F*ck the zoo also Veggies is gay

[Tollbooth Willie]

You go to a zoo. You have a pack of cigs in your back pocket. You expect monkeys. Orangutans specifically. One single orangutan specifically.




One that could pack away smokes like they weren't jack f*cking shit. But then one day you step into the zoo and feel like something is wrong. Something very wrong. Do you know how that feels? Returning to the zoo a few years later to see your old friend the cigarette smoking orangutan, only for him to be gone? It hurts.




It really really hurts. My friend tried to comfort me. She said "You can always get the other monkeys addicted." I looked at her and said "No. You don't get it."




You don't just get monkeys addicted. It's not some simple process. You don't just throw a smoke in and expect them to throw on a pair of shades and puff puff on that son of a bitch while butt f*cking all the monkey females. It takes a special kind of monkey. A god among monkeys.


I spent the rest of my day looking at the herpes infested monkeys next to the rhinoceros enclosure. As I gazed into their swollen growth covered assholes I reminisced the days where my cousins would light a smoke up and hand them to the orangutan when others weren't looking. He was a badass just puffing away.





But now...now he's...I don't know. Maybe dead. Maybe moved. Who knows? I decided to smoke the entire pack while I was at the zoo in his memory, but then I realized I wasn't a queer and threw them into the garbage. Today I walked away broken. Defeated.















F*ck you, Zoo. I hope you're happy.

 

[Rizzo]

This is both the funniest and most depressing shit I ever read. My deepest condolences.

 

[Eejit]

He's probably just transferred and introducing his new ape friends to smoking. Like a pyramid scheme.

 

[<RJMC>]

you killed him whit the smoking

 

[Acepilotf14]

It's alright Willie.. perhaps he's in a better smoke-filled place.

 

[<RJMC>]

or maybe the orangutan was delivered back to indonesia and is the one who teached that smoker kid to smoke

 

[Stigmata]

or maybe the orangutan was delivered back to indonesia and is the one who teached that smoker kid to smoke

Monkey see, monkey do?

/gets banned by KA again

 

[Emporius]

Please tell me this story is true.

 

[Sheepo]

I don't know whether I'm mildly amused or mildly depressed.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Please tell me this story is true.

100% true, sadly.

 

[Tyguy]

that's kinda sad

everyone likes a smoking buddy, especially a monkey smoking buddy.

it reminds me of these geese I used to see every day on my way to work. As I take the off-ramp from one highway to another there is a large patch of grass where the two would stand close to one another, grazing about without a care in the world. I saw these geese for weeks and even on the worst days they would bring a smile to my face.

One day I brought some bread with me to throw out the window as I passed them. I got onto the ramp, bread in hand and ready to throw and then it hit me...there was only 1 goose. I knew what it meant right away but I refused to see the truth. Every day I hope to see it's partner nearby and every day I am saddened as I see the lone goose.

2 months have passed and I have seen my goose friend every single day.

Geese mate for life

 

[The Monkey]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYkaWibhY2s

 

[Tyguy]

i respect your commitment to the joke by taking the time to upload the video

 

[Lucid]

smokin iz bad but i sad @ story so i sry 4 u :bounce: :imu:

 

[MJ12]

Take comfort in knowing you killed him, Chase.

 

[Raziaar]

Man, why am I thinking there was a smoking orangutan in the Dallas Zoo as well? I've been there once and I remember something peculiar about the orangutans.

But nah, it couldn't have been smoking.

Anyway Willie I feel your pain dude. Orangutans are the ****ing best! My desktop background is an orangutan.

 

[Darkside55]

I hope that orangutan is dead. Fuck monkeys. Fuck every kind of monkey. I am not sorry for your loss.

 

[Sheepo]

Man, finally I can make another addition to the list of things that makes Darkseid uncool:

-Dislikes monkeys

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I hope that orangutan is dead. Fuck monkeys. Fuck every kind of monkey. I am not sorry for your loss.

y u makin it hard 4 mii 2 luv u ????

 

[Emporius]

Man, finally I can make another addition to the list of things that makes Darkseid uncool:

-Dislikes monkeys

also

-thinks orangutans are monkeys

 

[Darkside55]

-thinks orangutans are monkeys

I was gonna say "every kind of ape," but that left out monkeys. Then I was gonna say, "every kind of primate," but that includes us, and while I'll also say fuck most people, I don't revile them as a species like apes and monkeys. Ultimately I chose to just say "fuck monkeys" because Willie's post began "You expect monkeys. Orangutans specifically."

I know that orangutans are apes, faget. Fuck 'em anyway.

 

[Warped]

My grandpa used to bring a puppet monkey to the zoo with me, and I'd always go into the monkey exhibit and the Orangutans would go nuts when I started swaying the puppet left to right and they'd hoot and howl and it was the best.

 

[Raziaar]

It wasn't the best for them. It left them traumatized for life.

 

[flamingdts]

Willie needs a Willie for comfort.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

your gay

 

[kineaesth]

your gay

Bolded italicised underlined Comic Sans.

That's it.