Aimlessness

[Raziaar]

Yep. Another helplife2.net woe is me thread for Raziaar. :|

Except I'm not depressed or anything. I'm angry and frustrated. With myself.

I spend so much time studying, learning. Trying to teach myself new things. In fact, I barely touch games or do most other fun things anymore. I'm learning, training... doing something.

Programming.
3D Modeling.
Music.

Countless other things too.

Programming and 3D Modeling are my biggest pursuits. 3D Modeling is one of those things I have pursued for much of my life, as it has always been my dream career... to be a great 3d modeler for games or film/television. It's a failed dream really I realized, but I still come back to it time and time again. I put forth countless hours trying to better myself, and I always end up supremely frustrated with my lack of progress(as I am at this moment), and I move on to my second biggest pursuit.

Programming is that second pursuit. I actually didn't want to be a programmer. It sort of happened upon me as a dream after I realized I would probably never be a gifted 3d modeler. I've made tremendous amounts of progress with my programming, and have learned a great deal over the past couple of years.

The problem is though, my personality is flawed in the sense that in the midst of progress and lengthly studies/work, I abandon what I'm doing and I move on to something else. A different hobby, a new pursuit. Or just retreading past endeavors.

And in this constant shifting and aimless wandering I never really end up getting much of anything done. It's supremely frustrating, and it also has happened to me in other areas of life, particularly gaming, for a long time.

I don't know if it's a lack of attention span or motivation or what.

ARGH! Kill me now, please. End my life. Save me the trouble of this bullshit.

 

[Solaris]

I think your problem is you don't get out of the house enough.
Enroll in a university.

 

[Raziaar]

I think your problem is you don't get out of the house enough.
Enroll in a university.

Your logic is understandable, but it's faulty. I've been this way for a long, long time, even back before I was such a recluse and in this boring do nothing part of my life. I have always had great difficulty sticking to things I'm currently working on. I hop back and forth, rapidly.

 

[CptStern]

Programming and 3D Modeling are my biggest pursuits. 3D Modeling is one of those things I have pursued for much of my life, as it has always been my dream career... to be a great 3d modeler for games or film/television. It's a failed dream really I realized, but I still come back to it time and time again. I put forth countless hours trying to better myself, and I always end up supremely frustrated with my lack of progress(as I am at this moment), and I move on to my second biggest pursuit.

you are limiting yourself because it's all self taught. a formal class on 3d modeling would help you immensely. Also never say never. a friend of mine took civil engineering in college. last I heard he was doing those 3d walkthroughs you see in the housing market for a real estate agent making boatloads of money. Modeling doesnt have to be only for video games

Programming is that second pursuit. I actually didn't want to be a programmer. It sort of happened upon me as a dream after I realized I would probably never be a gifted 3d modeler. I've made tremendous amounts of progress with my programming, and have learned a great deal over the past couple of years.

The problem is though, my personality is flawed in the sense that in the midst of progress and lengthly studies/work, I abandon what I'm doing and I move on to something else. A different hobby, a new pursuit. Or just retreading past endeavors.

And in this constant shifting and aimless wandering I never really end up getting much of anything done. It's supremely frustrating, and it also has happened to me in other areas of life, particularly gaming, for a long time.

I don't know if it's a lack of attention span or motivation or what.

ARGH! Kill me now, please. End my life. Save me the trouble of this bullshit.

I've said this before raz: you are your own worst enemy. part of the problem is your low self esteem. failing at something should be a learning experience not a reason to give up. you are forever starting something and not finishing it because you dont have the confidence in your abilities to see it through to it's completion

 

[No Limit]

Your logic is understandable, but it's faulty. I've been this way for a long, long time, even back before I was such a recluse and in this boring do nothing part of my life. I have always had great difficulty sticking to things I'm currently working on. I hop back and forth, rapidly.

But why is that stopping you from enrolling in a class?

 

[Jintor]

GODDAMNIT RAZIAAR

GET A PSYCH

OR BE A MAN

LET A MAN'S BURNING SPIRIT FLOW THROUGH YOU

A MAN DOES NOT LOWER HIS HEAD UPON DEFEAT! A MAN STANDS ON HIS TWO LEGS, AND SMILES BACK AT THE WORLD! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU, RAZIAAR COW-AVATAR THE FIRST, CAN DO THIS!

