Antidepressants

Stigmata

Stigmata

The Freeman
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So, I'm filling a prescription for Wellbutrin in about two hours. Does anyone have any experience with this pharmaceutical? I'm wary of its effect on the seizure threshold, but it supposedly helps with both depression and ADHD, so... maybe it's worth it. The last antidepressant I was on, Zoloft, gave me (among other things like, er, sexual side effects) flattened affect, i.e. all my emotions were dulled. I didn't feel depressed but I didn't really feel anything else either. I really hope this won't be a repeat situation.
 
Eat chocolate. Best antidepressant ever.
 
I don't know bro, since I've never been on any medication. Just be incredibly careful of the suicide increase risk that so many of those seem to cause. I don't understand why it is they would increase the risk of something they're supposed to help combat. I've seen that with a lot of things. Must be a chemistry aspect I haven't studied.
 
Wellbutrin has less side-effects than the SSRIs (like Zoloft), if it works properly you'll be less anxious about stuff as well. When it works for people, supposedly it works quite well, so try to be optimistic. There's actually less potential for risky side effects than with something like Zoloft.
 
I have a good friend who is on some stuff, and really it seems like it's just ****ing him up further. Screwed up sleep schedule, insomnia, etc, which just makes it worse than how it was originally.

If you can keep control of the sleep, I guess it'll be fine, but personally I'm not much of a medication person at all.
 
I just popped my first one. I'm scared ;_;

Raziaar said:
I don't know bro, since I've never been on any medication. Just be incredibly careful of the suicide increase risk that so many of those seem to cause. I don't understand why it is they would increase the risk of something they're supposed to help combat. I've seen that with a lot of things. Must be a chemistry aspect I haven't studied.
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Yeah it's pretty ****ed, it's almost like SSRI's make you "care less" across the board, where you don't care about your physical well-being or your feelings. Zoloft did that to me, though thankfully I didn't end up having any objective reasons to kill myself. It was all emotional for me, so when my emotions disappeared, so did my desire for death.
 
Yeah I plan on never touching an SSRI again in my life.

My skin feels a little tingly. It's probably nothing though.
 
Is it having any noticeable positive effect on your mood yet?
 
Indeterminate! I'm finding it easier to smile without feeling stupid about it, and I actually managed to have a short conversation with my brother for once. I'm chalking it up to placebo effect so far though.
 
Stigmata said:
Indeterminate! I'm finding it easier to smile without feeling stupid about it, and I actually managed to have a short conversation with my brother for once. I'm chalking it up to placebo effect so far though.
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Do you mind me asking what your depression stems from? Whats causing it to stay? What's causing you to stop it without taking medication?

If you don't feel like answering I understand, but if you do and don't want to share it then PM me.
 
No it's cool, I'm generally far more open about this than I should be.

I'm pretty sure it all stems from my dad figuring out, at age six, that I wasn't going to be carrying on his legacy of being good at sports. So he took to criticising everything I was and everything I did. I started removing myself from situations where he was around, and I guess it spiralled out of control to the point where I just remove myself from everything by default. Over time I realised/remembered what it was about life that was missing, and the immense difficulty of disabling this disassociation takes a toll on me. It drains me mentally. It's simply too easy for me to fall back into a state of disassociation, if I ever manage to pull myself out for a few minutes in the first place.
 
You sound a lot like me in some ways, bro. Except the sport thing... I mean, the dad aspect, I'm god awful at sports. Never did like them, except for unconventional ones like ping pong or paintball and airsoft.

I also don't have much of an issue discussing personal issues with online friends. I have immense difficulty discussing that sort of stuff with family though. I just can't do it. When I have problems I just bottle it up inside and vent to the online world.

I guess part of the ease of doing that is because being online helps me to not be emotional. I don't do well being emotional, and at least online I can form what I want to say coherently(I fail at that online recently too) and taking my time if I need to. If I have to discuss something personal or emotional to anybody in my family in real life... in person, I just get all choked up.


