Fly to Mexico, join the army, and buy a motorcycle- in that order.
Seriously though, how did you land an engineering degree AND no debt with 5k in the bank? You lucky bastard. Do whatever you want, I say.
That sucked. There was nothing clever or humorous about it. It was just weird. Weird does not translate to humor.
The first one was actually funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus
Okay, I think I can summarize for you:
1) you're nuts
2) she's a bitch
3) get professional help
4) move on
Also, I would like to note that I am feeling a bit under the weather myself, so I apolagize for my assholeishness.