spookymooky
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Tom’s Foods Inc.
Consumer Service Dept,
Columbus, GA
32902-0060
To Whom It May Concern:
I recently bough a snack-sized bag of Tom’s Mesquite Bar-B-Q Flavored Potato Chips from a vending machine at my high school. While I don’t normally indulge in vended foods, I had recently come across and unusual amount of pocket change and as I had previously sample, and enjoyed, the very same chips, I decided to purchase your confections for USD .55. I feel I must be completely honest with you, or else this letter would be subject to investigation for fraud, and (far worse in my opinion) I would no longer be able to consider myself a man of honor.
To begin with, I confess myself to have found your crisps quite tasty. In fact, it is likely that if ever I hunger for potato chips, and Tom’s are nearby, given that I have the require amount of monies, I will probably once again purchase, and enjoy your excellent foods in the future. The potato slices were fried to perfection, there was an appropriate amount of flavoring, and the taste was quite evidently mesquite barbecue sauce. The food was neither rotten nor moldy, nor were the chips overly crumbled. There was neither an excess of salt, nor a shortage of flavoring. The vegetable oil kept the chips moist enough to be palatable alone, but the taste was further improved with an accompanying beverage. I would like once again to emphasize that I found the your chips to be in any way lacking, rather I enjoyed them far more than I do many other brands and flavors of potato chips. Congratulations! And thank you.
However, I do not feel that I could fully thank you in any way less than that asked for specifically on the packaging. You asked me to request a refund with an explanation of why if, for any reason, I found myself not “completely satisfied” by your snack food. As enjoyable as the consumption of your chips was, I would be less than honest with you if I did not inform you of the ridiculous failing of your product in that regard.
Firstly, your chips did not entire satisfy me as a food product for a number of reasons. The Primary failing in this regard was that the serving of chips did not fill me up completely. In fact, it seemed to be largely composed of air, which, in and of itself, is not particularly filling. Within a few hours I was hungry enough to consume my normal portion of dinner. Secondly, the taste left something to be desired. I have tasted, in my life, more satisfying chocolates, to name only one food. I assure you, there are scores of dishes which I have tasted and, I can only imagine, hundreds more I haven’t that satisfy one’s taste buds much more thoroughly than these mesquite flavored Bar-B-Q chips. Tertiarily, I must say, these chips left my mouth just slightly parched. While these are sever lackings in your attempt to completely satisfy me, I have the unfortunate duty to report to you that even this is not all. There are far more areas of my life which aren’t completely satisfying, and to both my surprise and horror, your chips did nothing for them.
In addition to the severe culinary lacking of your chips, I found that your chips did nothing to aid me physically. In regards to my naturally outrageous good looks, which are already thoroughly satisfying in and of themselves, your product did nothing to actually aid my satisfaction. In fact, due to the high grease content of the chips, you’re product has probably aided in the formation of at least one pimple, which, as we all know, takes away from even divine beauty. As I am sure you can imagine, good looks come with a price: I tend to pity those unfortunate ones around me. Sadly, I must report that your product, though scrumptious, has done nothing to bring the level of beauty throughout the world to any level I would consider satisfying.
Also, I am sure you are aware of the amount of suffering in the world that transcends even that caused by poor aesthetics. Around the globe, millions live in poverty and pain. Children die in their mothers arms. Mothers die in their husbands arms. Even more die all alone, wallowing in slums and terrible conditions throughout the earth. Wars wage and innocents lose their lives, caught in the crossfire between soldiers and gang members, who don’t deserve death either, fighting with knives, guns, rockets, missiles, planes, ships, bombs, and even nuclear devices. How many untold thousands lost their lives to two bombs, containing less than a gram combined of plutonium in the Japanese hamlets of Hiroshima and Nagasaki? How many millions starve each year because pompous, arrogant, elitist, capitalistic swine sit on their laurels and drown in their own excess? How many billions suffer at the hands of their neighbors, who either take advantage of their situation, or deal out needless pain? And why, why oh why did your potato chip do nothing to stop it? Here I sit, presented with a package of potato chips which promises, quite clearly to leave me “completely satisfied”, but where lies this prophesied satisfaction? In the hands of the poor? No! The downtrodden? No! The underpaid and starving? No! I must inform you, even if it involves screaming from the rooftops, that your tasty confection has done nothing to aid the miserable plight of the shared community we call humanity, throughout the globe, from pole to pole, yellow, black, and white, even if I must call man, in all his shapes and sizes to link hands and march against oppression and hate, even if I must sacrifice my life, property, and sacred honor to give you this message: you chip has not satisfied me one iota!
Also, I was not completely satisfied sexually by your chips either, but I will live that where it lies.
Thank your for your time, I hope I was helpful in improving your product, and would be pleased to hear of improvement in any of the aforementioned categories. Especially that final one. In fact, communication via and unmarked package would probably be the preferable method of informing me if you have any clever innovations in that regard. I eagerly await your swift response.
Sincerely,
Spookymooky
I'm going to soon send this, any edits or revisions?