HELPLIFETWODOTNET WILL BE HERE BEHIND YOU, BUT YOU MUST TAKE THESE STEPS ON YOUR OWN. WITH YOUR OWN TWO HANDS! WITH YOUR OWN TWO HANDS, BUILD THE PATH THAT WILL TAKE YOU TO THAT SHINING FUTURE!

Goddamnit Raziaar fill your goddamn heart with some goddamn spirit and use that willpower i know you have inside you and do something.

 

[CptStern]

I keep reading this thread's title as "Armlessness" and then picture raziaar as a giant tootsie roll with legs

 

[Raziaar]

I will take the time to respond to the posts before this one when I have a little bit more time later in the day.

For now I will just say that I think it's a false assumption that me getting a job and life will remedy the situation. It's something entirely separate and different.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

I had to look up Tootsie Roll. I'm pretty sure that this actually looks like Raziaar.

Also I realise that there are arms and no legs.

Spoiler

 

[CptStern]

he's a neck beard he's not cute!

 

[Qonfused]

I feel as if that baby is going to attack me at any moment.

 

[jet_porkins]

As stated before, there are classes you can take for both 3d modeling as well as programming. Don't be the "if at first it doesn't succeed, give up" guy.

 

[CptStern]

I think money for tuition is part of the problem. these sort of courses dont come cheap

 

[Sulkdodds]

Therapist?

Come to England and all the English halflifers can rape you up.

 

[Raziaar]

you are limiting yourself because it's all self taught. a formal class on 3d modeling would help you immensely. Also never say never. a friend of mine took civil engineering in college. last I heard he was doing those 3d walkthroughs you see in the housing market for a real estate agent making boatloads of money. Modeling doesnt have to be only for video games

I've said this before raz: you are your own worst enemy. part of the problem is your low self esteem. failing at something should be a learning experience not a reason to give up. you are forever starting something and not finishing it because you dont have the confidence in your abilities to see it through to it's completion

I know. Everything you say is correct. A big part of the problem is that I am self taught. I have purchased some great learning courses from 3DBuzz on C# programming... and they are absolutely amazing. I dare say they would probably be better than an average and even great teacher, because they are superbly ****ing in depth and fantastic. That being said though... I'm sure having an instructor there to help you along when you have problems would be a big benefit.

I'm not always moving on from thing to thing because I am failing each time. It's often the case that I get sidetracked and I can't keep my attention focused on that thing, and I drift to something else for a while before coming back. You're right that I have self esteem issues that bleed into this area of my life too though.

But why is that stopping you from enrolling in a class?

No, it's not. Things like money and stuff are.

GODDAMNIT RAZIAAR

GET A PSYCH

OR BE A MAN

LET A MAN'S BURNING SPIRIT FLOW THROUGH YOU

A MAN DOES NOT LOWER HIS HEAD UPON DEFEAT! A MAN STANDS ON HIS TWO LEGS, AND SMILES BACK AT THE WORLD! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU, RAZIAAR COW-AVATAR THE FIRST, CAN DO THIS!

HELPLIFETWODOTNET WILL BE HERE BEHIND YOU, BUT YOU MUST TAKE THESE STEPS ON YOUR OWN. WITH YOUR OWN TWO HANDS! WITH YOUR OWN TWO HANDS, BUILD THE PATH THAT WILL TAKE YOU TO THAT SHINING FUTURE!

Goddamnit Raziaar fill your goddamn heart with some goddamn spirit and use that willpower i know you have inside you and do something.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I FEEL SO ****ING PUMPED UP! YEAH... YEAH! FUCK YOU WORLD I'M COMING TO TAKE YOU DOWN! Crap... I've lost my drive.

I had to look up Tootsie Roll. I'm pretty sure that this actually looks like Raziaar.

Wow... that's creepily and uncannily just like me!

As stated before, there are classes you can take for both 3d modeling as well as programming. Don't be the "if at first it doesn't succeed, give up" guy.

I think money for tuition is part of the problem. these sort of courses dont come cheap

Yep. Expensive stuff. Oh and jet_porkins... when it comes to programming and 3D and stuff I'm not really a give up guy. I'm more of a fade off to black and then later fade in from black kind of guy. I come back again and again and again. That takes persistence. Either that or I'm just a poor misguided fool because I'm wasting a lot of time in the process.

I swear I have ADD.

Therapist?

Come to England and all the English halflifers can rape you up.

No way man!

 

[Qonfused]

Rape is good for motivation.

And the asshole.

 

[StardogChampion]

Learn something easier, like Graphic Design, then go freelance. Easy money.

