About those mature guys....

[ShinRa]

I lied at the end of the last thread. I didn't get her back, I just wanted to try and forget about her. It's been 2 weeks now and I still can't get her off my mind. She told me it's over and we're better off as friends. Guys I really am in love with her and I want her back so bad, what do I have to do to show her I really am crazy about her?

 

[SLH]

Isn't it obvious? Show her this thread and the last one.


Seriously though, if one of you thinks your better off as friends, then they're probably right. You shouldn't have to convince someone to have a relationship that's gonna work.

 

[ShinRa]

Seriously man, I've been heartbroken the past 2 weeks, I really want her back so bad.

 

[MrWhite]

Well, the only really way to fix that is to get back with her or let it heal over time.

 

[ShinRa]

I'm thinking of just you know not speaking unless spoken to kinda thing. It just feels so hopeless but I want her back so bad.

 

[MrWhite]

Well try and break that with a truthful, and intelligent way to say "Hey, let's atleast get back on speaking terms"

 

[ShinRa]

Yea, it's been so silent lately. I mean I hurt her ignorantly when we went out, and now she just wants to be single. I need to prove to her somehow that I've changed.

 

[el Chi]

Originally posted by guinny
Yea, it's been so silent lately. I mean I hurt her ignorantly when we went out, and now she just wants to be single. I need to prove to her somehow that I've changed.

Can I ask what you did?
I think what you need to do is talk to her. even if you're worried about making the first move or seeming desperate or whatever, just go for it. Don't let there be things left unsaid. Talk to her and try and find out how she feels.
I know what you mean when you say things've been silent. It's awful.
Hey, I'm really sorry for you man. Longing for someone is a terrible thing.

 

[ShinRa]

Ok well, I have a tendency to joke around a bit too much. Sometimes I would go too far as to actually hurt her and not realize it. And she tried to talk to me about it, but I turned it into a fight. Now we separated. After that, 2 weeks go by and people start getting involved and she hears that I talk behind her back, and I didn't. So she said it's over and she thinks we should both move on and be friends. I've changed though and if she came back it'd be totally different. I realize what I had after I lost it, and I just want one last chance.

 

[el Chi]

You need to tell her exactly how you feel, no holds barred. I think. Scary thing to do, though. Of course she needs to give you a chance to say it to her (face-to-face is, of course, much better).

 

[ShinRa]

See I already told her how I feel. But I did it over the phone. Should I wait a few weeks, let things cool down, get her talking to me again, and then try again in person?

 

[MrWhite]

Originally posted by guinny
Yea, it's been so silent lately. I mean I hurt her ignorantly when we went out, and now she just wants to be single. I need to prove to her somehow that I've changed.

First get on neutral speaking ground, then you can work on that.


I may be bi but I know alot about relationships

 

[MrWhite]

Originally posted by guinny
See I already told her how I feel. But I did it over the phone. Should I wait a few weeks, let things cool down, get her talking to me again, and then try again in person?

Thats what I said

 

[ShinRa]

Alright. It's just you know when you hear a girl say it's over and we should move on, it hurts alot and brings your confidence down to shit. However, women don't usually mean it when they say it's over for good.

 

[MrWhite]

Yep, and thinhk about it, I would just go for it because-- what do you have to lose with her?

 

[ShinRa]

True. She's very stubborn and thick headed though, which is why it's making it so hard.

 

[MrWhite]

Good, that's something you can work with -- the worst would be indifference

Now there's a lesson starting in my Interactive Multimedia class so I'll be delayed in response

 

[ShinRa]

And even that I'm mostly wrong, most of her friends think breaking up was the wrong way to go about it. She could have handled it much better.

 

[MrWhite]

Yeah but she's a woman... well... girl,

they can do that, it's always all on the guys shoulders, and thats just the way it is

--------------
Lesson over with so im back

 

[Animal]

lol bi.

 

[MrWhite]

Originally posted by Animal
lol bi.

I love you too :dozey:

 

[el Chi]

Yes! lol! Bi!
Wait I don't get it... Sorry what was funny?

 

[RoyalEF]

Intersting that you say "you've changed". People really don't. They feel bad and control the way they act for a while, but change is part perspective, part fantasy. But you're young probably still young enough to go through changes--and you've apparently bought into that you have changed in someway.

But change can only be recognized a long while down the road. People stop partying and getting drunk and say I've changed, I've grown up. Interesting idea. I'm watching TV. Now I'm not watching TV...I've changed...I've grown. Nah... you just decided to do something different. You can be as reckless and irresponsible as a sober adult as a drunk teen.

I also found it interesting that you basically don't think she knows what she's doing.

She wants to be together but she's being stubborn. She knows she was wrong to break up. Breaking up is also uncomfortable and there is always a desire to just backslide into what was comfortable before. DOn't mean you were a thing of destiny. It means you dated for a while.

You've found all these friends of hers and got them to say to you that breaking up was "bad". People lie, especially in the teen/college years. Chances are they wouldn't say to you..yeah but you sucked and she's better off without you. You'd have to be a real dick for them to say the that kind of truth. And chances are when people tell you to move on you remember less of that and more of any glimmer of "try again".


