L
Logic
Guest
"The Game Shop"
(a customer walks in the door, repetitive techno music plays in the background)
Customer: Good Morning.
Worker: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to EB Games!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Worker: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting at my copmuter just now, once again briskly traversing the environments of the wonderful Half-Life, when I suddenly felt the need to engage in some brand new alien gutbusting!
Worker: Gutbusting, sir?
Customer: Interactive violence.
Worker: Eh?
Customer: 'OMG I wanna sh00t teh r0x0r shiz wit B1G GUN0RZ'
Worker: Ah, a shoot-em-up!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "Half-Life's due-to-be-released sequel should do the trick," so, I curtailed my mouse clicking activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some multimedia entertainment!
Worker: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy a game.
Worker: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the CD playing!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of audible electronic artistry!
Worker: Sorry?
Customer: 'i li3k teh 1337 m00zik'
Worker: Oh! (smiles) So I can leave it on?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, a game please, my good man.
Worker: Certainly, sir! What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, I'd rather like to play Half-Life 2.
Worker: I'm, a-fraid that's been delayed again, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how about a copy of Far Cry?
Worker: I'm afraid we didn't stock up very well on that, sir, we get more copies in on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, my geeky friend, fetch us Doom 3.
Worker: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Halo?
Worker: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Deus Ex 2?
Worker: Normally, sir, yes. We sold our last copy today.
Customer: Ah. Unreal Tournament 2004?
Worker: Sorry.
Customer: 2003?
Worker: No.
Customer: Quake 3, per chance?
Worker: No.
Customer: GTA3?
Worker: No.
Customer: Vice City?
Worker: No.
Customer: Hitman 1 or 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Red Faction?
Worker: No.
Customer: May Payne 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Any of the Battlefield games?
Worker: No.
Customer: Any Tom Clancy games?
Worker: No.
Customer: Soldier of fortune, No one lives forever, Operation Flashpoint, Call of Duty, Medal of Honor... ?
Worker: No.
Customer: Trespasser, perhaps?
Worker: Ah! We have a copy of Trespasser, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Worker: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit buggy...
Customer: Oh, I don't mind a few bugs.
Worker: Well,.. It's very buggy, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the dinosaur game immediately!
Worker: I...think it's a bit buggier than you'll like it, sir.
Customer: I don't care how f***ing buggy it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Worker: (looks behind counter) Oooooooooohhh........!
Customer: What now?
Worker: Bob, the manager, threw it out.
Customer: Did he.
Worker: She, sir.
(pause, customer stares at owner, same techno music still playing)
Customer: Alien vs Predator 1 or 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Elite Force?
Worker: No.
Customer: That James Bond game?
Worker: No.
Customer: XIII?
Worker: No.
Customer: Chrome?
Worker: No, sir.
Customer: You...do *have* some games, don't you?
Worker: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a game shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Worker: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Serious Sam?
Worker: Uh.. yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll take that!
Worker: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. My name's Sam.
(pause, techno still playing, customer glares at owner)
Customer: Return to Castle Wolfenstein?
Worker: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Wolfenstein 3D?
Worker: no
Customer: Doom 2?
Worker: no
Customer: Doom?
Worker: no
Customer: Unreal 2?
Worker: no
Customer: Unreal?
Worker: no
Customer: Duke Nukem 3D?
Worker: no
Customer: Breed?
Worker: Not *recently*, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Counter-Strike: Condition Zero?
Worker: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- Counter Strike is the single most popular multiplayer game in the world!
Worker: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: and what IS the most popular game 'round hyah?
Worker: Warcraft 3, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Worker: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Worker: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh...Warcraft 3, eh?
Worker: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. Do you have one single bleedin' copy of it?
Worker: I'll have a look, sir...
....................... no...
Customer: It's not much of a game shop, is it?
Worker: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Worker: Well, we don't stock any crappy games!
Customer: (blood boilingly frustrated) Oh! Well that sure is good to know.....
(techno getting louder)
Worker: (brightly) You haven't asked me about any RPGs.... or platformers, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
(techno getting louder)
Worker: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY MUSIC OFF!
Worker: (gulps, switches music off)
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any role playing games, platformers, racing games, or adventure games........ dare I ask such a stupid question.......?
Worker: .............. No.
Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Worker: Yessir?
Customer: (angrily) Have you in fact got any games here at all.
Worker: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Worker: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Worker: Nosir. Not one. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Worker: Right-Oh, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)
Customer: Oh, look what I've gone and done... I guess video games are responsible for violence after all!
Incidentally, don't blame me for this thread. Blame insomnia and British comedy.