 

[PJ]

Join some kind of mod team or something. That is free and will keep your mind on track.

But classes, if you can afford, I'm sure will be worthwhile. My brother has a sort of obsession thing, when he wants to become a gamemaker with FPS Creator one month, and suddenly he want to be a musician with his mates. Hes gets easily side tracked. He's never really had classes in anything though, so he has never been into anything enough to stick to it. If you have classes, you may find that you become more interested, and therefore have a better chance of sticking to it.

First, just force yourself to make something, be it a website or a simple program in C#/++ or whatever, and keep your mind on it until it is done. Then you will have showed yourself you are capable of finishing something, and your ability to do so in the future will be easier, and your self-esteem with also rise.

Then as I said, you may feel more confident to join a mod team or even apply for a job as some kind of 3D Modeller.

 

[barbarbarbarbar]

All of that hard studying will pay off sooner or later and you will be proud of yourself

 

[barbarbarbarbar]

Rape is good for motivation.

And the asshole.

What is it with you and anuses?

 

[VirusType2]

What is it with you and anuses?

What's up with you and your anuses?

 

[barbarbarbarbar]

What's up with you and your anuses?

Hemorrhoids

 

[repiV]

If you can't stick with something, then you're obviously not motivated enough to do it. This isn't a criticism, but rather an indication that you need to either reevaluate whether these are things you really want to achieve, or why you lack motivation to put in the legwork if they are things you really do want to do deep down.

For now I will just say that I think it's a false assumption that me getting a job and life will remedy the situation. It's something entirely separate and different.

I don't think it is. If you have a lazy life, you have a lazy mind - and vice versa. When you aren't working, you never appreciate the value of your spare time because you have infinite amounts of it. When you're out of the house 12 hours a day all week either working or travelling to work, those few hours in the evening and your weekends become a lot more precious and a lot more productive as a result.

If you're unhappy or depressed as you seem to be, that isn't going to help your motivation to do stuff either.

Alternatively, it could just be that the day to day reality of your aspirations doesn't actually suit you and that's why you can't stick with it. I used to think I wanted to write novels, and writing is something I have a clear talent for. I would always be thinking of all sorts of ideas for stories etc, but I could never get much actually put down on paper before I got bored and gave up.

Turns out, I like the idea of writing a story, but I like the grand themes and plotlines involved and when it comes down to putting each individual sentence down, I just can't be arsed as I'm not a small details kind of person.

Now I found motorcycles instead and I could happily ride them, read or talk about them all day, every day.

Maybe it's the same for you - you think it's your calling but actually it's not. Maybe it's a combination of the above factors.

 

[nurizeko]

Yep. Another helplife2.net woe is me thread for Raziaar. :|

Except I'm not depressed or anything. I'm angry and frustrated. With myself.

I spend so much time studying, learning. Trying to teach myself new things. In fact, I barely touch games or do most other fun things anymore. I'm learning, training... doing something.

Programming.
3D Modeling.
Music.

Countless other things too.

Programming and 3D Modeling are my biggest pursuits. 3D Modeling is one of those things I have pursued for much of my life, as it has always been my dream career... to be a great 3d modeler for games or film/television. It's a failed dream really I realized, but I still come back to it time and time again. I put forth countless hours trying to better myself, and I always end up supremely frustrated with my lack of progress(as I am at this moment), and I move on to my second biggest pursuit.

Programming is that second pursuit. I actually didn't want to be a programmer. It sort of happened upon me as a dream after I realized I would probably never be a gifted 3d modeler. I've made tremendous amounts of progress with my programming, and have learned a great deal over the past couple of years.

The problem is though, my personality is flawed in the sense that in the midst of progress and lengthly studies/work, I abandon what I'm doing and I move on to something else. A different hobby, a new pursuit. Or just retreading past endeavors.

And in this constant shifting and aimless wandering I never really end up getting much of anything done. It's supremely frustrating, and it also has happened to me in other areas of life, particularly gaming, for a long time.

I don't know if it's a lack of attention span or motivation or what.

ARGH! Kill me now, please. End my life. Save me the trouble of this bullshit.

Shouldn't you be talking to a shrink about this stuff?. I mean, I always thought having a therapist seemed an eccentricity of the rich and bored or actually mentally unhinged.


If you aren't great at 3D modelling why is it such a problem?. I like art but I could never turn it into a career even if I became jaw droppingly good because its my hobby, not a job.