I wouldn't let the legacy thing bother you too much. I mean, I know it will, but the way I look at it, is I find the whole legacy thing kind of bullshit, unless you want to do it. I feel like I'm kind of a failure because I've gone nowhere with my life, done nothing with it, and can't help but feel I've let my family and especially my dad down, but I know that he loves me regardless. I really sort of treat the whole legacy thing, or what my family expects from me as far as legacy goes, to be secondary. I come first in those regards, because it's my life, not their's. Case in point, if my mom or my dad ever wanted grandchildren, then they might have to let that dream fade because I don't want kids, at least I can't forsee myself wanting any at this point in my life right now, or any time in the foreseeable future. I couldn't care less if my "name" dies with me.

Uhh... I think I'm rambling. I'll shut up now.
 
Stigmata said:
No it's cool, I'm generally far more open about this than I should be.

I'm pretty sure it all stems from my dad figuring out, at age six, that I wasn't going to be carrying on his legacy of being good at sports. So he took to criticising everything I was and everything I did. I started removing myself from situations where he was around, and I guess it spiralled out of control to the point where I just remove myself from everything by default. Over time I realised/remembered what it was about life that was missing, and the immense difficulty of disabling this disassociation takes a toll on me. It drains me mentally. It's simply too easy for me to fall back into a state of disassociation, if I ever manage to pull myself out for a few minutes in the first place.
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This is what I find weird in life. Why is it SO easy for bad things to happen - for people to feel sad, angry, depressed, anxious etc..but it's much harder for good things to come our way like excitement, happiness etc.

I hope you get better man and I hope the meds act as a catalyst for your brain to start reprogramming itself into being more positive until eventually you can cut the dosage down until you don't need to take them anymore and your brain functions like that naturally. (not sure if that's how these meds are supposed to work - just speculating lol).
 
Of interest to you:

L-Theanine
GABA
Taurine
Inositol
Magnesium
Niacin
Glycine
Passion Flower extract

That should calm you down. :)

Oh, and Omega 3's, in particular EPA, DHA, and ALA.
 
Stigmata said:
The last antidepressant I was on, Zoloft, gave me (among other things like, er, sexual side effects) flattened affect, i.e. all my emotions were dulled. I didn't feel depressed but I didn't really feel anything else either.
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This is the same thing I've experienced from every anti-depressant I've ever been on. Flattened mood, easier not to care about my situation, even the "sexual side effects" (which has actually been advantageous in the past, but the last one I was on made it punishingly hard to feel anything, which made sex and even masturbation kind of an uphill battle :x). This always has the effect of making things easier to "deal" with, but the upshot of not dwelling on your problems is that you tend to ignore them more readily, which can make you less motivated to actually confront them. In some cases this might be fine if the only thing preventing you from moving past your depression is the depression itself, but it can be detrimental to anything that requires some kind of proactive solution (such as specific anxiety disorders, like the one I'm suffering from).

Anyway, I'm sure you already knew all of this, just confirming you're not the only one to feel that way I guess.
 
Stigmata said:
No it's cool, I'm generally far more open about this than I should be.

I'm pretty sure it all stems from my dad figuring out, at age six, that I wasn't going to be carrying on his legacy of being good at sports. So he took to criticising everything I was and everything I did. I started removing myself from situations where he was around, and I guess it spiralled out of control to the point where I just remove myself from everything by default. Over time I realised/remembered what it was about life that was missing, and the immense difficulty of disabling this disassociation takes a toll on me. It drains me mentally. It's simply too easy for me to fall back into a state of disassociation, if I ever manage to pull myself out for a few minutes in the first place.
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My situation is not totally unlike yours, in that it's a lot like yours. Going to University will be a heaven-sent for you duder.
 
