wierd song lyrics??

[Matt]

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Some song syrics are just plain daft as far as i'm concerned and I cant see the point in writing song syrics that just make you go 'what?'. Whilst some musical tracks are great to listen to, a lot of the time the lyrics just dont make an ounce of sense. Such tracks are excusable due to the fact that the musical talent on display would be good enough to listen to even if no one was singing along to the track. However on occasion both lyrical and musical talent go sadly missing leaving a pointless mess of a song. Does anyone know any song lyrics that are either totally pointless or just plain wierd? If so post them here as I would love to read them...

Below i present you an example of a track that has both no musical talent and totally wierd lyrics

King Missile - Detachable Penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.


WTF??!11 :O :O :O :O :O
 
LOL!

Thats such a joke. My favorite lyrics writer is Marilyn Manson. That guy has so many ****ing clever and wicked songs. You have to face it... the guy is so smart.

That song is just class though. I might download it, lol. (its obviasly shit, but its funny :p)
 
You should see the video... the guy takes off his penis to store it in a drawer...
 
detachable penis is a funny song. the weirdest lyrics that most people have heard probably belong to ween. here's a some good example:

ween - mutilated lips

I lick my brain in silence
Rather squeeze my head instead
Midget man provoking violence
Listen not to what I said

I said please calm it down
Everything is turning brown

Mutilated lips give a kiss on the wrist
Of the worm like tips of tentacles expanding
In my mind, I’m fine, accepting only fresh brine
You can get another drop of this, yeah you wish...
[repeat]

Laughing lady living lover
Ooo you sassy frassy lassie
Find me the skull of haile sellase, i...
Give me shoes so I can tapsy
Tap all over this big world
Take my hand you ugly girl

Mutilated lips give a kiss on the wrist
Of the worm like tips of tentacles expanding
In my mind, I’m fine, accepting only fresh brine
You can get another drop of this, yeah you wish...
[repeat]


beck aso has some odd lyrics, but his tend to be "artsy" whereas ween tends to be more absurdist.
 
Great music, weird lyrics:

Massive Attack - Antistar

Can you lick my wounds please
Can you make it numb
And kill the pain like cortizone
And grant me intimacy
How'll we split your chromosomes

Yeah more sweet narcosis
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you

I turn a stone i'll find you there
Into reflected light i'll stare
You blind me with flash bulbs
And puzzle me with syllables

Back to sleep
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you

My heads between my knees again
Got needle set to zero
And you can shoot me hurricanes
Don't spare me the details

Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you
Yeah more sweet narcosis
i'll turn a stone i'll find you
Yeah more sweet narcosis

More sweet
More sweet
Iconography ****s with me
You look great in bloodstains
 
Tool -- Die Eier Von Satan

GERMAN

Die Eier von Satan

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
KEINE EIER

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier ..

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

The Eggs/Balls of Satan

Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoo salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...AND NO EGGS

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.

It was made to sound like a really dark industrial song, and the lyrics are spoken like someone is addressing a speech, with a crowd cheering as well. Great song. :D

Also, although they're not wierd lyrics, these are funny:

Tool -- Hooker With a Penis

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope Beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was OGT,
From '92,
The first EP.

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man.

Well now I've got some
A-dvice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,

Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that ****in' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb ****.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

So I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the ****in' man
Then you're the ****in' man as well
So you can
Point that ****in' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb ****.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

So...Shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
**** you, buddy.
 
don't get me started on rammstien lyrics, it's just that with songs like "zwitter", yea; need i say more?
 
The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist

Frontier Psychiatrist
Is Dexter ill, Is Dexter ill, Is Dexter ill
Is Dexter ill today, Mr Kirk, Dexter`s in school
I`m afraid he`s not, Miss Fishborne
Dexter`s truancy problem is way out of hand
The Baltimore County school board have decided to expel
Dexter from the entire public school system

Oh Mr Kirk, I`m as upset as you to learn of Dexter`s truancy
But surely, expulsion is not the answer!
I`m afraid expulsion is the only answer
It`s the opinion of the entire staff that Dexter is criminally insane