Just get out more, try new things until you find something you love doing.

And if that's still 3D modelling, then just model, no-ones forcing you to do anything.


But I agree with RepiV, getting out more really does improve ones perspective.

When I am bored off my tits I call up a friend or two and go hang out, go for drinks, whatever, and afterwards I am buzzing with ideas I've had while hanging out for stuff like art or photography or whatever.

So yeah, basically if your getting bored and frustrated with the things your currently doing, do something else, in some new surroundings.

Its good you like learning, because what is life if not just one big lesson?.

Go out, meet new people, go new places, even if its just talking a walk down a road you haven't been down before.

Most of all, cheer up.

 

[No Limit]

If you're ever in Albuquerque let me know; I'll find a chick you can bone, maybe that will lighten you up a bit. I think your entire view of the world is just totally ****ed. If school is the best option you should be figuring how to get in to it, saying it's too expenisve and giving up there is a cop out. I took adobe illustrator classes last year for $40 (plus another $40 for a book) at a community college here; it's really not that expensive. I'm sure you have community colleges in your area.

 

[CptStern]

$40? holy shit I paid $500+ for my first illustrator course at a community college

 

[VirusType2]

I took Adobe Illustrator, though I've never used it.

:3

OT though, for aimlessness, you need aim. Aim isn't easy. It takes practice and concentration, breath control, careful calculations of variables. Take AIM, and Hit the target. YAY

I think you can apply that to deadly weapons as well as your goals in life

 

[No Limit]

$40? holy shit I paid $500+ for my first illustrator course at a community college

Really? Classes here are cheap as hell. The $40 is the registration fee (1 fee for all your classes, I just happened to only take one) and books are usually cheap; especially if you buy them online. Also, took a inDesign class which I had to drop because of my schedule, that came out to about the same amount. The illustrator class kind of sucked because the instructor didn't know what she was talking about; but at least I got to meet some good looking girls. The inDesign class was awesome, I regret having to drop it. For $40 you simply can't beat it, I take a class each semester now just for the hell of it.

 

[Sledgehammer]

When I try to learn something new I'm amazed when I get the slightest progress. Especially when I can any product, no matter how unpolished or unfinished it is. I laughed delightedly when I made a rotating eye. It's the only 3d modeling I've ever done, and it was very simple, to be honest.

Do what you're best at, being amazing.

 

[VirusType2]

Raz, see if you can apply any of your skills, work, or knowledge into something to show for it.

Like for me, I've made lots of unfinished music. My goal is just polishing up the most complete songs I've made as of yet, and put them onto a CD. A Demo CD. I've resolved to stop making new songs until I've completed some of the ones I've got.

Maybe you could finish up a model and show it off using Fraps or something, then put it on youtube or just show it to family.


And

CptStern was right about the 3D model virtual tour career. I think that's a great suggestion.

Also, you said at one time you'd love a 3D game where you build stuff like with lumber or whatever. Architects make huge money.

 

[Raziaar]

If you're ever in Albuquerque let me know; I'll find a chick you can bone, maybe that will lighten you up a bit. I think your entire view of the world is just totally ****ed. If school is the best option you should be figuring how to get in to it, saying it's too expenisve and giving up there is a cop out. I took adobe illustrator classes last year for $40 (plus another $40 for a book) at a community college here; it's really not that expensive. I'm sure you have community colleges in your area.

What does sex have to do with any of this? I would refuse it anyway.

I honestly don't think school is the best answer for me. But people keep putting it up as the only damn sane, logical path.

When I try to learn something new I'm amazed when I get the slightest progress. Especially when I can any product, no matter how unpolished or unfinished it is. I laughed delightedly when I made a rotating eye. It's the only 3d modeling I've ever done, and it was very simple, to be honest.

Do what you're best at, being amazing.

Yeah... I am pretty damn amazing.

Raz, see if you can apply any of your skills, work, or knowledge into something to show for it.

Like for me, I've made lots of unfinished music. My goal is just polishing up the most complete songs I've made as of yet, and put them onto a CD. A Demo CD.

Maybe you could finish up a model and show it off using Fraps or something, then put it on youtube or just show it to family.


And

CptStern was right about the 3D model virtual tour career. I think that's a great suggestion.

Also, you said at one time you'd love a 3D game where you build stuff like with lumber or whatever. Architects make huge money.

Very few modeling things to show for all the hundreds, if not thousands of hours I have spent trying to learn and reading/watching tutorials and stuff.

