GABE IS FAT, LOL) by my favorite posters (random retarded newb). So, after I found absolutely nothing interesting, plus maybe post some imaginary story to show off how smart I am, I decide to hit F5 for awhile and just you know, space out for about a hour. Why? Maybe HL2 will finally come out or something… nah, won’t happen for a while.

People wonder sometimes, why do I post so much over at HL2.net? It’s not about HL2 anymore, I don’t wait for it, it will just come when it comes. No, I visit HL2.net forums just for pure enjoyment of intellectual debates about war, politics and religion. I mean, what’s the better place to debate then with HL/CS community, which is filled with a mature audience that experienced real life first hand. See, for example, when we start to debate about war on terror, there is always a smart individual, with IQ above the rest of us, that suggest killing ALL Iraqis with his bare hands will solve all problems with terrorism. See what I am talking about, lot’s of smart people, HL/CS community only brings the best minds together.

However, that’s not it! We have such cool threads here, asking for love advices. I mean 15 years old already have pubic hair, they know how to put dick into vagina, am I right here guys? Speaking about vaginas, my imaginary girlfriend never shaves, so ****ing annoying. You would think I could imagine pubic hair away, but heck, even imaginary women are bitches. Guys, turn gay while you are young, tell your parents taking up the ass still much better then dealing with a ****ing cheating whore, who can’t ****ing shut up about her god damn problems.. cheating whore, I will kill that stupid…. Anyway, I got bit off topic here.

Were we talking about love? Yes, love, we sometimes even have guys here who like to PWD. Post while drunk! I mean, what’s the best time to post about awesome party you had with bunch of gay looking guys, then when you are freaking drunk. “Hey look over here, I hang out with girls! ROFL, of course they are whores with wooden teeth, but I GOT SEX, AM I COOL YET? MY E-PENIS IS BIG!” It’s funny though, because guy is usually alone, and the rest of us admire his coolness while living in our parents’ basement. Hey, you know what, **** off, I have imaginary girlfriend and she gives much better heads anyway…. (doing stranger when you wake up and your left arm is numb as hell is the best experience you will ever have).

Enough about HL2.net forums, but did I ever tell you how dark Doom III is? I mean, it’s not just street dark, it’s I-put-flashlight-up-my-ass dark, which means it’s very dark minus smell and pain/joy. Thing is, I get more joy from putting things up my ass, than playing next abortion from rocket scientist and bunch of guys that nobody gives a shit about aka rest of ID. So I am stuck at Delta Labs #0348358342 and I need to go to the elevator #38483423 and turn a power at the level #357235723, so I can pick up PDA #4357432, which will give me key to the locker #4382423. After that, I think, I should kill imp #384328 and … do something, which I don’t remember nor do I care about it. Too many numbers, I hate math.

So, I just spend half of my day browsing game forum and playing a game that I hate and bored from. Welcome to Mr.Reak’s life, a combination of insanity rant and self-hatred, filled with wild imagination of my imaginary girlfriend, and our imaginary shopping trips. So, those who made it this far, probably wonder, what I do for the next half of day. I do absolutely nothing but day-dream about life I wish I had. I wish I was anime character, I wish I had hentai sex, I wish I was angel of death send by god to cleanse the Earth of weed-smoking hippies. I wish for a lot of things, but in the end I am still pathetic self with +1 karma painted over his avatar.



Oh also…. Gabe is fat, lol.
 
If i was a girl i'd go out with you, we got much in common.


they're all bitches.
 
If I was a girl, I would probably be a lesbian, but I will save that for another thread. Here is a bonus though.
 

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Wot? You cant be pathetik! I am the most patheic! You cant tak3 my place as most pathetic person evar! I hate you Mr.Raek! You suck(Not as much as me)! AHAHAHAHHA!
 
Man, i totally thought you were cool up until "cleanse the Earth of weed-smoking hippies".

If i could be anything; it'd definitely be a weed-smoking hippy.
 
seriously reak.. your a good writer, make a book or something. I love you man ;(
 
I read your story it wasn't so bad. If you lack ambition maybe your life it too comfy? Try living without your computer for a week. Pee standing up. Jump out of bed and go running or something... I find when you are in a rut, the best thing to do is usually the complete opposite of what you are used to doing. Even seemingly insignifigant things like aiming your weiner.
 
Evil^Milk said:
you, man.

I always wondered, why is your name EVIL MILK…How does evil milk looks like, is it a sexual reference to the sperm? Because if it is, evil milk is truly evil, it gives life to little devils who cry whole day and poop themselves. Oh yeah, they also cry all night long too.

