Woot.com item descriptions. Great thing? Or greatest thing?

[Krynn72]

Sarah awoke to find Edward staring at her creepily from the foot of her bed.

“Uh, what? What the hell are you doing here?” she said, bewildered.

“I was just watching you sleep. Isn’t that dark and brooding and romantic?” Edward brooded darkly.

“No. That’s just creepy.” Sarah turned on her Stanley 3-in-1 Tripod with Mini-Tripod Keychain, which she always kept at her bedside. “Aren’t you that weird emo kid from the woods? Holy crap, are you sparkling?”

“Yeah, weird, that usually only happens in sunlight,” his brooding words darkly brooded across the room and into her ears.

“Well this thing’s got a brightness of 60 lumens, Sparkles.”

“Please don’t call me that. It’s gym class all over again. Anyway, I’m a vampire. And I love you,” he darkly brooded.

“Love me? You haven’t even said two words to me until you snuck into my room. That’s not love; that’s an unhealthy infatuation, and you’ve clearly demonstrated a complete disregard for my personal boundaries,” Sarah wisely noted.

“But that’s because you’re my brand of heroin,” Edward broodingly brooded in such a dark and brooding manner that it was so totally hot.

“So are you here to ask me out or something? Can I just reject you now and get this over with?” she asked.

“Actually,” Edward brooded, “I want to fall in love with you, then run away, thereby forcing you to string along a werewolf guy while you go nuts and detach from everyday life in your obsession with me so that I can return, proving to millions of teenage girls everywhere that if your boyfriend leaves you the only way to get him back is to go completely insane and isolate yourself from everything else.”

“I’m sorry,” Sarah responded after picking her jaw up off the floor, “is this seriously your best effort? I mean, this is the plot of some pulp comic riff on Romeo & Juliet, right? Who in their right mind would fall for this?”

“Well,” Edwards dark words brooded, “I was hoping you would.”

“You know my last name’s Van Helsing, right?”

“Who?”

“Nothing. Come in and meet my dad!”


Warranty: Lifetime Stanley

Stanley 3-in-1 Tripod Flashlight:

Patented hands free tripod design
Separates into 3 independent flashlights
Combines into one powerful flashlight
Each independent flashlight generates 20 lumens of light
Three 120 degree multi-directional rotating heads
Shatter resistant lens
ON/OFF switch turns all flashlights on or off when placed inside the tripod base
One-touch tripod release button
Bulbs: Three 0.5W LEDs last 100,000 hrs
Brightness: 60 Lumens (20×3 (combined))
Run time: 5 hrs
Beam distance: 375 feet / 115 meters
Requires 6 AA batteries (not included)
Dimensions: 10 1/2” (L) X 3” (W) X 3” (D)

Who else goes to woot.com?

For those not in the know, woot.com is a site that has random products on sale for one day only, refreshing every day.

But the only reason I ever go there is to read the descriptions of the items they are selling. Tonights made me laugh really hard, but almost every one of them is comedic gold.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

I played ctf-wOOtabulous back in my hardcore UT days.

 

[StarBob]

Well I rarely read the descriptions of woot things anymore. Even less when there's a wootoff. I kinda feel bad for the people that take time to write them since I ignore them. Oh well.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Thought this was gonna be Nightlight, a parody in which Edwart Mullen warns Belle Goose of the dangers of Sega.

"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah - why wouldn't I be okay?"
"Are you serious, Belle? Were you not aware of what that sick old man was trying to do?" He shook his head, seething. "You're lucky I was on the roof all day. That old man . . .he was trying to sell you a Sega product."
"What were you doing waiting for me on a roof all day?" I asked, watching his knuckles whiten at his own reference to Sega.

I kinda feel bad for the people that take time to write them since I ignore them.

I'm sure that really kills them.

 

[kazsymonds]

There's a similar thing here - http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=6&zenid=a7abb6f4489f8e4b5c675858aba9baf5, although their products are all fake but bloody funny!

Nice link krynn i will have a look around!