How old are you? I feel sometimes doctors are to quick to throw pills at young adults. I've had friends ruin relationships and more due to the fact the medicine completely changed them. Like you said, you don't feel anything while your on them. You should try seeing a physiologist or psychiatrist.
 
Just saw a law firm ad on the telly the other day about claiming compensation if you lost a loved one to suicide and they were taking anti-depressants. Just saying.
 
ramsfan said:
How old are you? I feel sometimes doctors are to quick to throw pills at young adults. I've had friends ruin relationships and more due to the fact the medicine completely changed them. Like you said, you don't feel anything while your on them. You should try seeing a physiologist or psychiatrist.
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I'm 22. I've always resisted the idea of antidepressants, and I only really took Zoloft because I felt slightly pressured by my at-the-time psychiatrist. This time, I started taking Wellbutrin out of desperation. I think it's helping, though. I feel a bit more energetic and able to focus after being on this for two days. It's not an SSRI like Zoloft, so it works on different receptors in the brain. I wasn't two days ago, but now I'm pretty sure taking this was a good decision. :p
 
Stigmata said:
I'm 22. I've always resisted the idea of antidepressants, and I only really took Zoloft because I felt slightly pressured by my at-the-time psychiatrist. This time, I started taking Wellbutrin out of desperation. I think it's helping, though. I feel a bit more energetic and able to focus after being on this for two days. It's not an SSRI like Zoloft, so it works on different receptors in the brain. I wasn't two days ago, but now I'm pretty sure taking this was a good decision. :p
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You said earlier that Zoloft numbs your feelings right? Why do psychiatrists recommend Zoloft when there is such a high risk of suicide involved?

I'm glad the new meds are helping so far.
 
AKIRA said:
You said earlier that Zoloft numbs your feelings right? Why do psychiatrists recommend Zoloft when there is such a high risk of suicide involved?
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Because the company that developed and marketed Zoloft paid doctors to prescribe it, when Zoloft was still a patented compound. And because of that, it's now hugely popular, even though it only helps marginally with a few overly-specific depression symptoms while suppressing emotional thought.

****in' corporations, man.
 
weed always made me happy back in the day. that and trying to always be around my best friends. what i really hate is growing older and everyone is slowly drifting apart because of jobs, girlfriends, children, etc
 
Warped said:
weed always made me happy back in the day. that and trying to always be around my best friends. what i really hate is growing older and everyone is slowly drifting apart because of jobs, girlfriends, children, etc
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THIS. Seems like the only time my friends and I get together are on weekends because apparently everyone is 45 and has 3 kids and a wife during weekdays...pisses me off:angry:
 
what are you so depressed about? sorry if it was another thread Ive been gone off and on
 
He's already posted it, bro.

Stigmata said:
No it's cool, I'm generally far more open about this than I should be.

I'm pretty sure it all stems from my dad figuring out, at age six, that I wasn't going to be carrying on his legacy of being good at sports. So he took to criticising everything I was and everything I did. I started removing myself from situations where he was around, and I guess it spiralled out of control to the point where I just remove myself from everything by default. Over time I realised/remembered what it was about life that was missing, and the immense difficulty of disabling this disassociation takes a toll on me. It drains me mentally. It's simply too easy for me to fall back into a state of disassociation, if I ever manage to pull myself out for a few minutes in the first place.
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ah cool story.

well not COOL but I mean informative. you know what I mean. Get off the pills and smoke bud it'll probably help more.
 
Back in early August 2008 is when I stopped taking Zoloft, so... pretty much from then until last Tuesday. :p
 
Did you try cold turkey yet from all the pills not just 1 type? Give it a shot.
 
When you were on zoloft, what was your dosage? High dosages can really sedate people, numbing them etc leading to that 'i feel neither high nor low, just neutral'.

Do you have a decent GP? I'm guessing he recommended your psychiatrist to you. Do you still see your GP or just the psychiatrist?
 
I've been on them for three years. They're all fine and dandy.
 