JFry said:
I read your story it wasn't so bad. If you lack ambition maybe your life it too comfy? Try living without your computer for a week. Pee standing up. Jump out of bed and go running or something... I find when you are in a rut, the best thing to do is usually the complete opposite of what you are used to doing. Even seemingly insignifigant things like aiming your weiner.

So to make my life better I should take full control of my penis? Bob, you hear that? I am taking control of you!

Tredoslop said:
You tried to aim your penis? I thought some crazy bitch chopped it off?

Imaginary girlfriend with imaginary axe... it grew back anyway.
 
Also here, if anybody wonders how my imaginary girlfriend looks like… It’s me and my imaginary girlfriend… I had hard time imagining her and taking a pic at the same time….
 
Stick with the imaginary girlfriend reak..
 
haha omg Mr.Reak and i have the same life..i to dont stand and piss cuz i cant be arsed to aim and piss all over the toilet..and all i do i sit on my ass all day browsing the internet getting fatter and fatter. And on the weekends i get drunk so i forget my boring life....god i need a job...and a girl..
 
your story is very very entertaining and wierd:D

awww, and sad...

but still entertaining... how much spare time do you have? o_O
 
neptuneuk said:
your story is very very entertaining and wierd:D

awww, and sad...

but still entertaining... how much spare time do you have? o_O

Sir, I have spare time to be spared, lots of sparing is going on my spare Monday labor day.

P.S. EDIT, actually nevermind, that's not a thing to post on forum anyway.
 
All I can say is...your a genius Reak.
 
Reak, if you want to start writing a book, i'd suggest seeking out books by Charles Bukowski and Albert Camus. it'll help a bit to narrow your style down. then all you gotta do is spill your thoughts onto a page, send it to a publisher and hey presto, everyone can enjoy your little stories.
 
Your stories make life worth living, don't you ever quit. :D

It's scary though, like watching a mirror of myself when I read that.
 
Mr.Reak said:
I guess I did get in trouble, in my imaginary world, imaginary police hunt me down and shot me to death with imaginary bullets.

Are the bullets in your chest, or in your mind?

I went to imaginary hell and had imaginary dildo up my not imaginary ass. How is that for a story?

That has happened to me too. Imaginarily speaking. Is 'imaginarily' a word? It should be.

Funny thing, I piss like a girl, I am too lazy to stand there, trying to aim my penis. What can I possible do after I piss all over?

It's always better to piss from a sitting position. Penises are unreliable things. Before you know it, you'll be spraying all over the walls and ceiling like a firehose.
 
I think people are getting used to you Reak..So far there hasn't been someone who took it completely seriously and even tried to make fun or something to that effect...ah well, maybe when the next batch comes along.
 
why are there no flaming tossers in this part of the forum? so much better than the HL2 discussion... :|
 
You get them occasionally, but...Well there never seem to be enough to sustance themselves and the topics here are very random (hence General Off Topic Chat) and so they don't really know what to think when they enter this section. In hl2 discussion they are honed to post annoying comments to certain thread types. For instance

"hl2 delayed"
'OMG Gabe sucks....z0r!'

or

"New hl2 pics"
'OMG Gabe is t3h suck....z0r!'
 
Cybernoid said:
It's always better to piss from a sitting position. Penises are unreliable things. Before you know it, you'll be spraying all over the walls and ceiling like a firehose.

Oh I agree, you know thing about penis, it has mind of his own, it stands up when it wants, it hides when I want it to stand up, it just goes all over the place.

Dedalus said:
Reak, if you want to start writing a book, i'd suggest seeking out books by Charles Bukowski and Albert Camus. it'll help a bit to narrow your style down. then all you gotta do is spill your thoughts onto a page, send it to a publisher and hey presto, everyone can enjoy your little stories.

Books? Do you think they will sale like Harry Potter books, after all my stories ARE children friendly.

CrazyHarij said:
Your stories make life worth living, don't you ever quit. :D

It's scary though, like watching a mirror of myself when I read that.

I post one random story per month, come back in October.

Farrowlesparrow said:
I think people are getting used to you Reak..So far there hasn't been someone who took it completely seriously and even tried to make fun or something to that effect...ah well, maybe when the next batch comes along.

Maybe some of them finally took my advice and didn’t waste their time with reading this. HA!
 
you were right about my nickname. i'd be honored to be added to your 'stupid people' list.
 
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