Amazon game reviewers are retards.

[TheSomeone]

I was looking through the amazon reviews for splinter cell: Chaos Theory since I'm considering getting it, and I found these:

score: ***

I only tried to play the demo. But I have to say right up front that the third-person perspective hurts this game. Having extensively played another stealth game called Thief, from the first-person perspective, I find the third-person perspective of Splinter Cell downright unacceptable. Perhaps the game maker will see the light and go first-person in the next game.

I also found that this game taxed my computer. I have a 2.6 GHz computer with a 128MB video card, but the game video was sticky even at 800x600 resolution. I think that if we could get rid of watching the player's character from the third-person perspective and instead use a first-person perspective, this might alleviate some of the video problem.

This one was written before the game came out:

Score: * (minimum)

Who really cares about graphics with a game like this, anyone who cares knows what they want, and knows they arnt gonna get it with this. The first splintercell game, in my opinion, sucked, the AI was so lame, and badly programmed. The second one sucked to, accept the multiplayer which was a great addition and innovative new way to play with friends at LAN parties... but the second one had so many problems, i hate Ubisoft... sooo.. I just hope this game doesn't suck so much.. and im reviewing this to try and counter HotShots review of the game before it came out... cause that's just lame dude.. lame..

75% of the reviewrs actually haven't even played the game, just the demo.

 

[Kamikazie]

i have played the game and i think that it kicks ass, you should get it!

 

[TheSomeone]

I think I will, thanks Kami.

I looked at the HL2 reviews for shits and giggles:

Score: *

The few minutes of play between these annoying puzzles are fine, but [the puzzles] ruin the flow of the game.

Right below that, Score: *

Just another run n'gun

Do NOT under any circumstances buy this game for any reason whatsoever. It will not run on your system, or any system at all for that matter. The steam engine, which is what runs all of Valve's games at this point in time, does not work. There is no fix. There is no workaround.

Then how come I played it you ****in retard?

 

[VirusType2]

Ya dude, reviews are best left to the profesionals.

I'd imagine if most of us were reviewers we'd be quoted as saying shit like, "This shit is horrible, and just goes to show that this ancient PS2 hardware isn't worth a **** anymore. blah blah blah, you should just get a PC and if you get this game, everything about it sucks.' I only downloaded the video demo of it, but im 100% sure the game sucks Score .5

then other places review it and it gets a 9 or 10

 

[Harryz]

I was about to get Chaos Theory for a mere £10 at play.com. Then I read about Starfox - it ****s up your computer, BIG TIME.

 

[TheSomeone]

A shitload of games use StarForce. So good luck.

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[VictimOfScience]

I would trust those "reviews" about as much as I would trust the "reviews" on the EBGames site--Written by children who have never played the game usually.

Its actually funny how many book authors get their family and friends to write up good reviews of their titles. I have no doubt the same thing goes on in all of the sections. Likewise, I am sure there are many who badmouth just to be a jerk and Amazon happens to give them this little mouthpiece with which to spread their hate.

Some of the reviews of CDs and books have been really helpful though, so you just have to be careful when looking to them for guidance.

 

[Xune]

I heard that while the single player section of the game uses the new engine, the multiplayer part still uses the Pandora Tomorrow engine. That's a massive putoff for me (along with starforce) considering I'd be buying it mainly for the multiplayer aspect of the game.

 

[Prince of China]

I wonder what those idiots said about Warrior Within.

Do NOT under any circumstances buy this game for any reason whatsoever. It will not run on your system, or any system at all for that matter. The steam engine, which is what runs all of Valve's games at this point in time, does not work. There is no fix. There is no workaround.

Steam Engine? Don't you mean, the Source Engine? I see what you mean. When people open their mouths and blab like idiots, they should get their facts right.

 

[DiSTuRbEd]

I thought they were pretty funny when commenting on Jack Thompson's book. LOL