Well I've been on Wellbutrin for ten days now. Dosage was ramped up from 150 to 300mg per day on Tuesday. I'm noticing that it's easier to concentrate, and my emotions seem to be amplified, which is a good step up from the nothing I was feeling before.

But now I remember why I stopped feeling emotions in the first place: I have absolutely crushing, debilitating, omnipresent brick-wall anxiety. I broke down crying because I couldn't get a building to look right in the Hammer editor. I broke down crying, again, because I was looking for apartments in Peterborough. Someone I like pops up on Facebook, my thoughts literally seize up for a good ten or fifteen seconds, and I close the window, face in my hands, just ****ing ashamed of myself and how weak my will is.

I hate the universe right now. My genetics have cursed me with lifelong alienation. If I am able to feel, I am unable to talk to anyone. If I am able to talk to people, I feel nothing. I know that life is unfair, but this is just cruel.
 
I'm not going to say I know how you feel, but I can relate to life being cruel in that way. The thought that the only thing between you and leading a normal life (relatively speaking) is "all in your head" can be a crushing one when you feel powerless to change it. I find it incredibly difficult to deal with at times, to the point where I've basically just shut off thinking about it. Even writing this post I can't really bring myself to care.

Anyway, I wish I had more to offer than platitudes, but try to hang in there dude. There's always tomorrow.
 
Stigmata said:
Well I've been on Wellbutrin for ten days now. Dosage was ramped up from 150 to 300mg per day on Tuesday. I'm noticing that it's easier to concentrate, and my emotions seem to be amplified, which is a good step up from the nothing I was feeling before.

But now I remember why I stopped feeling emotions in the first place: I have absolutely crushing, debilitating, omnipresent brick-wall anxiety. I broke down crying because I couldn't get a building to look right in the Hammer editor. I broke down crying, again, because I was looking for apartments in Peterborough. Someone I like pops up on Facebook, my thoughts literally seize up for a good ten or fifteen seconds, and I close the window, face in my hands, just ****ing ashamed of myself and how weak my will is.

I hate the universe right now. My genetics have cursed me with lifelong alienation. If I am able to feel, I am unable to talk to anyone. If I am able to talk to people, I feel nothing. I know that life is unfair, but this is just cruel.
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Up until I was about 12 years old, I remember having instances where the likes of children's nursery rhymes, laughter, or just generally watching groups of young people have fun would bring me close to tears, combinations of such would literally bring me to tears. I couldn't help but think of how their fun/lives could be ruined by someone else so easy in such devastating ways, and it was something that I couldn't really control thinking.

The most specific example I remember was when I was going to Primary(elementary) school, in grade 7, I watched a bunch of Grade 2 kids eating a pizza for lunch, seemingly on top of the world about it - I then thought of how easily an older kid could take the box, beat them over the head with it, and laugh at them mockingly while they crush each piece into the ground. I'd then break into tears, because it would be looping in my head, becoming more detailed and in cases extended every time it went through the sequence.

The specific looping nature of it was what I hated most. I couldn't stop it, and from anywhere between an hour to a whole day it would be the only thing on my mind - especially when I was trying to sleep at night. I spent a lot of nights where scenarios of people's lives being ruined/ended in horrific ways would play over and over, one I remember, when I was perhaps 8 or 9 years old, I had this particular sequence kind of like a slide show, showing somebody from birth up until being an adult, living a good life, popular kid, straight A's etc.

While sitting at home one night, a person breaks through his window and beats him to death with a hammer.

The slide show part comes back, as though it were a eulogy, showing a baby playing with a pet cockatiel surrounded by a happy family, the choppy-dull-coloured nature of the slide show made me think it was another reflection on the man's childhood.

I'd start to cry.

It plays in my head again, until I fall asleep.





Not these days though LOL I get similar sort of "vibes" when foster caring for abused/neglected pets on behalf of the Animal Welfare League, but their pain isn't fictional like what I was saying above.
 
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