I've made about half a dozen programs though.

 

[VirusType2]

edited: Try to finish up something

 

[No Limit]

What does sex have to do with any of this? I would refuse it anyway.

Nevermind...

I honestly don't think school is the best answer for me. But people keep putting it up as the only damn sane, logical path.

What's your alternative? What harm is there in taking one class a couple days a week for a few short months?

 

[Geogaddi]

If he doesn't want free sex I'll take it.

 

[sinkoman]

As much as you want to deny it, they're right. You've definitely gotta get out, get a job, and find a life outside of the house. Once you get out, you'll deffo find a reason to stick with something.

As long as you stay inside, you'll be as free as you want to flutter in between all of these hobbies. It's some shitty ass freedom, as i'm sure you've already figured out. Gotta find something that motivates you to stick to one of your hobbies and really let it blossom, and you aren't going to find that inside.

I say you go outside and get an active hobby. It'll help you figure out what you like. You can please the mind as much as you want, same with the body, but until they're both happy, nothing will make sense.

Think about it this way. If you can't find a life outside of your house, then what's the point of being alive inside of it?

School would be good for you not to expand your abilities, but to expand your entire mind. You seem like you're frozen in some sort of infinitely depressing routine that revolves around being home, and going to school would be an excellent way to break it.

YOU BETTER MAKE A REPLY TO THIS POST

 

[Dodo]

Start working on a portfolio! You cant become a 3D artist without an portfolio...

-Practice polygon modelling (low poly)
-Try UVW mapping
-Texture something
-make some pretty renders of what you made

do this a few times, till you have a few cool props/characters

-put them in a portfolio

-apply as a modeller in a mod team

-put that on your portfolio

-look for a 3D job

-PROFIT!


oh and get out of your god damn house, go for a run or something.
When your putting on your shoes to leave the house, ffs, keep them on and proceed with your plan. Stick it to the man dude...

: )

-dodo

edit: Oh and Raz, if you have any questions or want advice on starting your 3D modelling career, i here for ya buddy, pm me. <3

 

[highlander]

Barbarbar ect ect is banned?


**** yeah.

 

[CptStern]

I honestly don't think school is the best answer for me. But people keep putting it up as the only damn sane, logical path

because it is, in your particular case. not only does it teach you things you might not have discovered on your own but it prepares you for how things are done in a workplace enviroment. Then there's contacts/networking with peers/potential employees etc. anyways you'd be surprised how much you'll get out of a class as opposed to just relying on what you learn yourself. my skills in quarkXpress and illustrator jumped immensly when I took a course years ago ..and best of all since I was already familiar with the program I was leaps and bounds ahead of the class. that experience proved invaluabe as half the illustrator class dropped out before the end; too little time to develop skills on such a complex program/concept. some of the people who were in the class had no prior computer experience (this was in the pre-interweb days)


bottom line; you need to get out of your routine; set up a schedule. get up at a decent hour, go to the employment center, work on a portfolio (if you go this route, you must commit yourself to working with a goal in mind within a specific timeframe, it'll teach you to budget time; think of it as a deadline). do something productive with your life. once you have a definate goal/purpose you'll start feeling better about yourself

 

[Remus]

Like others suggested focus on finishing projects you start, even if you don't feel motivated, force yourself to finish. Build up a portfolio. If you only like 3d modeling and don't like texturing and other stuff, focus on that in particular.

-Practice polygon modelling (low poly)
-Try UVW mapping
-Texture something
-make some pretty renders of what you made

do this a few times, till you have a few cool props/characters

-put them in a portfolio

-apply as a modeller in a mod team

-put that on your portfolio

-look for a 3D job

-PROFIT!

That's basicaly what I've done, and am currently reaching the PROFIT stage, the only difference is I didn't join any mod teams, I modded solo.

 

[Dodo]

Like others suggested focus on finishing projects you start, even if you don't feel motivated, force yourself to finish. Build up a portfolio. If you only like 3d modeling and don't like texturing and other stuff, focus on that in particular.



That's basicaly what I've done, and am currently reaching the PROFIT stage, the only difference is I didn't join any mod teams, I modded solo.

Well, i think learning the basics of texturing is a must, even if your not good at it ... its good being able to say you know the basics. Alot of companies dont have seperate modelling and texture artist's... so it can only help being able to do some texture work.

Anyways hope you get to that profit soon Remus... : )

-dodo