Anytime I read these types of messages (like a Dear Abby thing) I always remind myself of the extreemes of relationaships. When people talk about how they "love" someone and talk like they "can't live without them" I think that some wife-beater is out there saying the same thing to his wife trying to convince her to stay so he can beat her some more. As loving and healthy a relationship can be it can also be obsessive, controlling, using, abusing, and sick. And everyone within that gamut uses the same words to describe how they feel about their partner.

 

[N0N1337H41]

I was living with a girl for almost three years we were engaged and just saving up money to have a nice wedding, and then we realized that we weren't good for eachother. I realized it first, then when we split I was so depressed that i dodn't really want to live at all. I didn't shower for weeks, I would just come from my shitty job to an empty apartment and cry all night. I ended up doing a whole lot of hard drugs for a long time (well.....about a year, but spending a year on X and meth is long enough) and then I finally realized that there was nothing I could do. I finally asked he to meet me (after I had stopped all of the bad stuff) in a public place so that we could talk face to face. We spent hours talking out side until it was so cold that we couldn't stand it anymore, I realized that what I had in my head that I missed were all of her better qualities and that we really were better off without eachother. She's left you for two main reasons:
1. She really didn't like you once she got really know you in a serious relationship. And if this is the case then you two really are better off in the end without eachother, because you can't make her like you and changing your behavoir in a major way to please your partner is not something you should need to do. You need to find someone who can accept you fr who you are. That is the real challenge in finding someone, not someone who's cool at first (like the first 6 months to a year) but someone who is great even after you've been with them for years.
2. Her eye was caught by someone else. If this is the case then you don't need her in your life period. Cheating significant other's are the worst and never change. Trust me.
I'm assuming that since you're looking for advice in the area that you're still young, and if you're young then you've got the awesome after high school years. Whether or not you go to college, the dating scene gets MUCH better after high school. I ended up getting together with girls that wouldn't give me the time of day in high school. It truly is a big world and girls outnumber us. You'll find one who you mesh with and when you realize it you'll see how trivial this girl really was in the end. I promise. I know this was a long-ass post, but I tried to kill myself over a girl onetime because no one seemed to give a shit about my situation, and I realize how important this stage in your life can be.

 

[hl2_mods]

man, listen to the older guys. Experience is the key.

 

[Stone]

people have basically said alot my friend, all I can offer is my heart felt sorrow for you, Guinny, and offer my support if you need it.

But guinny, my advice to you, is not to repeat your self so soon, repeat your self yes, but if you do always word it differently...

I really cannot add anymore to this at this moment my friend, I feel for you Guinny, and all that have lost....

 

[ShinRa]

Thanks guys, royal, white, stone,n0n1337.......I know what your saying. How when I say I love her, I really don't. But I've been with alot of girls in my life, and she's the first one I got a different feeling for. A feeling where just being around her made me feel great, and pleasure was just something small that came with the package. I guess I took advantage of it. But when she broke up with me, I really did realize how much of a dickhead I was to her, and I really aren't like that with other people....idk....maybe it's just time, but I have a feeling I'll never be completely over her.

 

[Wraith]

Originally posted by guinny
I lied at the end of the last thread. I didn't get her back, I just wanted to try and forget about her. It's been 2 weeks now and I still can't get her off my mind. She told me it's over and we're better off as friends. Guys I really am in love with her and I want her back so bad, what do I have to do to show her I really am crazy about her?

dude, you need to think about this rationally, if you DO get her back then what? she wont love you man. you cant MAKE someone love you. im sorry, you are going to have to move on.

:cheers:

 

[ShinRa]

She does love me though, believe me I know this. Not something I can explain really unless you want to hear the past year of my life, but she does.

 

[Fat Tony!]

Hmm possibly but maybe u just pissed her off and u need to make it up to her

 

[ShinRa]

I guess the only way to make it up to her is...as she said...be friends? And over time we'll see what happens?

 

[ShinRa]

Fat Tony have you ever been in love?

 

[RoyalEF]

Guinny, nobody knows the real deal here, so you'll probably end up doing what ever you are going to do. Whether you love or not can't be determined by anyone here.

You want to get here back, well you don't have that choice! SHe isn't up for ownership. You have to deal with why she doesn't want you back. "Sorry" is bullshit. Anyone can say words. Time proves out what is true. Its only been two weeks so major change probably hasn't happened.

If you treat people badly, don't be surprised if they write you out of their life. That goes for any relationship of any kind(family business friend lover) Do you understand why you did what you did yet? And what would stop it or something similar from happening once you are all comfortable again and your gaurd drops. You say you treated her different then others. Did you think less of her? Why treat her badly? If you cheat or violate trust--you never really get that back. The mistrust will always be in the back of someone's mind and at the first sign of trouble it comes roaring to life.

 

[LoneDeranger]

Yeah I agree with what most people said here. But instead of doing something stupid like taking drugs do something constructive like work out, buy a car, find a job. Not only will it make you feel better, but it will improve you chances in the future.

 

[Animal]

Originally posted by guinny
She does love me though, believe me I know this. Not something I can explain really unless you want to hear the past year of my life, but she does.