(a customer walks in the door, repetitive techno music plays in the background)
Customer: Good Morning.
Worker: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to EB Games!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Worker: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting at my copmuter just now, once again briskly traversing the environments of the wonderful Half-Life, when I suddenly felt the need to engage in some brand new alien gutbusting!
Worker: Gutbusting, sir?
Customer: Interactive violence.
Worker: Eh?
Customer: 'OMG I wanna sh00t teh r0x0r shiz wit B1G GUN0RZ'
Worker: Ah, a shoot-em-up!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "Half-Life's due-to-be-released sequel should do the trick," so, I curtailed my mouse clicking activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some multimedia entertainment!
Worker: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy a game.
Worker: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the CD playing!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of audible electronic artistry!
Worker: Sorry?
Customer: 'i li3k teh 1337 m00zik'
Worker: Oh! (smiles) So I can leave it on?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, a game please, my good man.
Worker: Certainly, sir! What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, I'd rather like to play Half-Life 2.
Worker: I'm, a-fraid that's been delayed again, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how about a copy of Far Cry?
Worker: I'm afraid we didn't stock up very well on that, sir, we get more copies in on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, my geeky friend, fetch us Doom 3.
Worker: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Halo?
Worker: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Deus Ex 2?
Worker: Normally, sir, yes. We sold our last copy today.
Customer: Ah. Unreal Tournament 2004?
Worker: Sorry.
Customer: 2003?
Worker: No.
Customer: Quake 3, per chance?
Worker: No.
Customer: GTA3?
Worker: No.
Customer: Vice City?
Worker: No.
Customer: Hitman 1 or 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Red Faction?
Worker: No.
Customer: May Payne 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Any of the Battlefield games?
Worker: No.
Customer: Any Tom Clancy games?
Worker: No.
Customer: Soldier of fortune, No one lives forever, Operation Flashpoint, Call of Duty, Medal of Honor... ?
Worker: No.
Customer: Trespasser, perhaps?
Worker: Ah! We have a copy of Trespasser, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Worker: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit buggy...
Customer: Oh, I don't mind a few bugs.
Worker: Well,.. It's very buggy, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the dinosaur game immediately!
Worker: I...think it's a bit buggier than you'll like it, sir.
Customer: I don't care how f***ing buggy it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Worker: (looks behind counter) Oooooooooohhh........!
Customer: What now?
Worker: Bob, the manager, threw it out.
Customer: Did he.
Worker: She, sir.
(pause, customer stares at owner, same techno music still playing)
Customer: Alien vs Predator 1 or 2?
Worker: No.
Customer: Elite Force?
Worker: No.
Customer: That James Bond game?
Worker: No.
Customer: XIII?
Worker: No.
Customer: Chrome?
Worker: No, sir.
Customer: You...do *have* some games, don't you?
Worker: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a game shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Worker: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Serious Sam?
Worker: Uh.. yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll take that!
Worker: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. My name's Sam.
(pause, techno still playing, customer glares at owner)
Customer: Return to Castle Wolfenstein?
Worker: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Wolfenstein 3D?
Worker: no
Customer: Doom 2?
Worker: no
Customer: Doom?
Worker: no
Customer: Unreal 2?
Worker: no
Customer: Unreal?
Worker: no
Customer: Duke Nukem 3D?
Worker: no
Customer: Breed?
Worker: Not *recently*, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Counter-Strike: Condition Zero?
Worker: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- Counter Strike is the single most popular multiplayer game in the world!
Worker: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: and what IS the most popular game 'round hyah?
Worker: Warcraft 3, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Worker: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Worker: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh...Warcraft 3, eh?
Worker: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. Do you have one single bleedin' copy of it?
Worker: I'll have a look, sir...
....................... no...
Customer: It's not much of a game shop, is it?
Worker: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Worker: Well, we don't stock any crappy games!
Customer: (blood boilingly frustrated) Oh! Well that sure is good to know.....
(techno getting louder)
Worker: (brightly) You haven't asked me about any RPGs.... or platformers, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
(techno getting louder)
Worker: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY MUSIC OFF!
Worker: (gulps, switches music off)
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any role playing games, platformers, racing games, or adventure games........ dare I ask such a stupid question.......?
Worker: .............. No.
Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Worker: Yessir?
Customer: (angrily) Have you in fact got any games here at all.
Worker: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Worker: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Worker: Nosir. Not one. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Worker: Right-Oh, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)
Customer: Oh, look what I've gone and done... I guess video games are responsible for violence after all!
Incidentally, don't blame me for this thread. Blame insomnia and British comedy.