That boy needs therapy, psychosomatic,
That boy needs therapy, purely psychosomatic
That boy needs therapy
Lie down on the couch! What does that mean?
You`re a nut! You`re crazy in the coconut!
What does that mean? That boy needs therapy
I`m gonna kill you, that boy needs therapy
Play the kazoo, let`s have it tune
On the count of three
That, that, that, that, that boy.. boy needs therapy
He was white as a sheet
And he also made false teeth

Avalanches is above, business continues below
Did I ever tell you the story about
Cowboys! Bit , bit bitches and the indians and, Fron, Frontier Psychiatrist
I... I felt strangely hypnotised
I was in another world, a world of 20.000 girls
And milk! Rectangles, to an optometrist, the man with the golden eyeball
And tighten your buttocks, pour juice on your chin
I promise my girlfriend I`d... the violin, violin, violin ...

Frontier Psychiatrist
Frontier, frontier, frontier, frontier
Frontier, frontier, frontier, frontier
Frontier, frontier, frontier, frontier

That boy needs therapy, psychosomatic
That boy needs therapy, purely psychosomatic
That boy needs therapy
Lie down on the couch, what does that mean?
You`re a nut! You`re crazy in the coconut!
What does that mean? That boy needs therapy
I`m gonna kill you, that boy needs therapy
Ranagazoo, let`s have a tune
Now when I count three
That, that, that, that, that boy.. boy needs therapy
He was white as a sheet
And he also made false teeth

Frontier Psychiatrist

Can you think of anything else that talks, other than a person?
Uh ohh... uh oh, a bird! Yeah!
Sometimes a parrot talks
Ha ha ha ha ha !!!!
Yes, some birds are funny when they talk
Can you think of anything else
A record, record, record !
 
I, man, am regal - a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see God?
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
"Naomi," I moan
"A Toyota's a Toyota"
A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

"Bob" by Weird Al Yankovic, in hounor of Bob Dylan
 
Best lyric of all time
"Flux capacitor"
Busted: Year 3000

Big respect to the Darkness for writing an entire song about pubic lice (Growing On Me) and for their Christmas song being a big joke about bell-ends and ringpieces.
Led Zeppelin were also good for sexual innuendos:
"Shake for me girl, I wanna be your back door man"
"I wanna give you my love, every inch of my love"

Damien Rice wrote a whole song about masturbation - Bang My Drum

Finally, Turin Brakes who sometimes write great lyrics only to juxtapose them next to very bad ones. To wit:
"My friends are all junkies, but they're still my friends"
Personally I think that's a lovely line, and it's followed by this beauty:
"As long as they don't use monkeys..."
Mmm-hmmmmm.
 
ba ba ba baaaaaaa the pie
a lovely pi-ie
i love the pie
we live the pie
hurry up the pie!
mmmmmmmmmmmmm!
a ba ba ba baaaaaa
a ba ba ba baaaaaaaaaa
a ba ba ba baaaaaa!!!
PIE!!!!!
 
:naughty:

Went to pick up Adam, in my ****ing car,
Theres a rave up in Wentwood, it's not very far
We've got drugs and lager, we've been to the Spar
House, techno, acid, theres even a bar!

Adam got ****ed up, off his head on pills,
Got on the podium to show us his skills,
Dropped his cana lager, slipped in the mess,
And ripped down this ****ing minging bird's dress
This minging bird said 'You make me cringe'
So he shoved his fingers up her minge
"My beer goggles are on, but you're quite smart,
come back to my place you ****ing tart"
She kicked him in the bollocks, punched him in the eye
He said "You still haven't given me a ****ing reply"
She said "You'll never get me back, to your place"
So Adam pinnd her down and shot his man-fat on her face...

...Adam's ready to go,
After bingo at the community disco,
He fingered,
Two mingers, and was making girls,
Sniff his fingers
Smoked bongs, and drank strongbow,
Went for a drive and shagged a mongo
He's been bad, since the day he was born,
And he's got a huge collection of.. DOG PORN

:LOL:
 
Australians all love Ostriches,
For we are one, two, three,
In olden boils,
And welfare spoils,
Our home is court-es-y!
Our roundabouts are recklessness,
And boutiques witch and fair,
In all mistakes,
We must rebate,
ADVAAAAANCE AUSTRALIA'S FAIRS!