Denial is not a river in egypt...

 

[Frank]

Guinny, look at my signature...yes, keep looking. Now read it again. Ok?
I've decided to live by those rules...
All this falling in love crap will make your life turn into a living hell when it's all over. You'll (probably) feel guilt, anger, disappointment etc. I know I did and when I started in my new school 4 or 5 weeks ago I fell in love with a new girl. But then when I got to know her a bit better I was like "She's nice but only nice as a friend, you know?". Then on our intro-trip as it's called, where we get to meet eachother, cooperate in different games etc. this girl from my class came over to me while I was lying on the ground (grass) drawing. I had noticed her before because I thought her hair was neat! It's so curly and she's get these incredible eyes that'll make you think you're in wonderland. (I'll call her Alice even though that's not her real name) Well she came over and asked me if I was mad about something because I seemed pissed and I was like "no, I'm just tired, that's all". Then we started talking about music and she was like "Well, let's work something out one day, shall we?". I'm not really that good at talking to strangers but she was really nice to me and I felt that we had something to talk about.
Then a week or 2 later there's this party at our school for new students only and after a few beers (God, I hate beer!) me and one of my friends placed our asses outside at the entrance to the schoolyard. We sat there chatting for 30 minutes or so and then suddenly Alice and this other girl came around and sat down next to us. Alice was sitting reaaaally close to me and I didn't know how to react to it, should I nervous or happy? Then again we started talking and she found out that I'm not very good at remembering names so she started teaching me in all the peoples names. I swear, we sat there for 3 hours talking and it was great even though I knew she had a boyfriend.
Then I did something I shouldn't have done...
She got up and reached out for me so I could get up and I misunderstood what she meant so I held her hand and started walking with her. Maaaaaaaaan! I felt so stupid when I found out that she wasn't trying to hold my hand because she might have thought that I just wanted to see what was underneath those pants, which I didn't I just misunderstood her signals...****! When the party was over she got my cellphone number and she sent me an SMS as soon as I got home and then again we started talking. The next week we talked constantly to eachother and one evening to was ill so she asked me if I wanted to come and visit her and of course I would. We watched The Two Towers together and it was really nice because we both love Gollum in two different ways, she thinks he's pathetic and funny, and I think he's a fantastic CGI character and I actually feel sorry for him. We kept on writing to eachother and then last saturday we had decided to make a video-marathon so she came by at 1 PM and we watched Adaptation and Punch Drunk Love. The only thing that bugged me was that she was writing with one of her friends while we were watching the movie and it seemed as if she didn't care. She had been calling me sweetheart etc. over the phone but now it seemed as if she only went to visit me because she felt that she HAD to. Now it's been one week since and we've only talked a little bit together since then and I don't want to lose her as a friend. Yes, you read correctly, I said "friend". I've decided not to fall in love with anyone from my class (if possible), I just want them to be my friends and vice versa.
Women are extremely strange! One day they're calling you sweet names and the other day they don't talk to you at all and if you try to start a conversation they know how to finish it in a few words so they can "escape". In a way I don't want to send her any messages because it'll seem as if I'm desperate, but on the other hand...*sigh*.
So in a way I'm trying to live by the rule that I can love anyone I want to, but on the other hand I don't want to fall in love with her because it'll only cause problems...which it already has...

 

[Tork]

Originally posted by guinny
Seriously man, I've been heartbroken the past 2 weeks, I really want her back so bad.

Ive gotten my heart broken when i was 18 ... it took years to get over her. now that im 22 i couldnt care two sh*ts about her . There are other girls in the sea man, trust me as pretty or as much as you liked her there are 20 times better girls out there that you have no idea existed. The best thing to do now is walk away and never look back. you either jump with two feet or you dont jump at all.

 

[Animal]

I don't think you really get to choose who you fall in love with, at least from my experience.

It's just an uncontrollable emotion that you develop for someone through any interaction, be it from talking with them, doing things together or simply looking at them. It just happens really. Don't try to restrain your emotions, you'll fail.

I fell in love with a girl who i really didn't want to but i just couldn't help it, this was from only spending a small amount of time with her really. I couldn't think about anything else, it's complicated but i got over her. You will to guinny, and thx for sharing the info Frank.

 

[Animal]

Originally posted by Tork
Ive gotten my heart broken when i was 18 ... it took years to get over her. now that im 22 i couldnt care two sh*ts about her . There are other girls in the sea man, trust me as pretty or as much as you liked her there are 20 times better girls out there that you have no idea existed. The best thing to do now is walk away and never look back. you either jump with two feet or you dont jump at all.

It's true, like what i said.

 

[LoneDeranger]

Well I've gotten into this "love at first sight" thing with this girl .. really quite bizzare. When we talk to each other we don't mention a thing about it. But really we try to go around the subject for some reason. Every time I do something nice for her she just gives me this mysterious smile (as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking) which really turns me on. And everytime she does something nice for me I say "thank you" like I really, really mean it. And she just bursts out laughing which turns me on even more.

Either we both are really shy or we're just playing games with each other. I'm not sure.