Consumer Service Dept,
Columbus, GA
32902-0060
To Whom It May Concern:
I recently bough a snack-sized bag of Tom’s Mesquite Bar-B-Q Flavored Potato Chips from a vending machine at my high school. While I don’t normally indulge in vended foods, I had recently come across and unusual amount of pocket change and as I had previously sample, and enjoyed, the very same chips, I decided to purchase your confections for USD .55. I feel I must be completely honest with you, or else this letter would be subject to investigation for fraud, and (far worse in my opinion) I would no longer be able to consider myself a man of honor.
To begin with, I confess myself to have found your crisps quite tasty. In fact, it is likely that if ever I hunger for potato chips, and Tom’s are nearby, given that I have the require amount of monies, I will probably once again purchase, and enjoy your excellent foods in the future. The potato slices were fried to perfection, there was an appropriate amount of flavoring, and the taste was quite evidently mesquite barbecue sauce. The food was neither rotten nor moldy, nor were the chips overly crumbled. There was neither an excess of salt, nor a shortage of flavoring. The vegetable oil kept the chips moist enough to be palatable alone, but the taste was further improved with an accompanying beverage. I would like once again to emphasize that I found the your chips to be in any way lacking, rather I enjoyed them far more than I do many other brands and flavors of potato chips. Congratulations! And thank you.
However, I do not feel that I could fully thank you in any way less than that asked for specifically on the packaging. You asked me to request a refund with an explanation of why if, for any reason, I found myself not “completely satisfied” by your snack food. As enjoyable as the consumption of your chips was, I would be less than honest with you if I did not inform you of the ridiculous failing of your product in that regard.
Firstly, your chips did not entire satisfy me as a food product for a number of reasons. The Primary failing in this regard was that the serving of chips did not fill me up completely. In fact, it seemed to be largely composed of air, which, in and of itself, is not particularly filling. Within a few hours I was hungry enough to consume my normal portion of dinner. Secondly, the taste left something to be desired. I have tasted, in my life, more satisfying chocolates, to name only one food. I assure you, there are scores of dishes which I have tasted and, I can only imagine, hundreds more I haven’t that satisfy one’s taste buds much more thoroughly than these mesquite flavored Bar-B-Q chips. Tertiarily, I must say, these chips left my mouth just slightly parched. While these are sever lackings in your attempt to completely satisfy me, I have the unfortunate duty to report to you that even this is not all. There are far more areas of my life which aren’t completely satisfying, and to both my surprise and horror, your chips did nothing for them.
In addition to the severe culinary lacking of your chips, I found that your chips did nothing to aid me physically. In regards to my naturally outrageous good looks, which are already thoroughly satisfying in and of themselves, your product did nothing to actually aid my satisfaction. In fact, due to the high grease content of the chips, you’re product has probably aided in the formation of at least one pimple, which, as we all know, takes away from even divine beauty. As I am sure you can imagine, good looks come with a price: I tend to pity those unfortunate ones around me. Sadly, I must report that your product, though scrumptious, has done nothing to bring the level of beauty throughout the world to any level I would consider satisfying.
Also, I am sure you are aware of the amount of suffering in the world that transcends even that caused by poor aesthetics. Around the globe, millions live in poverty and pain. Children die in their mothers arms. Mothers die in their husbands arms. Even more die all alone, wallowing in slums and terrible conditions throughout the earth. Wars wage and innocents lose their lives, caught in the crossfire between soldiers and gang members, who don’t deserve death either, fighting with knives, guns, rockets, missiles, planes, ships, bombs, and even nuclear devices. How many untold thousands lost their lives to two bombs, containing less than a gram combined of plutonium in the Japanese hamlets of Hiroshima and Nagasaki? How many millions starve each year because pompous, arrogant, elitist, capitalistic swine sit on their laurels and drown in their own excess? How many billions suffer at the hands of their neighbors, who either take advantage of their situation, or deal out needless pain? And why, why oh why did your potato chip do nothing to stop it? Here I sit, presented with a package of potato chips which promises, quite clearly to leave me “completely satisfied”, but where lies this prophesied satisfaction? In the hands of the poor? No! The downtrodden? No! The underpaid and starving? No! I must inform you, even if it involves screaming from the rooftops, that your tasty confection has done nothing to aid the miserable plight of the shared community we call humanity, throughout the globe, from pole to pole, yellow, black, and white, even if I must call man, in all his shapes and sizes to link hands and march against oppression and hate, even if I must sacrifice my life, property, and sacred honor to give you this message: you chip has not satisfied me one iota!
Also, I was not completely satisfied sexually by your chips either, but I will live that where it lies.
Thank your for your time, I hope I was helpful in improving your product, and would be pleased to hear of improvement in any of the aforementioned categories. Especially that final one. In fact, communication via and unmarked package would probably be the preferable method of informing me if you have any clever innovations in that regard. I eagerly await your swift response.
Sincerely,
Spookymooky
I'm going to soon send this, any edits or revisions?
. That's all I have to say.