-Sung, with personal variations, by every little kid who doesn't know the words to the Aussie national anthem. Sometimes a lot of "Mmm mm mmm" is added, to cover the words one just isn't sure about. Sung twice over on the rare occasions when the long version of the anthem is used.
 
Following on from the last lyrics.. this is taken from a song done almost entirely by Adam Hussien (The Adam of the previous song)

I got a number one fan who likes to smoke a nine bar
It ain't Bob Marley clarts, it's my ****ing grandma
I seen her in fights, protecting the family name
Spatting clarts heads 'cos she's the origanal Hussien
On time the police came knocking, at our door
She hid the ****ing pills 'cos she knows the ****ing score
The pigs started shouting 'cos they couldn't find the blow
So my nan chucked the bricks out the ****ing window
You see thats the problem when you smokes too much draw
You forgets things like "Errr we live on the 15th Floor"
They landed in a mess, **** me that must be sore,
My nan's hard as ****, and she's only 84....

... Back in the day when the GLC formed,
We had no money, so my nan got pawned
I sold her down Rizzuh's for 8 pound forty
And I bought some draw cos I'm ****ing naughty
I smoked the last of this mad shit,
I gotta get my nan back or she'll go ****ing sckitz
She's Hussien so like me she's insane
She'll **** you up with her ****ing zimmerframe

:LOL:
 
ductonius said:
The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist

Best ever song.

If you many weird lyrics, listen to Deerhoof. :)

Milk Man

Milk man sleeps on the roof in the noon
Bananana stabbed to the arms
Weird man
Ooh La La
Milk man sneaks in the house under moon
Miracle words come to a mouth
You may hear
"Peek a Boo"

Come closer
How beautiful I play sounds
Boys & Girls!
Here I come
Get you to escape the night
Boys & Girls!
Be mine
I'll take you to my dream land
Now you're mine
I'll take you to our dream land

Milk man smiles to you "Hi" in a nude
"Ths banana stuck in my arms
Oh my love!"
Stabbed in the arms
Ooh La La
Yellow one

Boo boo the Milk man
Hi hi he's masked man

Giga Dance

I sleep in angel's feather's heaven bed
Don't say good night
Far Away
Nervous Face
I hiss at the Milk man's king

Giga Dance Giga Dance

Mind the steps
Steal his eyes
Under pale dim lights
Let's escape
End the feast
Home is better
Than it seemed
 
I meet him here today
his name is BJ
I listen to his words
and - oh - their meaning hurts

(he says that)
this is halfquake
and i'm here to die
this is my last date
even if I cry

now I know the truth
my suffers are entertainment
my pain is a high tv quote
I'm jesus in a circus tent

all I sweat is blood
all I breath is pain
my skin feels like mud
my tounge cries for rain

I will have revenge
I will make you fear
you killed my family
now i'm a fighting tear

my sword slits your throat
my rage perforates your soul
oh it's not the best i can
I'll see you in hell again

SONG TO LISTEN TO
 
"Badass stripper in a Gucci thong/See-through dress by Louis Vuitton"
- Some silly Essex girl scally slag: Badass Strippa

There's so much wrong with that lyric, that song, herself and her grammar that I don't even know where to begin.
 
A local band sing an excellent song which is on student radio alot - Penis Fly Trap. The chorus goes something like -

NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
 
Bad^Hat said:
A local band sing an excellent song which is on student radio alot - Penis Fly Trap. The chorus goes something like -

NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP
NEVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A VENUS FLY TRAP

A good lesson for the testosterone-filled kids around here.
 
some weird songs in here :)

Eminem has some weird shit (not his new albums)

Eminem - Any man

Hi!
Original Bad Boy on the case, cover your face
Came in the place blowed, and sprayed Puffy with Mase
I laced the weed with insect repellant, better check the smelly
Eminem starts with E, better check the spelling
with a capital, somebody grab me a Snapple
I got an aspirin capsule trapped in my adam's apple (hurry up!)
Somebody dropped me on my head, and I was sure
that my mother did it, but the bitch won't admit it was her
I slit her stomach open with a scalpel when she was six months
and said, "I'm ready now bitch - ain't you feelin these kicks ****?"
The world ain't ready for me yet, I can tell
I'll probably have a cell next to the furnace in hell
I'm sicker than sperm cells with syphillis germs
and I'm hotter than my dick is, when I piss and it burns
I kick you in the tummy until you sick to your stomach
and vomit so much blood that your clothes stick to you from it (yuck!)
(Yuck!) Hit you in the head with a brick til you plummet
If y'all don't like me, you can suck my dick til you numb it
And all that gibberish you was spittin, you need to kill it
Cause your style is like dyin in my sleep, I don't feel it

Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
for twenty grand and a bottle of pain pills and a minithin
is ****in crazy -- you hear me? Ha?
Is ****in crazy -- hello, hi!
Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
for twenty grand and a bottle of pain pills and a minithin
is ****in crazy -- do you hear me?
Is ****in crazy

I'm ice grillin you, starin you down with a gremlin grin
I'm Eminem, you're a fag in a women's gym
I'm Slim, the Shady is really a fake alias
to save me with in case I get chased by space aliens
A brainiac, with a cranium packed, full of more uranium
than a maniac Saudi Arabian
A highly combustible head, spazmatic
strapped to a Kraftmatic adjustable bed
Laid up in the hospital in critical condition
I flatlined; jumped up and ran from the mortician
High speed, IV full of thai weed
Lookin Chinese, with my knees stuck together like siamese
twins, joined at the groin like lesbians
Uhh, pins and needles, hypodermic needles and pins
I hope God forgives me for my sins -- it probably all depends
on if I keep on killin my girlfriends

Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
for twenty grand and a bottle of pain pills and a minithin
is ****in crazy -- you hear me? Ha?
Is ****in crazy -- listen!!
Cause any man who would jump in front of a minivan
for twenty grand and a bottle of pain pills and a minithin
is ****in crazy -- you hear me?
Is ****in crazy

Last night I O.D.'d on rush, mushrooms and dust
and got rushed to the hospital to get my system flushed
(Shucks!) I'm an alcoholic and that's all I can say
I call in to work, cause all I do is frolic and play
I swallow grenades, and take about a bottle a day
of Tylenol 3, and talk about how violent I'll be (RRARRRRH)
Give me eleven Excederin my head'll spin
Medicine'll get me revvin like a 747 jet engine
Scratched my balls til I shredded skin
"Doctor, check this rash, look how red it's been"
"It's probably AIDS!" Forget it then
I strike a still pose and hit you with some ill flows
that don't even make sense, like dykes usin dildos
So reach in your billfolds, for ten ducats
and pick up this Slim Shady shit that's on Rawkus
Somethin somethin somethin, somethin I get weeded
My daughter scribbled over that rhyme, I couldn't read it
Damn!
 
tool rules...

a lot of their songs have some strange/thought provoking lyrics. great writing i think. but i'd have to say the strangest tool song i've heard is "maynard's dick" it's on the Salival cd.

Maynard's Dick

It's all an open center
Opens up and lets the wind lift him away
It doesn't have to feel water
? It's just a place that feels right with him ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
I kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to glide on
Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick

There's a shyness found in reason
Apprehensive influence swallow away
You seem to feel abysmal take it
? then you're careful grace for sure ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
Kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to climb on
Climb on my six inches and go down on Maynard's dick

Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Put it right on top of your forehead
Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Now you know what you're ****in with... Maynard's dick!
 
System Of A Down has some weird ones

"Random SOAD song":

Hello, my name is Johnny
Well hello my name is Johnny
I would like to explain myself
And I would like to complain in vain

Sweet little boy
JOHNNY!
Sweet Little Boy
JOHNNY!
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

'ello my name is Roger
Well hello my name is roger
I would like to proclaim myself
A god
And likely ordain myself

Sweet little boy
ROGER!
Sweet little boy
ROGER!

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

Sweet little boy
Johnny
Sweet little boy
Oh no! It's Roger!

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind


Song Title: Johnny
 
Johnny is an awesome song :D

Also -

This ballgame's in the refrigerator,
The door is closed,
The lights are out,
And the butter's getting hard.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

Well advertising's got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising's got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run,
Advertising's got you on the run.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.


Tribute to estling if he's here :p
 
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